So, how HAVE I been feeling?

` Well, this is a rough time in my life; I think I'm entitled to tell you how I'm feeling. I don't really know where to begin, though I do enjoy being given something to work with. Especially since I'm tired right now and have trouble thinking.

` Luckily, the Color Quiz always knows your feelings and emotional conflicts (or lack thereof) from moment to moment! It analyzes what you are feeling just from the order in which you select rectangles of various colors and tells you what's going on in a very specific way based on the hundreds of very specific combinations to choose from.
` It's true... if freakishly. With the book, you can look at your results first, then choose completely different results and compare them. Assuming you're not colorblind, your own results will illustrate what you are feeling while the not-your results will not apply at all!

` Here's what I found for myself:


Your Existing Situation

Seeks to express the need for identification in a sensitive and intimate atmosphere where esthetic or emotional delicacy can be protected and nurtured.

` No kidding! I've broken up with my boyfriend and have to move out by February whether or not I get a steady job that I can support myself with.
` Also, my computer is broken and I have to get new parts before then. Grah. You could say I'm stressed and a bit hurt so I need to get away to heal and be myself.


Your Stress Sources

Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her, as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

` That's true: I absolutely love the idea of being totally independent and intellectual - and have friends who are like me - while at the same time I really want someone to help me with my chronic 'physical' numbness. And dammit, I can't get that because I don't have anyone!
` My self esteem is kinda low because I've distanced myself from Phil so much and avoided addressing this problem because I knew I would have to move out on my own. I'm going to need a lot of encouragement in order to take this big leap.


Your Restrained Characteristics

Exacting in her emotional demands, especially during moments of intimacy leaving her frustrated in her desire for a perfect union.

` Yes, my exacting emotional demands have never been met, being as I've never precisely been able to be intimate with anyone!

Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

` Yes, circumstances demand that major securities must go - such as money, medical insurance and a roof over my head - and yet it will be a bit of time until I get some space and freedom. And a delicious man, who I probably will need if I am to 'clean' my perception of touch off.


Your Desired Objective

Seeks success. Wants to overcome obstacles and opposition and to make her own decisions. Pursues her objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. Does not want to feel dependent on the good will of others.

` Indeed I don't. I'll do what I must, I'll do what I need to stay mentally healthy, and I sure as hell don't want anyone to think that I cannot make it on my own! Even though I might actually not be able to. Sounds stubborn, though isn't that the right attitude when you're forced to try?


Your Actual Problem

Afraid that she may be prevented from achieving the things she wants and therefore demands that others should recognize her right to them.

` You could say that! I'm going to need some help and cooperation if I am to find a place to live, a decent job, and eventually, a man who wouldn't mind assisting me with my conversion disorder.

Needs to be valued and respected as an exceptional individual, in order to increase her self-esteem and her feeling of personal worth. Resists mediocrity and sets herself high standards.

` Indeed. I'm not mediocre. I'm passionate about things, like writing, drawing and having my own space. And men. Delicious, delicious men. Men who might be sensitive to my need of wanting to rid myself of the feelings of perceptual novocain.
` Lately, men are all I've been able to think about. Why? It completely rids me of my splitting migraine and nausea, instead allowing me to feel better than I have since I don't know when! I didn't even know I was remotely capable of feeling great!
` Maybe this is normal when you finally decide to stop suppressing your sex drive after years of never doing so before....


` Anyway, I think I need to get back to bed. Pacific Time is currently: