Saturday, December 17, 2005

A letter from Jerry

` I apologize for the temporary lack of science and skepticism up on my blog, but I figured that some of you may be kind of interested in a DadLetter my grandmother received yesterday while I was on the phone with her.

` You see, Jerry doesn't know where I live, nor will he send cards to my mom's house: He thinks the "crazy" half-"witch" half-"bitch" will just throw them away. Well, he's egocentric and paranoid delusional, so a little thing like that is to be expected of him.
` In this card, he wrote something along the lines of the fact that he's moving (so he'll have a different address in case I 'need' him), and that I need his help to be successful.
` Right. The man who did nothing but tell me I was too stupid to use my 160+ IQ, who told me I'd wind up living in a mental hospital or on drugs with a sugar daddy, who told me I could never have a non-abusive relationship with any man, and yet did not do anything to 'help' me except drunkenly scream at me.
` Sure, we all know how much people need being told they're hopelessly incompetent in order to do better with their nonexistent abilities.
` And why? What he told me - on a daily basis - was that nobody liked me purely because I was me, a 'dysfunctional' person who "rebelled against" having her "spirit broken, like a horse". And, oh, yes, he was so charitable to love me more than even my mother while nobody else even gave a damn.
` Meh, that was part of his tactic; always tell me that I was worthless, and yet give me just enough flattery to set me up for another attack on how I wasn't good enough to have a future because of my 'personality problems', which he usually defined as 'schizophrenia' or 'multiple personalities', disorders I had along with my mom and everyone else who couldn't guess his next pathological lie.

` It was for that reason that both my mother and I remained codependent on him until around late 1999, which is when my sketches go on hiatus.

` He also wrote that I shouldn't 'hate' him anymore. I don't exactly hate him - I hate what he's done to me and everyone else who couldn't defend themselves against him. He spouted nothing but abuse with occasional 'here you can have something but you don't deserve it', treatment just to keep me feeling guilty and thinking that he loved me even though I apparently tried to kill him every week.
` That is nothing but a serious form of child abuse, and I hate child abuse! I can't really hate him, though; he's self-righteous because he's mentally insane and probably still needs to be committed to protect himself and others.
` If you ask him, though I obviously hate him because that letter of 'reasons why he's alienated the whole family' I sent last year was solely to piss him off.

` Soon enough, I shall send him another letter. Perhaps one influenced by my more-articulate book character, Waldo. Or something. I could even make him a little DVD of my life today.
` Whatever I do, I could make it really amusing. Any suggestions?


Galtron said...

Waldo can influence you? Maybe you are crazy....

Kidding, kidding!

Just don't let Jerry know about Waldo, heh heh.

....How can someone, who's already articulate, use a fictional charcter as a tool to write even more articulately?
I guess it's because you have to write his lines... but that still doesn't make sense!

S E E Quine said...

` That's for me to know and you to find out.
` I'd tell you to ask that author fellow who suggested talking to your book characters, but he's dead now.

Aaron said...

I think the most hurtful thing you could do to him is ignore him.

If you do something mean-spirited, he will know that he's still under your skin.

S E E Quine said...

` Mean-spirited? Towards Daddy Dearest? Pish and pishaw!

` I was actually thinking more of writing about all my successes in life, really. That's the best revenge I could possibly take, no?
` You see, Jerry still wants me to be a miserable ne'er-do-well so that he can tell me that I require him to have a decent life.

` However, if I tactfully inform him that I live a life quite different from what he's ever known me to have, then perhaps he will realize that yes, I am quite capable of functioning in society without his abuse.
` That is, if he's in a lucid phase at the time....
` Hence my need for the assistance of 'Waldo'.

cassie d said...

i've always had problems with my pops as well. Heck, it sounds like they could be bowling buddies!

But our relationship finally started turning around when i started not caring about him. I started no caring whether he thought i succeded or failed (he used to tell me to drop out of college and get a job whenever i complained about being poor - even though i worked 30 hours a week in school!). I just decided that i wouldn't let him affect me like i had been doing. i basically cut him off - emotionally. I never called him, talked to him briefly if he ever DID call (which was barely - he always said, "KIDS are supposed to call the parents!" - WTF??). i basically became the daughter that sent evidence of my existence on birthdays and holidays.

But things are better now. i'm glad. i think it's because he's got MS and it's really affecting him. But i think if i hadn't have detached from him back then, i would still be hurting by his zingers. Now if he's mean, i just tell him i have to go wash my hair or something, and he knows not to contact me for a while.
I think A-ron's advise of ignoring him is good, but i think the real way to hurt him, is to get over him. It's great you don't hate him. Just don't have ANY feelings about him, and that will make him crazy!!!! It might even make him realize his follies in his relationship with you.
And if he doesn't notice? Who cares! Treat him like some distant uncle, and remember he can't hurt you anymore.

I don't know what all you've been through in your youth, but try being indifferent to him - not for HIM, but for YOU.

Good luck!

S E E Quine said...

` I agree, Cas.

` When I was fifteen, still deeply codependent on him and contemplating suicide constantly, I remember looking at him one day and crying. He told me to shut my mouth and that I had no reason to cry (which is also what he'd say when I was going through a crisis, serious injury, attempt to kill myself, etc).
` I had realized that I didn't love him and thought; "I'm such a horrible person! He's such a great parent!" In reality, of course, he terrorized me constantly, but I thought being a cruel control freak was part of being a parent.

` Now I don't care what he thinks. I could tell him about my life or not. I guess I'd choose to, just to tell him that I've moved on and that I'm not like some kid living in my mom's house - which he knows nothing about and will never know unless I write to him.
` See, he won't call because, he claims, my mom has a restraining order on him, despite the fact that my mom's lawyer said; "That's not true, Mr. Hazel."
` He just pretended the guy wasn't even there and kept talking. So, in each letter he sends, he always tells me to call him. In fact, in his last letter he told me that I needed to take a 'vacation' at his house in order to 'unwind' or whatever.
` Yeah, the last thing that ever happens in his presence is unwinding, due to his constant harassment.

` I will probably never see him again, though I figured it wouldn't hurt me to let him know how I'm doing and that I want nothing else to do with him.

S E E Quine said...

` HEY!! Cas! I just noticed an envelope on the floor, and it's the card you sent! I likeee!!!! Thanks!! It's funny and I like the cake drawing. It's so... cute and Cassie-like. I assume that is an evil Santa Claus statue.
` And it has your address on the back. This means I can send you one now, though I'm planning on making it a New Year's card.
` Butter Cookies, who is meowing on my lap, says; 'Mrar!' which either means, 'hellooo!' or 'pet me, dammit!'