Scientific American = Science!

` And now, I bring you more uncreativity!

` I like Scientific American. It's my favorite science magazine because it's more careful about its information than, say, Discover magazine.
` When I received the April 2005 edition, I saw an article that was really funny. I love it! In fact, I love it so much I'll risk a lawsuit by posting it in its entirety here on the web.
` So sue me!! But hopefully not.

` From the editors: Okay, We Give Up

` There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.
` In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of so-called evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it. Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.
` Moreover, we shamefully mistreated the Intelligent Design (ID) theorists by lumping them in with creationists. Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that's a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That's what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn't get bogged down in details.
` Good journalism values balance above all else. We owe it to our readers to present everybody's ideas equally and not to ignore or discredit theories simply because they lack scientifically credible arguments or facts. Nor should we succumb to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do. Indeed, if politicians or special-interest groups say things that seem untrue or misleading, our duty as journalists is to quote them without comment or contradiction. To do otherwise would be elitist and therefore wrong. In that spirit, we will end the practice of expressing our own views in this space: an editorial page is no place for opinions.
` Get ready for a new Scientific American. No more discussions of how science should inform policy. If the government commits blindly to building an anti-ICBM defense system that can't work as promised, that will waste tens of billions of taxpayers' dollars and imperil national security, you won't hear about it from us. If studies suggest that the administration's antipollution measures would actually increase the dangerous particulates people breathe during the next two decades, that's not our concern. No more discussions of how policies affect science either--so what if the budget for the National Science Foundation is slashed? This magazine will be dedicated to science, fair and balanced science, and not just the science that scientists say is science. And it will start on April Fools' Day.

` Brilliant! ...Fair and balanced indeed!

` Well, I've got to get to bed. I have another busy day ahead of me. Oh yes, I have been rather busy lately: On Wed-nes-day, Dory and I hung out and she made us stuffing and home-grown tomato juice for lunch!!! And then I almost fell asleep from jet lag.
` I hate you, jet lag!!!
` Today, George was the only person to show up for lunch at the restaurant, and we went to my house and told one another freaky anecdotes, many of which are still fresh in my mind:
` For example, when he was young, the neighbor's cat habitually rubbed against his leg while he gazed through his telescope, whereupon he kicked it away. One night, he felt the familiar fur brushing against him, except for some reason he could not get the darn cat to go away! He kept kicking it until he looked up and discovered that it was a skunk, cocked and ready to fire!
` It didn't, though. Instead, it calmed down, proceeded to sniff him, and wandered away.
` Stupid skunk, or just rabid?
` And then there was the time some woman called him at about three in the morning, who said; "Hello, Bob," and proceeded to intricately describe several carnal acts she had planned in her mind. After all of that, George had said; "For that, I'll be Bob!" and hung up.

` Ha! He has the weirdest stories. Many of which require some backstory to tell, though. Anyway, I'd better go: Tomorrow I have lunch with my grandma, who will probably continue to bully me into getting back together with Phil.

` Grah.

So, how HAVE I been feeling?

` Well, this is a rough time in my life; I think I'm entitled to tell you how I'm feeling. I don't really know where to begin, though I do enjoy being given something to work with. Especially since I'm tired right now and have trouble thinking.

` Luckily, the Color Quiz always knows your feelings and emotional conflicts (or lack thereof) from moment to moment! It analyzes what you are feeling just from the order in which you select rectangles of various colors and tells you what's going on in a very specific way based on the hundreds of very specific combinations to choose from.
` It's true... if freakishly. With the book, you can look at your results first, then choose completely different results and compare them. Assuming you're not colorblind, your own results will illustrate what you are feeling while the not-your results will not apply at all!

` Here's what I found for myself:


Your Existing Situation

Seeks to express the need for identification in a sensitive and intimate atmosphere where esthetic or emotional delicacy can be protected and nurtured.

` No kidding! I've broken up with my boyfriend and have to move out by February whether or not I get a steady job that I can support myself with.
` Also, my computer is broken and I have to get new parts before then. Grah. You could say I'm stressed and a bit hurt so I need to get away to heal and be myself.


Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

` That's true: I absolutely love the idea of being totally independent and intellectual - and have friends who are like me - while at the same time I really want someone to help me with my chronic 'physical' numbness. And dammit, I can't get that because I don't have anyone!
` My self esteem is kinda low because I've distanced myself from Phil so much and avoided addressing this problem because I knew I would have to move out on my own. I'm going to need a lot of encouragement in order to take this big leap.


Your Restrained Characteristics

Exacting in her emotional demands, especially during moments of intimacy leaving her frustrated in her desire for a perfect union.

` Yes, my exacting emotional demands have never been met, being as I've never precisely been able to be intimate with anyone!

Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

` Yes, circumstances demand that major securities must go - such as money, medical insurance and a roof over my head - and yet it will be a bit of time until I get some space and freedom. And a delicious man, who I probably will need if I am to 'clean' my perception of touch off.


Your Desired Objective

Seeks success. Wants to overcome obstacles and opposition and to make her own decisions. Pursues her objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. Does not want to feel dependent on the good will of others.

` Indeed I don't. I'll do what I must, I'll do what I need to stay mentally healthy, and I sure as hell don't want anyone to think that I cannot make it on my own! Even though I might actually not be able to. Sounds stubborn, though isn't that the right attitude when you're forced to try?


Your Actual Problem

Afraid that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants and therefore demands that others should recognize her right to them.

` You could say that! I'm going to need some help and cooperation if I am to find a place to live, a decent job, and eventually, a man who wouldn't mind assisting me with my conversion disorder.

Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.

` Indeed. I'm not mediocre. I'm passionate about things, like writing, drawing and having my own space. And men. Delicious, delicious men. Men who might be sensitive to my need of wanting to rid myself of the feelings of perceptual novocain.
` Lately, men are all I've been able to think about. Why? It completely rids me of my splitting migraine and nausea, instead allowing me to feel better than I have since I don't know when! I didn't even know I was remotely capable of feeling great!
` Maybe this is normal when you finally decide to stop suppressing your sex drive after years of never doing so before....


` Anyway, I think I need to get back to bed. Pacific Time is currently:

At least my supervillain's life is getting better....

` Tough times aside, I'm still employing my creativity. For example, the other day I drew something humorous and gory on some folded paper: My first-ever pencil 'drawrings' of my evil supervillain character who I think I may call Cassandra 'Pesky' Nociceptor. (Or not.)
` Then, I took two envelopes, unnaturally bound them together so the drawrings fit inside, addressed it to Dr. Teeth and dropped it in the mailbox.

` So, Teeth, when you get back from your trip, be sure to look for the 'Frankenvelope'.

` Also, something supremely awesome happened: I've already gotten an e-mail this morning from what I've accomplished on the Zebra Girl website. Joe England's been too busy to put fan art up for a while, so it all came out in a rush: My name's Skippy here - see if you can find it!


NEWS UPDATE for 12/25/05: Ohcrap! My new Invader Zim DVDs tired me out so much that I took a nap which was too long in the waking-up from! I've only got a little time left to throw up all that fan art and stuff that I said I would before Christmas is over and I become a liar! I've got to call on all of my Joe Englandy powers to pull this off!! Uh... no time... uhm... each thing only gets a blurb!
Hannele made this! It's psychadelicious! Moreso, psychadelectable!
Ask me Ask me made this! It's spooky and stylish! Black and White kicks ass!
Mouse made this and then he made this, with this as a stereogram! Or so he says, I can't look at either of them for some reason, but I'm sure they're awesome! Look out, he's got a comic!
S.S. made this, this, this, this, and this! They're all great, love the style!
Paul Rogers made this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this! God bless 'em, every one!
Elyse Tennyson made this! It's bizarrely true to life!
Piers Florian made this! Wicked cool, and kindly cool all at the same time!
William Duke made this! The perspective blows my mind, in a fun way!
Shiro made this! I'm getting an image of that little girl from "Poltergeist" whimpering as the wind kicks up, the future fills me with cute, cute dread because Shiro's back and she'll DESTROY US ALL! Website website website!
Pandaone made this! Tolkien himself would be proud, I daresay! DARE SAY!
Joelle made this! They're adorable and neat and I just love 'em! LOVE THEM!
Kitten Sumthinerother made this! Again, bizarrely true to life! Except that I have the physique of a wet noodle! I mean... no... forget that, it's absolutely bizarre!
AlphaMole from the forums made this, this, and this! They boggle my mind with their keen-ness! Boggle it all to Hell!
Lovelock made this! And it was, um, just about the first time one of my own characters kind of turned me on... I couldn't help it!
Robin "Rone" Dempsey made this! It was for my birthday, it was inescapably thoughtful of her, and I love it! Love her! You! Love her!
No one in particular made this and this! Both of them rocked one of my socks right off!
Grimmalkin made this! By thunder, if that doesn't demand you check out his DeviantArt site, then I will! There! It's demanded!
Wylde made this! Daww, issocute, it's cute enough to make me say daww! Check! Site! NOW!!
Jesse Bromley made this! It's so pretty... have I not posted this before? It seems like I've done so an infinite number of times... messing with my head... woo. That fan art's a good trip.
Dani made this! It's a crossover of sorts, with her marvelous site... say, did I not give her permission to use this? She asked... Dani, if you're listening, you can very much use this on your site. It passes the Joe test, and scores high marks.
Fraser Walker made this! It was a gift for back when I was depressed or... or something, and it cheered me greatly. Somehow. It doesn't look like it would have, but it did. ...That means it's good.
Chelsea Gaither made this! Nothing more needs to be said, because it's so great! Which is good, because I'm running out of blurbs! She has a website that your life will be ruined without!
Heather Noyes made this! And I love it, it's simply elegant and elegantly simple! Wow, she has a website too?? Wondrous!
And finally, Skippy from the forums made this! She's going all-out with her own Zebraverse comic project! I'm proud, this time for a variety of valid reasons! Skippy's Website, you go to now! And that's it, that's all the fan art, except for a few pieces I don't have to time to track down the makers of right now! Yes there's more, there's always more! Do it later! LATER! That's enough for now! Enough fan art!
Fan fiction now! Mawgan Dell's Angels and Demons! What more could you ask for? Nothing, that's what! It's Angels and Demons! And Dear Diary, by newcomer Phillip Podjursky! Ooh, I bet he's going somewhere with that! And he also brings us The Ascension, which has the dubious honor of being the first fan fiction posted here for which I'll openly confess to having mixed feelings about! It's, um... okay, I'll give it to you straight. It deals with certain overtly religious themes which I find a bit... um... overt? Is that a good word for this? But y'know, I'm not passing judgement, I'm just stating my own personal preferences here. You... make up your own minds. Yes, I know you're not used to that, but we all have to learn how sooner or later. You should thank Phillip for the exercise.
Now, comics to link to! The Wotch has made reference to my fantastic comic, so go to their fantastic comic and make a fantastic sandwich between you, my site and theirs! And there's another tiny little reference over at Awfully Generic, so what more encouragement do you need!?
What's the timeOHCRAP, must update NOW! It's all good and I love it, I love all my fans, you people make it worthwhile, happy whatever, blahblahblah, there, I made it I'm DONE! KNEEL TO JOE!

-Ho-Ho-Joe

` I've never had one of my own images up on someone else's website before, much less the prestegious abode of Zebra Girl! I e-mailed Joe to tell him that I have two more on the way, I just won't be able to put them up for a while due to the fact that I'm out of state and also my computer's still broken.

` Well, as I'm at my mom's house in Ohio I'd better go engage in some more after-dinner conversation with Mom, Brewmeister and my bro.

The Mad Doctor Strikes Again!

` No, he's not planning to vivisect me once more over my holiday trip to Ohio. Indeed, as you may well know by now, this man has thoroughly and fundamentally changed my life via his heinous money-grubbing shenanigans.
` Afterward, my being unable to handle the PTSD symptoms (before I even knew what they were) has caused a huge rift in our relationship.

` When I first moved in with Phil over a year ago, I quite enjoyed being in physical contact with him. After a certain point, he triggered a phobia of mine which had developed after my violent encounter with Dr. Benninger.

` It's a being-tortured-by-a-mad-doctor-thing.

` Just from living with Phil I began to shut down and suffer more flashbacks and nightmares than I had been before. Gradually, I distanced myself from him so that it would stop. Which, it did. (I guess it was a habit left over from growing up with Jerry.) Unfortunately, I had become so detached from Phil that we are giving up on our relationship.

` So now, we're going our separate ways, which involves both of us moving out of this apartment since neither of us could afford it on our own.

` Phil is utterly miserable. Mainly, I am feeling bad for him. Why couldn't I have cleared my thinking sooner so that I could see that there was a problem, rather than tuning everything out? My PTSD teacher would say it's not really my fault, since this kind of clouded mind and mental avoidance is normal for people with this disorder.
` Doesn't make me feel any better about myself. I'm still guilty of getting into the habit of feeling fearful around Phil, rectifying it in a non-constructive way, and eventually choosing to ignore him in order to be able to think more clearly.
` Sure, it's not really my fault - those are survival strategies in the mental world - though I wish this situation would have been spotted earlier on by someone or another.
` I guess the only good thing about this is that I'm healing anyway and that I'll probably be happier living by myself.

` As it is, I vow that the Mad Doctor will not ruin another $mas, even though I don't celebrate it anyway.

Of course! Narwhal tusk = sensory organ!

` Notice: Since I'm not going to have a working system until after I get back from my trip and will not be able to type many original posts for a while, I will supplement you with stashed drafts in the interim.


` The narwhal ('corpse whale') is a blotchy, blubbery cetacean that is overall not very different from a Beluga whale. As a fetus, the narwhal develops six pairs of upper teeth and two pairs of lower teeth, though all but the top pair are vestigial.
` Typically in adult males - which weigh over a ton - the tooth on the right side of the jaw grows about one foot and remains inside the skull. The other tooth develops into a clockwise-spiraling tusk up to eight or nine feet in length which is actually flexible enough to bend a foot in any direction without breaking.
` Occasionally, in fact, both teeth will become tusks.

` Previously, it has been thought that these dentary wonders evolved for some kind of aggression, but it turns out that they have a more sensitive purpose: The surface of these teeth are embedded with about ten million nerve endings, discovered when two tusks were scanned with an electron microscope.
` Why would animals that live in the partly-frozen Arctic waters have evolved teeth studded with exposed nerves?

` You'd think that would hurt.

` According to Martin Nweeia - the Harvard professor, marine mammal researcher and dentist who did the scans - the tusks can be used for detecting the density of various types of particles, as well as pressure and temperature.
` He was quoted in Scientific American Science News as saying: "The whale has a capacity to dive 400 meters and still understand the particle gradients for salinity in water or prey."
` In other words, the animals should be able to tell the composition of what they're eating, drinking and swimming in to some extent.
` In addition, male narwhals have been observed to affectionately rub their tusks together, and frequently, hold them straight up out of the water.
` Does that mean that these great left teeth play the role of 'grooming organ' and perhaps anemometer?

` I'm sure those questions will be answered in time.

` Personally, I'm kind of struck with how far Western Civilization has come in their perception of the narwhal tusk: A lot of people in medeival times thought that these twisting lengths of ivory were unicorn horns! Now we know they're the sensory organs of intelligent, social sea mammals!
` How times have changed....

` ...Although, if you ask some people, the narwhal is really a "shark with a horn on its forehead." Really, I have heard this, and saying otherwise has no effect. I pity those people. They're the type whose minds would be blown if they visited the narwhal researcher's website, Narwhal.org.
` It's pretty useful if you want to know anything more about the science of these animals and their tusks - unless you're an irritating curmudgeon.

What I need for $mas...

` My computer is very sad right now, which is why I'm using someone else's. Screw the stylus (for photoshopping) and screw most of my new clothes to replace the ones I have that have been falling apart - I need a new system!
` As for my more faithful readers, I do have a small stash of ready-made posts I typed up for putting up during the ten days I'll be gone, so at least there's that to look forward to here.
` I just hope my hard drive's salvageable, I planned on finishing my last video and burning everything onto a DVD today! I guess I won't be able to give a copy to my mom by $mas, though I think I will eventually get it done.

` Well, see ya around.

A letter from Jerry

` I apologize for the temporary lack of science and skepticism up on my blog, but I figured that some of you may be kind of interested in a DadLetter my grandmother received yesterday while I was on the phone with her.

` You see, Jerry doesn't know where I live, nor will he send cards to my mom's house: He thinks the "crazy" half-"witch" half-"bitch" will just throw them away. Well, he's egocentric and paranoid delusional, so a little thing like that is to be expected of him.
` In this card, he wrote something along the lines of the fact that he's moving (so he'll have a different address in case I 'need' him), and that I need his help to be successful.
` Right. The man who did nothing but tell me I was too stupid to use my 160+ IQ, who told me I'd wind up living in a mental hospital or on drugs with a sugar daddy, who told me I could never have a non-abusive relationship with any man, and yet did not do anything to 'help' me except drunkenly scream at me.
` Sure, we all know how much people need being told they're hopelessly incompetent in order to do better with their nonexistent abilities.
` And why? What he told me - on a daily basis - was that nobody liked me purely because I was me, a 'dysfunctional' person who "rebelled against" having her "spirit broken, like a horse". And, oh, yes, he was so charitable to love me more than even my mother while nobody else even gave a damn.
` Meh, that was part of his tactic; always tell me that I was worthless, and yet give me just enough flattery to set me up for another attack on how I wasn't good enough to have a future because of my 'personality problems', which he usually defined as 'schizophrenia' or 'multiple personalities', disorders I had along with my mom and everyone else who couldn't guess his next pathological lie.

` It was for that reason that both my mother and I remained codependent on him until around late 1999, which is when my sketches go on hiatus.

` He also wrote that I shouldn't 'hate' him anymore. I don't exactly hate him - I hate what he's done to me and everyone else who couldn't defend themselves against him. He spouted nothing but abuse with occasional 'here you can have something but you don't deserve it', treatment just to keep me feeling guilty and thinking that he loved me even though I apparently tried to kill him every week.
` That is nothing but a serious form of child abuse, and I hate child abuse! I can't really hate him, though; he's self-righteous because he's mentally insane and probably still needs to be committed to protect himself and others.
` If you ask him, though I obviously hate him because that letter of 'reasons why he's alienated the whole family' I sent last year was solely to piss him off.

` Soon enough, I shall send him another letter. Perhaps one influenced by my more-articulate book character, Waldo. Or something. I could even make him a little DVD of my life today.
` Whatever I do, I could make it really amusing. Any suggestions?

Las Vegas' Great Flood of 1999 - caught on paper!

` ...So, Dad had gotten us kicked out of Uncle James' house by being an idiot. What next? As far as I recall, we stayed with Aunt Judy - henceforth referred to as 'Aunt Sis' - and then with Jerry's bipolar mother.
` Possibly surprising fact: I didn't yet know that dad was manic depressive, though hearing that his mother was actually scared me. I was surprised to find that she was nicer to me than he was!

` For a while, I drew a lot of pointless things that happened to catch my attention.
` In one example, it is evident that I'd bought The Huge Book of Hell in order to try to disconnect myself from the extreme stress. (What was I thinking?) Hence, my drawing of either Akbar of Jeff.
` I think it's Akbar.
` And who are Akbar and Jeff? I suspect they may be two escapees from an interstellar clone army who eventually settled down into a hazardous relationship on the planet Hell, which is ruled by Matt Groening.
` But that's just my hypothesis.

` What else...? Well, we went to a lovely restaurant called 'The Rainforest', which has occasional 'thunderstorms', during which robot animals from various continents spring to life and maul people.
` Or not.
` Weirdly, the restaurant also had a mascot: A red-eyed tree frog named Cha Cha - who I'll get to in a minute....

` At Aunt Sis' house, there were also two Furbies, which she would get out when kids came over. (These kids thought they were real animals, too - and they were like, seven! Okay, that's sad.)
` She also had a gihugic cat named Monty and her policeman son had a Deutsch German Shepherd named Mac von Nostrum as well as a local German Shepherd named Lady.

` ...Predictably, when I had failed to draw Monty, Lady, and Mac, giving them up for cartoon characters instead, I did the only thing I could to rectify the situation: Create a visual distraction involving the Cha Cha Army sicced on Admiral Billy, Captain Furby, and Lieutenant Shark Dog.

` As I'm not too enthusiastic about showing you that bloodbath, here's another picture I drew during that time, in which I employed the 'Cha Cha Army' technique for no good reason.


` I guess Captain Furby had decided, "The hell with sides, Cha Cha's right! Some things were never meant to be!"
` And then attacked the air. They look like they're hallucinating....

` Another random thing I must have drawn before we were kicked out of James' house was the can of Pepsi Max that he had brought back with him from Mexico. On the same page, however, you'll notice that later on, I had been watching the news that day....


` Apparently, it had been raining in the mountains: Since deserts are not very good at soaking up water, a lot of it had come swooping straight into the valley!

` As evidenced by the opposing page, however, Aunt Sis' house was safely positioned on a hill, above the destruction of which Milo and Lady were oblivious.


` On the next page is a rendition of someone fleeing across the bridge as the waters - having destroyed the wash meant to channel them - ate away at the sediment underneath a trailer park.


` Erosion in action, indeed! The flood was so forceful that the trailers were immediately ripped apart when enough of the ground had collapsed beneath them, which you'll notice was happening to the one at the top.
` The other mobile homes were literally teetering on the brink of destruction.

` Meanwhile, Milo was napping on the chair, as was his wont....


` That there's the Charleston Underpass, which has a clearance of fourteen feet or so, blatantly demonstrating the height of the flood waters. In fact, there hadn't been a flood this severe since the early 1950's, after which a bunch of cars were found in a heap.
` Supposedly, no one had gotten killed except for one man who ought to have a Darwin Award to his name. He was apparently an impatient driver of an SUV. Sick of waiting in front of the rising flood, he drove his vehicle into it and was carried away into a debris-filled miasma.
` Way to go, sparky!

` I'll have more little sketches up later on - hopefully they'll be more interesting to look at.

Sketches from The Sinfullest Place on Earth

` That's where we had been going to: Las Vegas (a.k.a. 'Lost Wages'), a city that has been around for over a hundred years now.

` I think we stayed at my Aunt Judy's house for a while at first, but I'm not sure. I don't exactly have my diary anymore, now do I?
` And, what do you suppose was the first thing I drew once we got to this very flashy, all-consuming, sinking speck in the desert?


` It's Milo! He was a good dog. He peed on the carpet, though, so Aunt Sis had someone kill him... or at least that's what Jerry told me. It could have been that he was already dying and peeing on the carpet was a side-effect of that, but you can't expect the straight truth from my dad.

` Now, besides being at my Aunt's house, we also stayed at my Uncle James' house. I tried to do a nice pencil sketch of his front porch, which has a huge awning with three skylights and a doormat that says; 'WIPE YOUR FEET, STUPID.' Hee.
` Unfortunately, I really managed to screw up on the shape of the door. (Not only that, but apparently I'd never bothered to brush off the eraser dust!)


` While Uncle James seemed to be almost as bipolar as my dad - and twice as drunk - he was actually less crazy and more pleasant to be around than Jerry because he didn't spend most of his time abusing me and blathering on pointlessly. Unfortunately, when James was at home, my dad was able to go after him - you should have seen the way they argued!
` Jerry would get to talking about me in front of myself for several hours, all the while James would say; "Do you know it's rude to talk about people when they're standing right there?" and my dad would retort things like; "I don't give a damn, I own her, anyway!"
` Heck, you should have heard the screaming match over the way 'Decatur' was pronounced! It escalated like this;
` "I know how it's pronounced! I've lived here for how long? It's Decayder!"
` "You're wrong! It's Deckader! I remember how it was pronounced!"
` Over and over... it was literally hurting my ears!

` Speaking of which; each morning I'd wake up on my air mattress to the shrill, klaxon-like cacophony coming from the vocal apparatus of Apollo. He was either a yellow-headed Amazon or a yellow-naped Amazon, I don't quite remember as they're almost identical.


` Apollo really liked it when I'd get up and spend all morning by his big cage, making noises and singing songs with him. In fact, instead of only getting him to imitate me, I imitated him a lot, too.
` I could even stick my fingers through the bars - unless someone was watching! - and he'd lick them with his hot little parroty tongue. It was really weird. In fact, if I stuck my fingers through the top of the cage, he would climb up to the top and then hang from them like a trapeze artist with really long claws that needed to be trimmed. Ow.
` On the other hand, he really seemed freaked out by my mom and jumped on her head one night, biting her savagely. Another time, he leapt off his cage and made such a huge gash in her wrist that it didn't even look as if it had begun to heal for over a month!
` Go fig. James reckoned he was in love with me and so didn't feel threatened, while my mom was probably another factor in the whole thing. In fact, I felt really bad for leaving Apollo after I was back in Ohio - almost left a message for him on James' quite audible answering machine.

` Anyway, at least someone - whose brain is the size of a walnut - saw me as fun to be around rather than a burden.
` As would be expected, Jerry bragged about me constantly to James in order to show off how 'smart' I was despite allegedly being retarded, schizophrenic, and whatever other excuse he could come up for me not being able to understand his personal reality.

` Of course, he also shamed me a bunch from the framework of those convictions.

` For example, at one point we went to the Hilton and were immersed in The Star Trek Experience. (Yes, it's not just a ride!) Near the exit, there were people dressed as Star Trek aliens, including a Klingon named Motag.
` And, wouldn't you know, I thought I was having a good time funning around with this character and his 'Klingon ways', but my dad saw it somewhat differently: When we'd gotten back to James' house, I heard Jerry say to him; "Well, I think... I think she realized he wasn't a real Klingon."
` I froze in my footsteps, eyes wide, before quickly scurrying away to my air mattress.

` Yes, I may have been on vacation, but not from Jerry's remarks. At least I got some groovy souveniers for Phil from the nice men in the Ferengi masks. (They slickly informed me that the profiteering of Las Vegas was actually a Ferengi idea after one of their ships had crashed in Roswell.... Heh.)


` Yes, that's one keychain with three thingies attached to it, and another that could serve as a really strange mirror with Phil's name on the back. Until it rubbed off. Along with the metal plating.
` And then, the other keychain just came apart.

` (By the way, those upside-down words are the crudely-scrawled lyrics to The Firm's song Star Trekkin' - which I now own on CD. Gee, don't I feel special?)

` I also had picked up an item of 'space western' origin:


` It was actually the only action figure I'd ever bought in my life. Yes, that is what it's supposed to be - I would have drawn some more of 'The Jar Jar Menace' had it not been for another fight between my dad and his brother.
` As it happened, I was interrupted and had to pack up to leave my uncle's house, leaving the plastic Gungan behind - hence the creatively-finished portrayals.
` I almost didn't even take my diary, but it was a good thing I had since I wasn't allowed to come back to my uncle's house ever again! Of course, now my diary's in Las Vegas anyway, assuming my dad hasn't torched it. Ironic, no?
` Also, my mother had left her tampons in the spare room dresser. I wonder what James did when he found them? I guess we'll never know!

` So... what happened after Jerry had gotten us kicked out of James' house? Tune in tomorrow for the exciting - or not-so-exciting - conclusion!

Grah. They could have said something...

` Verizon is a very sneaky little company that apparently alters its way of doing business behind their customers' backs. Last night, when I tried to save my next blog entry, I was instead rerouted to Verizon Avenue's sign-up screen. First off, I tried another browser, and when that didn't work, I erased everything Verizon from my hard drive. Still, all I could get to was Verizon Avenue.
` 'Oh well,' I thought, puzzled. 'At least there's Phil's computer.'

` And then I found that no, there wasn't.

` When I called tech support this afternoon, the nice man said; "Do you live in Oregon or Washington?"
` Aha! That was when I learned about their devious 'net enforcing' plan! So, they had to erase the perfectly acceptable account we already had (as it wasn't even ours to begin with) so I could sign us up for a new one.

` And so, I've had to catch up on my e-mail a bit this evening. Amusingly, in my old Yahoo account's spam folder I found this badly-written story about someone (apparently, a hermaphrodite) with a 'guardian angel'. It was so pathetic I felt the need to publicly slander it, so here it is:

Marvin is a person who remembers and uses his power. One dark night the power came to her aid in a dramatic fashion. She was settling down from her first night at a retreat center in the California foothills when he realized he needed something from his car.
` Carefully making his way, he stepped back into what appeared to be tall grass at the edge of the parking lot. Seconds later, he woke up in a six-foot culvert. Wedged in head first, he could not right himself or climb out.
` Feeling blood on the back of his head, she thought, "No one knows I'm here, and it's midnight". Suddenly, with no memory of how things happened, he found himself standing beside her car!

` Assuming this story even happened to a real person at all, I'd guess the cause for not remembering what had happened was because of a memory lapse caused by a head injury such as a concussion.
` Who knows how this 'Marvin' really escaped? Perhaps he/she wasn't stuck as fast as he/she had first thought? Most likely, though, the story is either exaggerated or possibly completely fabricated.
` So.... why would anyone think that this was caused by a supernatural force of any kind? What is with people for sending these stories around, anyway? Grah.

Pencil sketches of even more things!

` Note: These Sketches start here.

` Hey, all! Can you guess what this post might signify from the first image? That's right! The summer when I was seventeen, we were traveling, and Dad, like all good parents experiencing a manic episode, bought a lot of expensive luggage for us!
` In fact, this new Atlantic luggage even had locks (which you're not allowed to use anymore), and the keys had seahorse reliefs on them - hence the silvery ink print.

` The rest of the page is covered in tiny little scraggly sketches that, at first glance, appear to be random scribbling. Can you guess what type of place I was at when I drew them?
















` Yes, these are merely random sketches of people, smudged and very low-contrast. In fact, the lady in the wheelchair said the drawing looked just like her.
` Two dimensional?
` Mneh. As for the picture to the right, it simply says; 'cute Japanese guy'.
` You probably can't read it, but the words in the left-hand picture say 'TO TERMINAL BAGGAGE CLAIM'.
` So yes, I was at the airport. I talked to a lot of people, for example Irma, whose portrait I won't show because, though it is better than a scraggly little doodle, it was so bad a dinosaur had to eat it.
` And when I say 'dinosaur'.... (Hey, looks kinda like Incisivosaurus!)
` My little sketchbook also says here that one young girl I was talking to had an older brother who was an animator, which I thought was cool. She asked me how do you color in people's lips without making them completely black. I said; 'Just don't press down so hard.'
` Yep, that's all it says. Riveting.
` Ah, I remember when I was that age and just discovering the wonders of shades of gray.

` Gotta love gray.

` Well, what else? We got on our plane, which took off. I tried to draw the ground, as well as a foggy Lake Erie. Emphasis on try. So, here that is... along with my big toe.


` I tried to redeem myself, though, as you can see.... Also, I spilled Snapple on the page due to turbulence. Gar!
` As I continued to draw rabbitsaurs and clouds and circular crops ('I can see the irrigation bars going around them!!!'), I turned to find the last thing on earth I'd expect to see flying....


` Penguin power!!!

` Yes, there was a bird wrangler on my flight with a penguin that had recently been born at Sea World in Cleveland. Since by that point the park was about to be torn down, the animals were being moved to other marine parks. I think the clutch on our plane was on its way to California's Sea World.
` I made note of how chenille-like its baby feathers were - 'so fuzzy it's slimy!' I must say, it was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen on a plane, being as plane rides are exceedingly dull.
` I hope the bird's current icebox isn't too cramped for it....

` Besides downy little penguins, there wasn't much going on and I became desperate: Here you can see a fidgety, young girl, air blowers, my Snapple, and yes, a drawing of my drawing. 'Cause it was there.


` Evidently, that day was 26 June, 1999. But where would I sleep that night? Where was I going to? I guess that'll be a mystery for you until tomorrow.

` If that makes you feel disappointed, knock it off! There are a lot of other things to see on the internet. For exmaple, Galtron, I appreciate that last link of yours: Has anyone ever wanted to 'Office Space' someone? That's just wrong. And yet, even Phil was giggling. Give it a listen!

` Note: This post was prepared in advance, during a bout of insomnia.

A megaphone blared: "Everybody inside, step away from the windows!"

` That was the end of my nap.

` I looked up at the blue sky to see a yellow helicopter glinting in the sun. That wasn't good. I rolled over and saw down on the street no less than the bomb squad, cordoned off by police tape attached to points on either side of the office windows four floors down, just below our apartment.
` I was like; 'Oooookay. Could I be in danger up here?'
` One guy was donning bomb armor, and when he was done, he grabbed up a yellow cord and drug it off down the street. I thought to myself; 'Good, he's going that way!'
` From the corner window, I saw a bright red backpack in the street by the Co-Op, which the armored guy unzipped and inspected.

` I was like; 'Whatever.' So, to pass the time, I went to the other end of the apartment, e-mailed some people about this drama (well, it's not like you get a chance to say you're watching the bomb squad at work every day), and was checking the Keenspot forum when I heard a man yelling; "Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole! Fire in the hole!"
` I was like; 'Damn! Is it going to explode or are they detonating it?'
` There was this muffled BOOM! and I was like; 'So....' I looked out the window and saw the red bookbag in pieces on the street. I went down to the office, where I'd seen some of the bomb squad people go into, and asked what had happened.
` Apparently, there had never been any hint of a bomb at all: The bookbag was, merely, a bookbag. It was found in front of the collection office door, which is evidently what that building across the street is. So they destroyed it.

` And I thought this was going to be exciting! What a gyp!

` I guess it's better than another unannounced fire drill when I'm trying to sleep. Those things scare me senseless when I suddenly realize I'm in some random place in the building in whatever random thing I was sleeping in, having my eardrums blasted by The Atomic Cricket.

` *Sigh.* I'm going to get some lunch.

Today: More Pencil Sketches!

` Note: These sketches start here.

` Today's been a quite sore day for EdgeWalker - he went to a dentist, who yanked out three of his wisdom teeth with amazing speed! It only cost him five hundred dollars, which I thought was pretty sweet.
` Phil pointed out to me that this was due to the use of only lidocain, which elicited much speculation about whether or not this was the Mad Doctor's motive for changing my consent form: I had to pay him $2,000 without insurance for the drugging and torture I'd endured. Perhaps Benninger is just an @$$hole.
` Anyhow, what else has been going on lately? Besides seeing The Chronicles of Narnia on Sunday, there has actually been some almost-interesting things going on. Things that some people might not mind me writing about. Or maybe they would. Regardless:
` Friday, EdgeWalker went out to do something or other with his friends, so Phil and I decided to go out and do something ourselves. After 2.6 seconds of pondering, we elected to eat at Agua Verde, a Mexican restaurant that uses organic ingredients and even makes anything you want vegetarian or vegan!
` Not only was the food excellent - I had the greatest flan, by the way! - but we got a good view of the Christmas light-draped houseboats anchored outside the patio.
` On Saturday, EdgeWalker managed to get back in one piece, just as Phil was driving us off to the ferry. We came back and got him, and the three of us went to Coupeville (on Whidbey Island), mostly for the sake of it. As usual, barely anything was open, though at least the sky was clear, the sun was warm, and the little gray whale skeleton was as spongy as ever.
` Afterwards - even though eating out is unusual for us - we dined at Taster's Wok (stupid name, I know), which had fairly impressive food, including a vegetarian menu with fake meat! It was da frickin' bomb!

` Anyway, thank you for bearing my prattling on - I wrote that down largely to ensure I'd remember it in the future, pathetic as that is. Bear in mind, this is about as interesting as my life normally gets....
` I could really use some robot henchmen about now.

` Getting to the point, the following sketches (being only the next few in my little sketchbook) are actually quite dated - really, you can check them!
` Now, the next drawing in the book that has nothing to do with my novel is a fisheye view of the rear of my childhood home in Medina, Ohio, complete with a resident blue jay. (I apologize for my sub-par solo photography skills.)
` The little note I wrote in the corner is the time, date, and abridged message that a reflection of the house can be seen in the grill on the left, that the tip of the railing can be seen at the very rightmost edge in front of the picnic table, and that the sun is peeking through the sloppily-drawn tree branches. Can you make all that out? Clicking on it helps some...


` Long ago, there used to be another maple tree on the left, but our obsessive neighbor, Peeping Steve, cut it down even though it wasn't his.
` As for today, the house and patio still looks basically the same as the drawing, although Brewmeister Burkhardt has renovated it a bit and installed French doors in place of the ultra short 'Jerry-rigged' screen doors.
` In fact, you may have already seen an actual photo of this house (and the tree!) - it's the Blocky Tan Shape that my Chevrolet Burgundy Rectangle is parked in front of! See?

` Next up, I had decided to test my vaguely Escherian skills by doing an 'animal puzzle'. Why such a pointless exercise? For some reason, whenever I did one of those, anyone who saw it commented that they thought it was cool. Didn't think it was that interesting myself. Is anyone with me?


` Yeee-ah. That's from a bored mind, lemme tell ya. And on the opposing page, I evidently drew this oddity on 24 June 1999, way back when Family Guy was a brand-new show:


` Let's see; there's a sunset-rhino, a geometricaly simplified and incomplete dinosaur-thing, and... an ant? Not sure what's going on here, but I'd say the most dangerous and bizarre creature there is the little mutant Griffin on the right (overlord of the Family Guy website), who I attempted to watercolor over. Looks like he has a plan, probably involving some kind of crazy invention of his....
` Man, I wish I could watch new episodes: Even though it's gone down in history by being un-cancelled, I can't pick up Fox on the antenna! Drat.
` Really, what made Family Guy for me (and probably most viewers) was that the dog and the baby had the minds of adult humans - one being a guy with issues, the other being an evil mastermind who has yet to be potty-trained - and none of the other characters seemed to think this freakishness was odd in the slightest!
` Genius! And boy, that's not the half of the weirdness! I guess that's what they were going for....

` Anyway, enough prattling and promoting. Phil's made us some really wonderful French Onion soup!

` Edit: Or not. He filled the pot with farfalle to the point where it became bowtie pasta with oniony liquid sauce. I had to eat it with a fork. So... much... starch!!

` Another note: These sketches continue here.

Day of my first online pencil sketches!

` This post will probably not be too long, as my eyeballs hurt very badly right now. Why? If anyone has been wondering where in the heck I was all day, I'd gone out to see The Chronicles of Narnia with Phil and EdgeWalker - although we arrived 1:40 minutes before it started thanks to the failing of my own skeptical abilities.
` No problem, though:
` We spent the interim looking at motorcycle gear, and when we got back to the multiplex with our tickets already in hand, we were able to get decent seats! It wasn't long before the theater was crammed, and for good reason: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe kicks Harry Potter's magical butt a thousand times over!
` Though this movie was also based on a 'children's' book, the Chronicles of Narnia are of a much higher caliber of realism than the whimsical Potter series; accordingly, this movie was more like The Lord of the Rings! As C. S. Lewis was a contemporary and friend of Tolkien's (and both authors were fed up with existing fantasy novels at the time) that would explain a lot of it.
` All I have to say is; "Wow. I haven't seen a movie that was this enjoyable in a very long time! Even all the actors playing the children were amazing! The fake lion was excellent."
` Plus, Mr. Tumnus - played by James McAvoy The Potty-Mouthed - was more adorable than I'd ever had the imagination for! (That's not surprising, considering that I'd read the books at a Time of Inability to Picture Things in my Head.) Also, fauns are so cute... what!?
` In fact, the only thing annoying about his design was, though his goat legs were done very well, he was supposed to have a long tail, characteristically draped over his arm.
` I won't complain too much, though: It could be that the lack of attention to this detail was to save money for all the other great stuff, like Aslan! Oh... don't get me started on Aslan! The centaurs and griffins were really awesome too, even as they fell in battle. And shattered into a million pieces. Yee!

` Sorry! I need to stop babbling...

` Nevertheless, I must say that The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe is much better than the movie I'd watched the day upon starting my first sketchbook....
` Only seventeen at the time, I had just seen Star Wars: Episode I. Now that was a really dorky movie, I admit, but I was still impressed enough to try drawing young Anakin's most bloodthirsty competitor, Sebulba, on the inside of the cover (above the LOTR inscription).
` I liked his design of all the aliens because he was a Dug, a camel-faced humanoid with hands on all four limbs that uses its arms for walking.


` That being satisfactory practice, I dove in for the title page. But what to draw? Perhaps another character from the movie? Well, since one can't help but not forget the obnoxious and amphibious Jar Jar Binks, his head wound up at the top:


` Yes, my last name's actually Hazel. Like the nut. Whose first name is Jerry.

` In hindsight, I think it would have been better if I'd drawn Jar Jar's head no longer attached to his body and stuck on a pike, blood dripping down the words....

` Oh well, can't change the past. Okay, I could, but I don't have the heart to get out my eraser.

` Now, at the time, I also watched Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and since my psychotic dad said that Jar Jar was just as unappealing as 'Gonad O'Boring' (as he called him), I decided I'd draw them both on the second page, just to exercise my memory:


` Okay, that's not the greatest drawing ever, but I thought it was funny at the time. Anyway, I'll have more sketches up tomorrow. I have to get off the computer now. Eyes... aching!

Different gestures for 'yes' and 'no' around the world. Also; Ancient Greeks and their naughty bits!

` Well-cultured and uncreative am I today! Thank goodness for Cecil Adams, writer of the column The Straight Dope. He, and now an entire team, are pretty good at finding correct answers to just about any question that can be thrown at them. And, if a reader points out that he happens to have missed something, they often get a zingy response.
` Since I actually subscribe to The Straight Dope online, I figured I'd share this one with you...

` Just how universal is shaking the head associated with 'no' and nodding with 'yes'?

` His answer:

...No less a personage than Charles Darwin looked into it and wrote up his findings in a book called The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872). Darwin was interested in finding out whether there were universal gestures and expressions, so he sent out a questionnaire to missionaries and whatnot that, among other things, asked what gesticulations the locals used to convey "yes" and "no." Nodding and head-shaking turned out to be pretty common, but there were some striking exceptions. For example, certain Australian natives, when uttering a negative, "don't shake the head, but holding up the right hand, shake it by turning it half round and back again two or three times." One Captain Speedy--I can't say the name inspires much confidence--told Darwin that the Abyssinians said "no" by jerking the head to the right shoulder and making a slight cluck, while "yes" was expressed by the head being thrown backwards and the eyebrows raised for an instant. The Dyaks of Borneo supposedly raised their eyebrows for "yes" and slightly contracted them, "together with a peculiar look of the eyes," for "no." Eskimoes nodded for "yes" and winked for "no."

The only place I know of where they completely reverse the meaning of our nod and head-shake gestures is Bulgaria. There a nod means no and a shake means yes. One shudders to think of the implications this has for cross-cultural dating in that country. The Turks are almost as confusing--they say "yes" by shaking their heads from side to side, and "no" by tossing their heads back and clucking. Head-tossing for "no" is also common in Greece and parts of Italy, such as Naples, that were colonized or heavily influenced by Greeks in ancient times.

Still, cultures ranging from the Chinese to the natives of Guinea nod and shake their heads like we do, leading Darwin to believe that the gestures were innate to some extent. He noticed that when babies refused food they almost always turned their heads to the side, whereas when they had worked up an appetite they inclined their heads forward in a nodding gesture.

` It goes on, but I'll stop there. Just thought someone or other would think that was interesting. And, for being such loyal readers, I give you a small section of a Straight Dope about Why Penises are Small in Greek Art!

The Greeks weren't shy about displaying their manly attributes. Nudity was celebrated in Greece as in no culture before or since. We're so used to nude classical sculpture and painting that we figure that's how everybody walked around back in those days. In fact, however, male nudity in art and among athletes and warriors was largely confined to the ancient Greeks, for whom it became a point of pride--they considered embarrassment at having to disrobe for sports a sign of barbarism....

...From this vast array of XXX-rated artwork we can make a few deductions about Greek aesthetic preferences, genitaliawise (here I mainly follow Kenneth Dover's landmark study Greek Homosexuality, 1978): (1) Long, thick penises were considered--at least in the highbrow view-- grotesque, comic, or both and were usually found on fertility gods, half-animal critters such as satyrs, ugly old men, and barbarians. A circumcised penis was particularly gross. (2) The ideal penis was small, thin, and covered with a long, tapered foreskin. Dover thinks the immature male's equipment was especially admired, which may account not only for the small size but the scarcity of body hair in classical art. A passage from Aristophanes sums up the most desirable masculine features: "a gleaming chest, bright skin, broad shoulders, tiny tongue, strong buttocks, and a little prick."

` I, for one, second that!

` Not that I've seen any such gorgeous-sounding appendages, and don't expect to.... Nevertheless, I've always thought to myself; 'what's the deal with big, gigantic penises being admired so much nowadays?' I don't get it!! I think if I ever saw such a monstrosity, I might run screaming into the night.
` Okay, perhaps not - but if one was approaching me with a man attached to it, I most certainly would! On the other hand, if a huge penis was approaching me without the rest of the man attached, I'd stab it with a fork and yell; "Har!!"
` Then again, I guess you could say that the most intimate I've been with any man is when this Medina, Ohio gynecologist injured me with his large, freezing-cold probe, resulting in bloodshed. (I won't tell you whose...) As one might guess from a Medina doctor, this guy kept telling me to shut up and stop screaming.
` This minor-yet-delicate trauma may or may not have something to do with my Ancient Greek-like views. I'd vote that it doesn't.

` And while I'm on this subject - as I probably never will be again - I recall something else Cecil wrote which stated that showing the glans of the Ancient Greek Penis was considered to be vulgar, and that the sweaty, naked, wrestling men in gymnasiums (gymnos = 'naked', you see?) were known to tie their foreskins shut to prevent such exposore.
` I suppose this is somewhat sensible, considering that the glans is meant to be an internal structure, barring arousal.... And yet, in modern America, the glans is still generally preferred to be demoted to an external, crusty eyesore by means of the agonizing rip, tear, and snip of the valuable foreskin.
` ...Which, of course, you may be way too aware of from reading my lengthy interview about the detrimental sexual effects of removing this most interesting of erogenous zones.
` Oh, if only Socrates knew about such unreasonable and illogical practices! He'd say; "Sick, dude! Genital mutilation! How dare you cause injury to the most prized male organ? Misandrous barbarians!"
` Heh.
` So, ah... why am I particularly riled about penises and culture again all of a sudden? It wasn't just Cecil - it's also partly because a friend of mine was telling me about how 'her' mother finally admitted the fact that the doctors had noticed 'her' unusually small penis when 'she' was born and just chopped the whole thing off straightaway!
` As a result, my friend's had a really miserable and lousy life being forced to 'act like a girl' - even being referred to as a girl has caused a lot of personal revulsion! Thank goodness for his male nickname!
` Growing up, my friend's mom sometimes made him wear dresses - which confused him as a small child who didn't know 'the difference' between boys and girls - and at around age thirteen, his mother insisted on 'checking' his development, which really weirded him out. Not to mention, he's had catastrophic hormonal problems, and later on, was forced to marry a soulless bastard who repeatedly assaulted him into submission in every way possible.

` Needless to say - but I'll say it anyway - things would have turned out much less traumatic if nobody had interfered. Seriously (or as Cassie says, cereally), I think the Ancient Greeks would have welcomed my unwillingly-transexual friend's natural anatomy, as well as that of all other men, though such acceptance would probably involve much homosexual attention.
` My friend, however, probably would not mind that sort of thing, and I'd bet that most men worldwide would prefer men chasing after them to the Red, White and Blue Penis Control at Birth Brigade.

` Ye-ah. On that note... I'll be back tomorrow with non-genital content. Perhaps more sketches, most assuredly of things that aren't genitals! At all! Ta...