Sunday, July 23, 2006

Groovy Hecticity.... Yeah, that's what it's called!

` This is meant to be a fairly sciencey blog, and I do indeed have more sciencey things a-brewin'... but dammit, I've been busy! (That's why I'm staying up past my bedtime to post this!)
` So today, all I have for you is said busy-ness, which includes my second beach party (where I was swarmed over by allegedly blood-sucking arthropods), as well as a bonus post (like I'd promised!) that covers my first beach party, which I've been meaning to put up for over a month. It has a whole mess of pictures to boot - more than any other post on my whole blog!!

` So, what's been going on at the Lou Lair? First, the least interesting thing: Our Venus fly trap hasn't been doing its job!!! Lou has been vampirized by more than a few freaky pollinating insects!

` Those freak nectar feeders won't be making more mutant eggs with my blood! As you can see, I have repremanded the plant severely. Look how it writhes in agony! ...Or maybe that's just the fan.

` So, as I'm sure a few of you might be wondering, what's been keeping me so busy that I can't feed my blogging addiction? Well... on Wednesday night, I hung out with my Denny's friends, sketchbook in tow for the first time!
` I did this darling little pen sketch of Dandruff going to hell in a handbasket... with pretty little flowers on it! Below that, there was a drawing of two cute little demons - Nympho and me with devil tails, basically - and she was eating my nose off!
` Then, the whole group of us - also including Jesus and Wendizzle - took a couple of cars up near Fred Meyer to a donut shop, where we all ate respective donuts. I really wanted to go home eventually because I wanted to be able to get up before noon, so I came up with this creative plot to get home by converging at the Denny's parking lot so that I could get my car.
` At about one in the morning, we arrived at the expected parking lot and were unexpectedly greeted by an enormous cloud of burned rubber from a nice-looking classic car. Apparently, the guy who was doing said rubber-burning was in his car at the time to do specifically that. Why, beats me - i's probably bad for his tires....
` According to Dandruff, there was some dancing going on there as well, though I was probably home at the time, throwing up the overly sugary baked and/or fried good whilst showering. (Don't worry, there were no dishes present.) Then, I collapsed into bed and was so tired the next day I didn't even go to Zippy's!

` In fact, I forget what happened on Thursday... all I remember is that it was hot and that I was wandering around with my Crappy Digital Camera (CDC), the result of which is forthcoming on this very post... oh, the suspense!

` But first, on Friday I nearly died of sunburn and sweating while I tried walking twenty blocks or so while wearing something totally freaky: The Sundress. It was so unpleasant that I may never wear it again. Which is good, I guess, because Phil (that guy I wasn't interested in but since he was the only guy I knew, I stayed with for five years) was the one who bought it for me. (Thankfully, I just learned that he still lives with EdgeWalker and Butters - like old times! - though not right next to the Co-Op anymore. Yay!)
` As I was saying, donning The Sundress was not a good idea - first of all, I thought it would have been cooler than my usual shorts and tank top... not even close: My crotch was about the stickiest part of my body - and I wasn't even horny! ...That I know of. Plus, the straps scratched against my sunburn.
` Even more irritatingly, I think even more random men complimented me on my appearance than usual while I was out walking all around town, though at least I didn't get any invites to parties or guy's houses. This one homeless guy at this psycho political protest thing that happens regularly on Colby and Hewett said that I looked even more lovely than usual.
` After getting some Co-Op food and depositing a check, I hiked a grueling hour back home and then, via my Chevy Burgundy Rectangle, accompanied and fed Book Listener, who had called me to say that she was both personless and foodless.
` That night was also particularly surreal: Lou and I listened to B-rad-dizzle sing at this Karaoke place. And can he sing!?! He did this one White Scorpions song, as well as Hey Jude and it was just flawless! By the end, he had everyone going; "Naaa, na, na, na-na-na-naaaaaa! Na-na-na-naaaaaa! He-ey, Jude!"
` Yeeeeah!
` And then afterwards, there was this place I've really gotta take a picture of! In the back, there's these cartoon bricks and crazy, smiling cartoon flowers and stuff all over the place - Lou was showing it to me because he used to live in a trailer out back. Since we were viewing it at night, we saw that the green part of the walls are translucent and you can see light shining through them!
` I had no idea that building was so... dementoid! Formerly, all I had been aware of had been the front, which has this giant, ten-foot-tall rocking chair in the yard.
` I've always wondered if it's fixed to the ground or not.... I promise you pictures, in the future!

` The fuuutuuurrre!

` Which reminds me, as you may recall from Wednesday's 'Face it: I'm a morning person', that there was a twisted, melted plasma center sign I wanted to photograph. Well, I did that the very next day, no kidding:

` Yay for arson! Mindless destruction via burning! Hooray!!

` But that's depressing. I don't like being depressing. Yesterday sure wasn't depressing, either: Lou and I went all over town searching for an open pawn shop, but they were all closed by that time. (Which I suppose can be construed as to be depressing, though it really wasn't. Mildly discouraging, perhaps....)
` Since we were parked on Hewett and Oakes, we decided to wander into Alligator Soul, a real cultury joint I've always wondered about. There was this really great singer who sounded just like Louie Armstrong when he sang 'What a Wonderful World' - meanwhile I was devouring some lovely Fried Green Tomato salad... what a great idea!
` (Also, the keyboardist had a Clavinova like mine - except portable! Now, I could really use one of those....)
` Then, Lou and I went home, ate this really great organic ice cream and watched Waiting. That is a damn good movie, considering it's about people who work in a trendy chain restaurant. Unbelievable! (And the whole 'frontal male nudity game' only appealed to my oversexed-yet-sexually dysfunctional side.)
` I must say that, sadly, even Waiting was better than Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - what was that director thinking, anyway? Amusingly, I thought John Williams's brains had turned to mush ("Where's the good music going to come in? So many lost opportunities....") until I realized that his name was not even in the credits!
` If the fifth Harry Potter movie is made by whoever did that one, I won't even bother watching it, as much as I liked the book The Order of the Phoenix.
` Also, Aeon Flux was even worse - and where the hell did they pull the plot from? I liked the animated series, but this was retarded, plain and simple! ...Though, I did think that The Island was cool (even if it was basically like a sexy, action-adventure version of Clonus), though this may have to do with the fact that when I'm really tired, movies seem less cliché.
` By the way... in both these movies, there are clones that have memories of the people they are clones
of: This is the kind of stuff that scientists who actually clone animals will laugh their asses off at.

` Anyway, I'm ranting about movies, and I apologize. I did, after all, go to a big party today, and there is a bit to say about that. ...Only two pictures, though, as I'd taken plenty last time.

` Today was Dandruff's birthday - yay for his being able to buy booze now - and we celebrated at his stepfather's beach shanty under the blazing Pacific Northwest sun. Lou, Book Listener and I got there first, shortly followed by a girl I thought was going to be in a wheelchair with her mom, but was instead passed on the ginormous cliff ramp by Book Listener and myself (intending to help her down) as she was being escorted on foot by her brother.
` D'oh!
` Oddly, something was missing from the party from the start. That would be Dandruff.

` Basically, we sat around not saying a whole lot, and then Lou and I headed off to a secluded shady spot for nothing more than reclining on some nice, peaceful, dead trees while being shaded by living ones. In fact, I myself didn't talk much at all the whole time, being subdued by my dreaded Square Patch. However, I did record some things with my Sony Handicam.
` First of all, I taped the fact that there were beached boats and absolutely huge patches of seaweed this time. This was also the only thing I photographed with my CDC. Obsereve!

` In fact, here is a much prettier - and even boatier - picture, complete with mountains in the distant haze. I can't believe there's still snow up there....

` As people started arriving, Book Listener, Wendizzle, Dandruff, Lou and I wound up squishing around the clam holes, sinking in the sand and then splashing through the seaweed as the tide slowly trudged its way up the beach.
` Unfortunately, the water was infested with these ginormous gray flea-like shrimp-things that were apparently attached to the seaweed. Wendizzle called this to my attention when she started saying; "Ow! I wish these things would stop biting me!" I shrugged my shoulders and continuted paddling around and playing fetch with an extremely energetic black lab (who had been romping around with her Basset buddy the entire time I was there!).
` After I had fallen off of Dandruff's boogie board into this huge clump of decaying seaweed (which probably made me look like a bright green, newborn foal), I arose as The Seaweed Master or some such and demanded that everyone bow before me.
` "Never!" shouted Dandruff.
` "Why you little...." my proclamation was cut short when I felt this stinging sensation on my thigh. I looked down and saw this... ladybug-sized, flea-looking thing biting me!
` Soon after, it happened again... and again... and again!
` What the hell!? Was I being accosted by amphipods?
` (Photo updated because last one disappeared.)
` They looked kinda like that... except much bigger and more opaque. And they kept biting and biting... I wound up paddling around far and wide on the boogie board, screaming like a pansy, unable to escape the floating dead seaweed or the Giant Beach Fleas, which continued to attach themselves to my body. Somehow, one even managed to get up onto my back, which I discovered when it bit me!
` "What do you want from me?" I screeched. "My blood? Is that it!? I thought you were vegetarians! But then again, that's what mosquitoes always tell me...."
` Eventually, the pests ousted me from their slimy green habitat... although no one else was afflicted as badly. In fact, when Nympho, Dead Fetus Guy and Jesus - wearing the broken Birth[day] Girl tiara in earnest - arrived two hours late (while I was busy grappling with Lou) they got right in and played with the seaweed. In fact, Dead Fetus spent a half hour completely covered in layers of the stuff - like a dead tree with Spanish Moss - and he didn't even notice anything!!
` Meanwhile, I was walking along the beach, videotaping my friends as well as some dogs in the water nearby, and none of them was having any problems.... And then my foot happened to stray too close to the water and a Giant Sand Flea bit one of my toes - I saw it clearly!

` What the hell!?

` Then, Lou took me out on an inflatable raft... which immediately took on water. So, we dumped out the water and plugged up the drain - which is a useful thing to do before getting into a boat - and just as I pushed off from the beach, my foot got wet momentarily and....
` I was immediately bitten by another Giant Beach Flea! ARRRRGH!
` After having shaken the Giant Beach Flea off my foot, I had a much more tranquil time in the boat. ("Hooray! I'm in the water, but the fleas can't get me!")
` Despite Lou's ever-increasing super strength, our boat continued to slowly rotate in the wind, so I got some pretty good 360 shots of the mountains, people, shanties, the dogs, and Nympho and Jesus chasing after us for our souls or... something. Luckily, Lou managed to ward them off with the paddles.
` For a while, he fought the wind and after a few minutes and much effort, he managed to nearly pass the neighbor's shanty. And then one of the paddles came loose and we spun around until we came to rest on the beach. Meanwhile, a motor boat carrying a couple and their small children took off right next to us, and the only problem they had was the fact that they'd forgotten their anchor.
` Grah. Goody-goody motor boats....

` Lou also set off the tiny little fireworks that were to be for this evening were it not for Dandruff's family engagement interfering... which is weird because we left at five o'clock, a still-roasting time of day before the angry sun had even begun to back down its constant beating.
` Eventually, everyone, including Dandruff's mom had wandered off down the beach, when Lou tried something very creative that scared the crap out of Book Listener: He lit an entire cardboard roll full of fireworks on fire!
` A few of them shot into the air while the rest of them loudly popped where they were, although there was nothing to see except for yellow flames and trails of smoke. We had to get a container of water for that one.

` Well, everyone had disappeared, except for Dead Fetus Guy, who apparently was showering. By about 4:40, when the tide was threatening to cut off all walkways to the shanty wall, Dandruff returned, wondering where everyone had gotten to, which was especially concerning because he needed to leave soon.
` It was also good, because I had wanted to give to him my present - a belt, which he said he needed for a pair of shorts whose previous belt had been destroyed. I hope it's the right size. Handing him the belt and exchanging hugs with him and Dead Fetus guy, we set off for the ramp that goes up the cliff just as Anonymous Dawn called me, bored to tears at a small airport in Ohio.
` We talked until after we'd dropped off Book Listener and discovered that a yard sale's beautiful dresser had been sold (aw, darn... we only have two tiny crappy little dressers!) and then had bought 'air conditioning fuel' before heading home. In fact, I took a Crappy Digital Photo (CDP) of myself on the phone in front of our State of the Art air conditioner!

` And here is a CDP of its 'fuel components' - gnarly chunks of solid dihydrogen monoxide....

` After Anonymous and I had ceased our conversation, I talked for a good long while with 'Jonathan' until Lou accosted me once again.
` For a while afterward, Lou serenaded me with his guitar, we watched Waiting again, and then I stayed up and am IMing The Swill Man, who is telling me about unreleased video games. Of particular note is Desert Bus, from the demented minds of Penn and Teller. You will not believe this:

"The bus contains no passengers, and there is no scenery or other cars on the road. The bus veers to the right slightly; as a result, it's impossible to tape down a button to go do something else and have the game end properly. If the bus veers off the road it will stall and be towed back to Tucson, also in real time. If the player makes it to Las Vegas, they will score exactly one point."

"The player then gets the option to make the return trip to Tuscon for another point (a decision they must make in a few seconds or the game ends). Players may continue to make trips and score points as long as their endurance holds out. Some players who have completed the trip have also noted that, although the scenery never changes, a bug splats on the windscreen over halfway through the first trip, and on the return trip the light does fade, with differences at dusk, and later a pitch black road where the player is guided only with headlights."
` What... the... hell? He says it's extremely boring. Indeed. Well, anyway, I require sleep, so enjoy my bonus post (just below) - but beware the fact that I'd gone to town with the CDP!


Galtron said...

No wonder that game never made it.... like Intelligent Design, I'm sure that Judge Jones would rule it "Breathtakingly Inane."

Go Penn & Teller! ...And go Matt M!

Those Giant Beach Fleas sure sound scary! For some reason, I've never run into them. Lucky me!
Nice air conditioning, also!

And as for that weird cartoon house you were talking about..... where is it? The next time I'm in Everett I might try to see this for myself!

S E E Quine said...

` Ironically, I've just walked over there and back with my CDC! Expect pictures soon!
` It's a purple house on Colby Ave around 13th street... it's on the next block over from a really big tan building that I think is part of the college.

` Good luck!

Rev. Bongwater, KSC said...

Freakin' amphipods!

ps come visit some time

S E E Quine said...

` Good idea - I just remembered that I've never actually gone up to visit you before!
` Bad me! Bad me!

crabcake said...

Giant beach fleas? This gives me so many ideas!

I don't believe anyone has made a movie yet about giant beach fleas. They covered ants, spiders, and rats. Moths, lizards, even a 50 foot woman and walking dead people but yeegads woman! Giant sand fleas is totally open and new. We could get rich!

UGH! I hate typin those little letters in at the bottom. I can't see the little boogers for crap!

S E E Quine said...

` Sorry... they wouldn't be there if spam didn't love my blog so much.

` Yes, I'm surprised no one has ever made a movie about giant sand fleas. Have any script ideas?

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