Showing posts with label Critical Thinking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Critical Thinking. Show all posts

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Checking more of my email!

Because I just need to. Took a long enough nap today, should be able to pull it off. Here's a few of the tidbits I wanted to point out... before deleting them! Here's some inaccessible Nature articles...

Scientists find world's biggest snake

'Titanic' boa fossils provide clues to past tropical climate.

Researchers have found fossils of the biggest known snake in the world, a discovery that could shed light on the climate of the tropics in the past.

The scientists estimate the snake lived 58 to 60 million years ago and was around 13 metres long.

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Pygmies share a recent common ancestor

The rise of farming may have caused formation of diverse groups.

Pygmies in Western Central Africa may have evolved from a common ancestral group and, less than 3,000 years ago, split into the diverse array of populations seen today, according to a new genetic study. The researchers believe that the spread of non-pygmy farmers through Western Central Africa may have driven pygmies into isolated groups, prompting their speedy evolution into distinct populations.

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What causes schizophrenia?

Findings from a 'brain training' study challenge theory.

Researchers in Sweden have revealed a surprising change in brain biochemistry that occurs during the training of working memory, a buffer that stores information for the few second required to solve problems or even to understand what we are reading. The discovery may have implications for understanding disorders in which working memory is deficient — such as schizophrenia and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

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Hidden memories guide choices

Images slip unnoticed into the brain.

Memories that we are not aware of may be just as accurate as those we recall, researchers have found. And they might also provoke unique changes in the brain's electrical activity during recall.

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Robot copes with shifting sands

Moving over challenging terrain requires a change of gait.

Walking over loose sand is hard work, even for robots. But a team of US researchers has shown that an insect-like robot can make quicker progress in sand by using a different gait from that used on hard ground1.

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Child abuse leaves lasting 'scars' on DNA

Lingering marks on DNA could amplify stress responses.

Suicide victims with a history of abuse during childhood are more likely to carry chemical changes to their DNA that could affect how they respond to stress as adults, a study has found.

Those with no history of childhood abuse did not show the same pattern of DNA modification, and had normal expression of NR3C1, a gene linked to stress responses.

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Burnt oil and gas, not vegetation, may have caused the soot layer at the end of the Cretaceous period.

The impact of a huge asteroid or comet at the end of the Cretaceous period 65 million years ago is generally held responsible for the sudden demise of 60–80% of all species on Earth. But new results challenge the common idea that the extinctions were partly caused by global wildfires triggered by the violent impact.

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Darwin 200: Human nature: the remix

People's mindsets are neither fixed by evolution nor infinitely malleable by culture. Dan Jones looks for the similarities that underlie the diversity of human nature.

Darwin famously gave scant attention to humans in On the Origin of Species, contenting himself with the teasing pledge that "Light will be thrown on the origin of man and his history". The promised light came in the The Descent of Man, and Selection in Relation to Sex (1871) and The Expression of the Emotions in Man and Animals (1872), in which the notion of a common human origin was crucial.

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Oh yeah - have I mentioned it's been 200 years since Charles Darwin's birthday.
Hence, this:

First Junior Skeptic Book Released
to Portuguese School Kids!

In commemoration of Charles Darwin’s 200th birthday on February 12th, 2009, the Skeptics Society is thrilled to unveil a major new educational outreach project: the release of the first Junior Skeptic book, Evolução (“Evolution”).

Right now, 10,000 copies of this gorgeous, full-color, illustrated kids’ science book are being distributed to public school students in Portugal — completely free.

Reprising material originally published in Junior Skeptic #26 and #27, the new book is produced by Pat Linse, written by Junior Skeptic Editor Daniel Loxton, and illustrated by Daniel Loxton and Jim W. W. Smith. This Portuguese-language translation was prepared by immunologist and science popularizer Vasco M. Barreto.

The book is published by our colleagues at the Calouste Gulbenkian Foundation (an international nonprofit organization headquartered in Lisbon) as part of an ambitious Darwin 2009 public education program with partners that include the American Museum of Natural History and the Portuguese Ministries of Science & Technology and Education. Their Darwin 2009 celebrations include the largest and more comprehensive evolution-themed museum exhibit in the world (“Darwin’s Evolution”), a high profile series of public conferences (to be opened by paleontologist Niles Eldredge on February 13th) — and the full-color book based on Junior Skeptic.

Wondering where you can get your hands on a copy? You’ll have to wait. This free Portuguese-language school edition is an exclusive educational project for students in Portugal.

But not to worry: an English-language version is in full production now at a major North American publisher! Look for the enhanced and expanded version scheduled for wide release early in 2010….

Check it out!

And to counterpoint that one: Kooky Creationism in the U.K.

On the other hand, a lecture I was made aware of...

Thank God for Evolution

How the Marriage of Science and Religion
Will Transform Your Life and Our World

The Reverend Michael Dowd is one of the most inspiring speakers in America today. His lecture/sermon is based on his bestselling book, Thank God for Evolution: How the Marriage of Science and Religion Will Transform Your Life and Our World, which has been endorsed by 5 Nobel Prize-winning scientists and dozens of other scientific and religious luminaries across the spectrum. Since April 2002, he and his wife, Connie Barlow, an acclaimed science writer, have lived permanently on the road sharing a sacred view of evolution with religious and secular audiences of all ages, as America’s evolutionary evangelists. At home in both conservative and liberal settings, and uniquely gifted at building bridges between religious and nonreligious people, Michael — once a young-earth creationist minister — is passionate about sharing the 14-billion-year epic of evolution in ways that uplift and expand heart, mind, and soul. Don’t miss this unique performance.

And yet, sometimes, this happens when some people look harder at religion....

Losing My Religion

How I Lost My Faith Reporting on Religion in America
— and Found Unexpected Peace

William Lobdell’s journey of faith — and doubt — is one of the most compelling spiritual memoir of our time. Lobdell became a born-again Christian in his late 20s when personal problems drove him to his knees in prayer. As a newly minted evangelical, Lobdell — a veteran journalist — noticed that religion wasn’t covered well in the mainstream media, and he prayed for the Lord to put him on the religion beat at a major newspaper. In 1998, his prayers were answered when the Los Angeles Times asked him to write about faith. What happened next was a roller-coaster of inspiration, confusion, doubt, and soul-searching as his reporting and experiences slowly chipped away at his faith. While reporting on hundreds of stories, he witnessed a disturbing gap between the tenets of various religions and the behaviors of the faithful and their leaders. He investigated religious institutions that acted less ethically than corrupt Wall Street firms. He found few differences between the morals of Christians and atheists. As this evidence piled up, he started to fear that God didn’t exist. He explored every doubt, every question — until, finally, his faith collapsed. Hear his remarkable story in this lecture based on his new book.


Now this is BOSS cool!

The Search for Living Planets

We are now nearing a turning point in our quest for life in the universe — we now have the capacity to detect Earth-like planets around other stars. But will we find any? In The Crowded Universe, renowned astronomer Dr. Alan Boss — a research scientist at the Carnegie Institution and a fellow of the American Geophysical Union — argues that based on what we already know about planetary systems, in the coming years we will find abundant Earths, including many that are indisputably alive. Life is not only possible elsewhere in the universe, Boss argues — it is common. Boss describes how our ideas about planetary formation have changed radically in the past decade and brings readers up to date on discoveries of bizarre inhabitants of various solar systems, including our own. America must stay in this new space race, Boss contends, or risk being left out of one of the most profoundly important discoveries of all time: the first confirmed finding of extraterrestrial life.


This looks kinda f***ed up....


The Medea Hypothesis

Is Life on Earth Ultimately Self-Destructive?

In The Medea Hypothesis, renowned paleontologist Dr. Peter Ward proposes a revolutionary and provocative vision of life’s relationship with the Earth’s biosphere, one that has frightening implications for our future — yet also offers hope. Using the latest discoveries from the geological record, he argues that life might be its own worst enemy. This stands in stark contrast to James Lovelock’s Gaia hypothesis — the idea that life sustains habitable conditions on earth. In answer to Gaia, which draws on the idea of the “good mother” who nurtures life, Ward invokes Medea, the mythical mother who killed her own children. Could life by its very nature threaten its own existence? Ward demonstrates that all but one of the mass extinctions that have struck Earth were caused by life itself. He looks at our planet’s history in a new way, revealing an Earth that is witnessing an alarming decline of diversity and biomass — a decline brought on by life’s own “biocidal” tendencies. And the Medea hypothesis applies not just to our planet — its dire prognosis extends to all potential life in the universe. Breathtaking in scope, The Medea Hypothesis is certain to arouse fierce debate and radically transform our worldview.


Bad, humans, bad!

Why People Behave Badly

One of the most difficult problems in the social sciences is understanding why some people intentionally inflict emotional and physical pain on others. Such intentional pain occurs not only on a local level — within families, with “friends,” or in work situations, but also on a national and international scale — Hitler’s Holocaust, Stalin’s purges, and Chairman Mao’s slaughter of millions. Neuroscience is providing the potential for a revolution in our understanding of why “bad” people do what they do.

Professor Barbara Oakley uses evolutionary theory — as well as an unusually adventurous background that has earned her the nickname of a “female Indiana Jones,” to knit together disparate pieces of research that point toward answers to some of the most compelling questions in the social sciences and humanities. Dr. Oakley’s work at Oakland University involves bioengineering in many different contexts, such as the effects of electric fields on cells and the complex relationship between neurocircuitry and social behavior. She worked for several years as a Russian translator on Soviet trawlers in the Bering Sea; she met her husband while working as a radio operator at the South Pole station in Antarctica; and she has gone from private to regular Army Captain in the U.S. military. Her critically acclaimed, tongue-in-cheek titled book Evil Genes: Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriend takes readers on a provocative exploration of the darkest recesses of the human personality.


It's late, but I'm glad I squeezed that in. Much like I would a lemon. Nappy-poo is wearing off.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

New Guinea tribes created the banana (and God said 'why didn't I think of that?')

The other day, someone was telling me that bananas are 'proof' of God's existence. Why? Because they're so 'perfect' for human consumption. Now, after having done some research on cultivated fruits, I knew just what to say to this:

Wild bananas (presumably the way God made them, right?) are practically inedible. They are lemon-shaped, sour, starchy fruits filled with rock-hard seeds. You can cook then like potatoes, but they aren't very good to eat raw. The natives of Papua New Guinea were apparently the first people to make bananas that are easier to peel, eat and digest.

You can read more about it here.

Because of my quick rebuttal, I was spared being called an 'idiot' for thinking that the bananas originally did not have humans in mind while soda cans do. Also, I found a YouTube that does the same thing, and the placement of the photo at 1:20 is brilliant! (Not sure about what it says about the Big Bang, though... I'm behind in cosmology.)



Isn't that hilarious? Actually, I hear that Comfort had since conceded (in 2006) that his argument made no sense.

Now, for a quick review for popular creationist points on this subject.

1 Bananas are obviously shaped for the human hand.

Originally, they did not have this shape. They were, however, perfectly shaped for being eaten by other animals.

2 Bananas have a non-slip surface.

Just like most fruits!

3 The colors of bananas tell humans whether or not to eat them. Green-too early, Yellow-just right, Black-too late.

The same goes for almost any fleshy fruit - this is to let the species which eat the fruit know when to eat them so that the seeds will be dispersed properly, thus propagating another generation of fruit-bearing plant.

4 Bananas have a tab for removal of wrapper.

From what I hear, you can't actually peel wild bananas. Even so, it is easier to peel bananas from the other end! Did you know that? Try it!

5 The wrapper is perforated at three points.

Yes, but if you can't peel them, then what's the point?

6 The wrapper is bio-degradable.

What fruit is not completely bio-degradable? How does saying this make bananas special?

7 Bananas are shaped for the human mouth.

...after humans bred them to be this way. Originally, bananas were more spherical.

8 Bananas have a point on top for ease of entry .

Again, humans were responsible for this.

9 The taste of bananas are pleasing to humans.

And this is because humans bred them to taste good. Have you ever tasted a wild banana? I have not, but I hear they are an acquired taste.

10 Bananas are curved towards the face to make eating process easy.

Again, humans are responsible for this.

So, I hope I've debunked this silly claim! Although... the creationists also have a similar one where instead apples are the 'proof' of God's existence.

Believe what you want, it is clear that humans made apples 'perfect' for human consumption, not anything else! Go ahead. Eat an apple, plant the seeds and see what happens. You'll probably get something that is barely edible. That's why apple orchards are created by cloning the plants - you get one good apple tree after planting thousands of seeds. This is such a big deal that the one 'good' tree is then cloned millions of times.

That's why Johnny Appleseed was so popular. European settlers in America were being made to improve their land and planting an orchard was one way to do this. So, Johnny Appleseed planted a whole bunch of saplings from seed - which is considerably cheaper than cloning trees - and people stocked their orchards with those instead.

Though they couldn't eat the apples, they could still use the small, sour fruits to make hard cider. Not only that, but Johnny's gig also implied a sort of lottery - if you were that one lucky person to have hit the apple genetics jackpot, everyone would want a cutting of your tree!

Besides domestication in order to make fruits more pleasing to humans, I also wonder why these creationists don't consider other fruits. The vast majority of fruits are not very well-suited to human consumption. Even ones that are cultivated aren't that great. Take the pomegranate - it's hard to harvest, hard to open, it may not taste very good, you can chip a tooth on one of the seeds, and if the juice gets on your clothing, it's stained forever.

...Or does that just mean the devil made the pomegranate?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Making tracks...

` No, not Wonkyfoot tracks. Though it was amusing when I managed to singlefootedly convince that weird pseudoscience fanatic of the existence of Wonkyfoot. Literally, in fact. It was this foot:

` Can anyone explain to me why my ripped-up toes produce octopus suckers? Anyway, I just popped in to tell people why it is I'm constructing a new blog.
` I'm sure that most people are not really sure what is going on. Like SwillMan here. Because I love using real people as examples. He left this comment on a temporary post in my new blog:

ANOTHER blog, Spoony? Aren't we getting a little out of control now? I have no doubt that the content will be triple-A, but since you now have FOUR blogs, perhaps you could consolidate Wackmobiles and Introspection into one blog now, so you just have two science blogs and one drawing blog? I dunno- you're fucking out of control!
` But the truth is, I don't properly have any science blogs at all... yet. At least anything that is serious and intellectual. I have two silly blogs, as the doctor has noted (after stealing a lake from the Andes mountains).
` And so, I decided... I must establish one! And post with a straight face!
` This growing inspiration all started in school, where it had been getting clearer by the day just how much I am in need of focusing while making points (coming up with a proper thesis, keeping organized, etc.).
` Eventually, my mind returned to a comment (somewhere around here) left by David Petersen of Northwestern University in Chicago (if I remember correctly). I wrote him an email saying;
...I'm that blogger whose blog you commented on a while back... you said I got mostly everything right about the scientific method and stuff... though it still kinda bothers me - do you remember what I didn't get right? I'll be finishing another similar type of post in the near future, perhaps an answer would give me some kind of insight.
` Poor David - he was too overheated to write me back right away and told me he had been melting. Ironically, so have I, but I digress!
Your "melting" and mine does have one common thread and it's called perspiration. Yours is by choice and mine is unchecked circumstance...the spot market price for electrons has jumped and curtails continuous use of the air conditioner.
` He then tells me just how much trouble blogs can bring:
... Blogs are one notch below forums and basically mirror off hand and spurious comments. They also tend to bring out the beast in individuals who can hide in anonymity via the Internet and foster a persona of extreme discourteousness and popular beliefs. I know very little about your critical thinking skills Sara but I do see some remarkable depth of thinking from what you have written. I would, if possible, like to read some of your expository or narrative writing.
Now, as to the scientific method, I should ask you what you know about it and its relationship to epistemology. Do you use the scientific method in acquiring sound knowledge and here I am specifically referring to the rigors of logical thinking when it comes to decision making or the formulation of opinions.

So, give me your thoughts and we will start a discussion.

I am pleased that you find WSS interesting. Its aim is simple--free knowledge.
` So I offered him some Alligator wine (made with the finest alligators!), told him what I knew and sent him links to various posts of mine. ...And that I was starving at the time and was about to dig into some oatmeal with peanut butter.
I think I can help you understand some things Sara. We do have some things in common on this knowledge issue. Also we are both on a low food intake. And that's what I will be doing now...Friskies on a cracker. I'll get back with you in an hour or so and be prepared to write a short essay--hehe. School is never over.
` This basically spawned a whole series of emails. He told me more about the blowedness of blogs:
As far as the blog goes Sara, don't expect a whole lot of positive input. The nature of the venue promotes "hip shooting" comments from people who in general don't know what they are talking about and don't have the slightest idea how to approach an issue, research an issue, or respond to an issue.
` Pffft! Tell me about it!
They are content with poor aphorisms and are probably guided by a dictum of just how aggressive and offensive they can be in three sentences or less. Identities and deeds of the most vile are committed by mobs where the individual assumes the mantra of the mass and shuns decency, integrity, and personal responsibility.
` My all-time favorite is this one: 'Go lick you girlfriend Your "critical thinking" is a joke. Go get an education before you make yourself anymore of an idiot'
` Way to go, buddy!
` Anywho (did I just type that?), Petersen continues;
The Internet is the same way especially with most of the blogs. Before "blogs" were "forums" of which I had great experience. I used to be the senior moderator of a physics web site.
It was utter chaos when I arrived and took almost a year cleaning house and firmly establishing and enforcing the rules. Eventually, it became the top forum for intelligent discussions of physics and related fields of philosophy--even theology within the parameters of science.
` Cool!
I see Sara as a bundle of energy and desperately wishing to apply wisdom to what she is feeling inside. Unfortunately the wisdom is a product of individual maturation and accumulation of knowledge and experiences.
` Damn.
A true existential situation of angst for Sara. But take heart for all is not lost and a channeling of that energy can be directed towards the creative in writing or the arts. ... I am not sure how to understand your brashness. It's not a bad thing as long as the ultimate end is beneficial for you. The tone of your writing is aggressive and somewhat unfocused...lacking cohesion and logical flow of thoughts.
` Yeah, I get that a lot. In general. It's the ADD, trust me.
These can all be corrected in time with more and more writing and understanding the methodology of saying what you want to say in an understandable manner. ... Establishing the blog of your dreams may mean a totally different approach but that runs the risk of blocking individuals and eliminating nonsense statements...that negates the definition of a blog where anything goes.
` I can certainly live with that.
Now for the epistemology issue. It isn't that complicated, for knowledge can be gained in a variety of ways. The scientist's way involving the "scientific method" cannot always be applied to everyday life and probably shouldn't.
But the philosophical tools of logic that apply to the sciences can successfully be applied to everyday life and are extremely important. I think this is synonymous with what you call "skepticism" and that is a most healthy way of approaching an issue to discover the "trueness" of an issue.
` When it all boils down, can there really be any other way?
Understanding and applying the rules of logic will make you stand above the crowd and gain a source of knowledge that others cannot accept. WSS under "Good Science" has links to the informal logic material. ...

I will ask again for a copy of a piece of expository writing from some of your college work--something like a term paper handed in at the class. I wish to see what can be done away from your blog material.

Full tummy?
` I did write back to him and he replied:
Good to hear from you and I was impressed with the presentation of your letter. Addressing [through highlight] issues that interest you and making a comment is very good....
` And of course, I'd just had to ask (teehee!);
No Sara, I don't eat Friskies on a cracker. I originated that phrase when I worked in radio many years ago. I don't remember the circumstances but I do remember that the PD [Program Director] was driving to work listening to the radio and nearly had an accident when he heard me utter that phrase.
I understand you and your blogging Sara. You have such talent and yet few experiences or worldliness to open a site where only serious matters count. You use what you have the best way you can and for now it is the silly, undisciplined side. That will change as you mature.

Okay, you don't have any class papers. Would you consider writing one for me--about 1,000 words or so on a topic that appeals to you and you think you have sufficient material to write either an expository or narrative paper.
` Gulp.
Read these websites, study the informal fallacies, and all the examples. There will be a test soon--hehe. These will help you throughout your life by separating fraud from truth and avoid intellectual mistakes in speaking and writing.
http://www.nku.edu/%7Egarns/165/ppt3_2.html

http://www.drury.edu/ess/Logic/Informal/Overview.html

http://www.fallacyfiles.org/inforfal.html


David

PS

"Alligator wine"? Wellllll, maybe some fermented pea pod wine.
` Before I had even seen that email, I had already created my fourth blog. David admonished me:
If you work hard at the blog, keep it scholarly, and keep it clean from flamers, sexual reference, and profanity, I may have a surprise for you. I will try it for a while and see how you work with it.
` Here was the surprise (which took me a while to actually notice):

Something New Has Been Added To The Scope Of WSS

A New Blog Website ["Number Four, Bethink Avenue"] Devoted To Essays On Science, Philosophy, And Current Events

Established By

S E E Quine



Go to...

` Yes, why don't you? I have my first post up, and it won't be long before there's more! But first, finishing an essay for school on Tuesday....

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A former minister spreads the word of not-Jesus

` This bonus post was originally from late April.

` Yes, I think I've sunk to a new low of non-involvement today! That's because I need to split, yet I wish I could write about all kinds of things I keep thinking up or see on the internet. Since I have apparently gotten a few people irritated at me because I don't accept Jesus as my lord and savior and all that, I wonder what they would say to a certain article I've come across?
` And, as I enjoy stirring things up by posting my take on different points of view, why not ask various people what they think about these things anyway? Behold....

Ex-minister walks atheist path

A retiree encourages USF students to look inward, not to the heavens, for answers and says we should all be concerned about the religious right.

By SHERYL KAY
Published March 3, 2006

His message is clear: Jesus is not coming. Not today. Not ever.

At 59, James Young has spent almost a decade sharing his atheist beliefs with the public, driving every Wednesday morning from his home in Lithia to set up a tent at the University of South Florida Bull Market.

Even on the coldest morning, Young is there, ready to share, and sometimes debate, his views with anyone who will listen that there is, in fact, no such being as God.

"There are a lot of religious groups that set up tents there," said Young, a retired controls analyst. "It's important for these young people to know there is an alternative point of view."

What might surprise some of these students is that in his early adulthood, Young was an evangelical minister, preaching in churches, and even on street corners, all over Tampa.

The transformation from devoting his life to Christ to becoming an atheist was a slow one, but for Young, completely logical.

He was raised a Southern Baptist and at age 16 was introduced to a church that he called "a little more charismatic." He found great comfort there, socially and spiritually, and eventually identified with the Pentecostal movement.

"I got on fire for God," he said.

With Bible in hand, Young would often sit with friends comparing approaches to Christianity, he said. It was the first time that he recognized there might be different ways to interpret God's word.

Yet at the same time he was being taught that those who did not follow the Pentecostal approach to Christianity were doomed, and that caused him great conflict.

"My church was teaching that other denominations were going to hell because they didn't practice and follow Jesus' teaching the correct way," he said. "Well, what is the "correct' way?"

Both realizations brought Young to the conclusion that the Bible was not perfect, and that these inconsistencies made it difficult to be a complete believer.

Slowly the fire and brimstone began to wear away, and Young began to form his own dogma.

"The ultimate result was that I decided none of it was believable," he said. "I saw the absurdity, the false promises. It was all baloney."

That was 1978.

Young moved to Plant City with his wife and never went to church again.

Several years passed, and Young quietly explored his newfound atheism. He joined a humanist group in Tampa and espoused their belief that all people must take responsibility for providing solutions to human problems in lieu of reliance on supernatural solutions.

Then, in the late '90s, more fire and brimstone.

"All of a sudden the fundamentalist right Christians were becoming very militant, as they are today," he said. "They're only content when they're forcing their religious beliefs on everyone in this country through legislation."

Now when Young preaches, it is not the words of Peter or James that he recounts but the damage he perceives is happening because of the religious right.

Referring to prayer in public schools or the teaching of intelligent design to explain evolution, Young is adamant about what he sees as the dangers.

"Public schools need to be secular because if they are used for religious brainwashing, we will never have a free society," he said. "If you look at any theocratic state throughout history, it was never a free-and-open society."

And with two recent appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court possibly tilting that judicial body to the right, Young said he is truly worried about what might come next. He predicts an end to abortion rights and the beginning of prayer in school.

In fact, from the executive branch all the way to local government, Young said, "we are becoming a theocratic fascist state - hate and bigotry in a society that is touted as being free and equal, when we are really not equal."

He cited recent decisions made by local officials, including the county's refusal to recognize any gay pride event and the School Board's reversal on taking religious holidays off the school calendar.

"I don't know how long it will take for the pendulum to swing back again," he said, "but for now, I think it's a dark day ahead."

To make a difference, Young said, he will continue to spread the word of atheism and humanism, particularly at USF.

"I want these young people to know that there are a few of us out there who think that Jesus is not the answer, but that these kids are the answer."


` So, what comes to mind? Anyone??! Sorry that I have to leave right now, but I'll be back. In about two days, probably....

` [Evidently, this post had been written shortly before I'd found myself on
Gravel Road Island.]

Friday, August 18, 2006

Podunk Found!

` This post is from early June:

` Got some Straight Dope today, and since I've passed through a few back country settlements of a merely a few hundred, or even thirty or fewer people, I've been wondering about this one:

Dear Cecil:


Where is Podunk? --Thomas G., Dallas


` Hint: It's not anywhere near this place!


Cecil replies:

You're not the first guy to wonder about this, Tomaso. As a matter of fact, the search for Podunk, the archetypal jerkwater town, is one of the great adventures of philology, which, as you can probably appreciate, is not a field that has great adventures in abundance.

Allow me to quote from a letter to the editors of the Daily National Pilot, Buffalo, New York, 1846: "I hear you ask, `Where in the world is Podunk?' It is in the world, sir; and more than that, is a little world of itself. It stands `high up the big Pigeon [river],' a bright and shining light amid the surrounding darkness." There is a great deal more, all in a satirical vein, indicating that even then Podunk was thought to be a locality which, being imaginary, one might safely have a little fun with.

The idea that Podunk was purely mythical survived a long time. In 1925 philologist G.P. Krapp noted that no Podunk was to be found in the list of American post offices, which he took to be proof of the town's nonexistence--an alarming conclusion, given current opinions of the post office, but Krapp's was an innocent age. His one concession to the reality of Podunk was that it was an Indian word that had been applied to a few minor geographic features in New England.

In 1933 a Boston Herald columnist was simply restating the common wisdom when he observed that "Podunk, like Atlantis, has no locus." But even as Troy had its Schliemann, so did Podunk have its believers. One E.A. Plimpton promptly wrote to the Herald that there was a settlement called Podunk; that it might be found near Worcester, Massachusetts; and that he himself had a summer home there.

This was unsettling news, and as often happens with unsettling news, people chose to ignore it. But the truth could not be suppressed forever. A few years later the etymologist Allen Walker Read, who was later to earn everlasting glory for his explication of "OK" (see More of the Straight Dope:
What does "OK" stand for?) reported that the name Podunk had been applied to veritable heaps of places and persons throughout the northeast: to a brook flowing into the Connecticut River near Hartford; to a meadow near the said brook; to a band of Indians living near the meadow; to a different meadow 15 miles southwest of Worcester; to a pond near this latter meadow; and, under various spellings, to ponds, creeks, and meadows throughout New York State. Professor Read opined that Podunk derived from an Algonquin Indian word meaning "a boggy place."

In 1941 word of Read's work apparently found its way to the editors of the Boston Herald. They recalled that they had failed to follow up on a clue regarding Podunk that had appeared in their own pages years earlier. Filled with shame, they decided something needed to be done. Characteristically, however, they decided someone else should do it. They nominated the Worcester Telegraph to mount an expedition to establish once and for all whether a town called Podunk existed. The Telegraph accepted the challenge and assigned one William H. Moiles to the job.

"Early on a bright November morning," a later account of the expedition noted, "his safari shoved off from the Telegraph office, and by noon it had forded Seven-Mile River and was headed south into the rain forest along the East Brookfield River." Arriving in East Brookfield without further clues to Podunk's whereabouts, Moiles demonstrated the resourcefulness of a true journalist: he went into a tavern and asked the bartender. Driving in the indicated direction, he encountered a small boy with his thumb out.

"`Where're you going?' we asked.

"`Up by the old Podunk school,' he said.

"`Where is Podunk?' we asked, failing entirely to suppress a quiver of anticipation.

"`This is Podunk now,' said the small boy.

"He said it calmly, quietly, almost wearily. But we felt like Balboa."

It was later established that Podunk was an unincorporated area about six square miles in extent containing about 100 families. It is located mostly within East Brookfield, a town about 15 miles west of Worcester. Whether there is now a historical marker on the site I don't know, but if not, and the citizens of Massachusetts have any salt in them, they will see to it forthwith.

--CECIL ADAMS

` Hooray for investigatory work! Skepticism triumphs again!

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Disorient-O-Rama

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

--Someone imitating Martin Luther King, Jr.
` This post is a result of my taking advantage of my unexpected moments of strandedness: You see, just now I've gotten my errands-by-automobile done for the day and thought that I'd be out on my three-mile errand walk just now (my muscles are absolutely screaming because I didn't take one yesterday), but I have volunteered to pick up Lou at the ferry docks in an hour (an unexpected change of plans), and there's no way I'd make it back in time.
` So, I'll have to wait until after I get back in order to get everything done, then I'll be on my way to Book Listener's house to invent dinner with her and spend the night.
` I am just busy all the time - too busy, in fact, to be coherent! And so, I won't bother. Who cares about organizing my thoughts into any sort of meaningful semblence?
` But enough about me, how about other people? Well, Lou has been both busting his ass and encountering plenty of insulation filled with chocolate pudding-like rat excreta while at his construction job, which is why he is known to make such fashion statements;

` Containment suits are sooo hot, don'tcha think? As a result of all this grueling work, he is a very knotty, knotty boy and it is often enough up to me to work them out....
` Dandruff, on the other hand, is groovy enough despite the fact that he has both psoriasis and arthritis, Nympho is biking for peace, and Dead Fetus Guy continues to be the same person.
` While I was accompanying Lou to the mall optometrist, I ran into the one tiny little lesbian from Denny's, who was carrying around her girlfriend's teensy little kitten (I forget if I have nicknames for them or not, but I really don't have time to check at this point).
` Also, I saw Porky the Prostitute looking at cell phones while I was there. Speaking of drug addicts, I couldn't help but notice Seneca on display near the Far West Motel. Looks like she gave up all pretenses and is looking for someone to pay her for her uncontrollable horniness.
` Well, yay for her.

` Fun fact! Did you know that being susceptible to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, the tenth most disabling medical condition worldwide, is linked to various places on chromosomes
3q, 7p, 1q, 15q, and 6q?

` Now back to me: Despite my healthy eating and daily physical activities (speedwalking and sometimes swimming) I have gained ten pounds since February. Am I doing something wrong? Perhaps, since I'm not filling out my pants like I had been last time, I must be gaining both muscle density and fat!
` Well, at least I'm more muscly....
` I suppose that partying (= eating fattening food items) probably has something to do with it. I've been going to parties a lot lately, and I expect your full (or at least partial) attention as I write about them:

` The first party was post-birthday party for Dandruff, held at his dad's house, at which I've previously had a somewhat amusing brief adventure, during which Dandruff scolded the ever-present raccoons for getting into fights ("Now, now children...").
` Due to this party's insanity, Dandruff also could not help but to write a little about it, though that shall not stop me from doing the same... and beyond... the boundaries of good taste!
` You see, it all started when my Burgundy Rectangle's alternator started making horrible noises and I went to the disembodied car components store and bought a new one, which Lou managed to install at around six... which was good because I was able to get to Dandruff's party at a reasonable time.
` Also, since my car's been fixed, it won't have any puppies! Yay!
` What does my Burgundy Rectangle have to do with Dandruff's post-birthday party? Absolutely nothing! I just threw that in there to screw with your head.
` Anyway, when I got there, Wendizzle and her strange little sister, Sarizzle, were the only ones who had showed up so far, and my arrival was apparently our cue to begin eating some really nice, yummy salad with cashews and sunflower seeds and all kinds of weird stuff in it. It was so good that I had at least three bowlfuls - one of them while wearing one of the somewhat flamboyant party hats!


` (Yes! I got the Underdog cup!) After the salad, there was some lovely rat pizza... which, despite the name, is 100% rat-free! Rather, it was all vegetables with cheddar cheese to boot! Interestingly enough, Dandruff (Jake) appears to be named after the really old line of sourdough that was used to make the crust! ...Technically, we had baked Jake. (Hey, wasn't that a Garbage Pail Kid? Blech!)
` So really, it was more like cannibalism than rat-eating.
` After the salad, we began to see cats... and no, there were no special ingredients or anything in it. They're real and have names (which I forget), and they happen to like the pool in the backyard. Man, I wish my backyard looked like that!


` In this picture, there are two cats - the other one is all the way to the right. My Crappy Digital Camera (CDC) sure takes some large-yet-low-quality images, doesn't it?


` ...Although if you shrink them, it can become difficult to see certain things. For example, can you find the black cat in this photo taken from the upper deck? Well, zoom in and find out!


` (Hint: It's near the center.)
` After the cats went away, we began shooting off explosive confetti guns, but the bits of confetti tended to get stuck on things, as you can see in this picture of Wendizzle just after a streamer took the hit for her.


` Then, Dead Fetus Guy came by in time for the last of the pizza-eating and after-dinner bubble-blowing. (That sparkly thing is Dandruff's birthday-revamped force-field.)


` I asked Dandruff to turn his force field down a bit so that I could get a better picture of him while he forced soap through the bubble-making thingy:


` Eventually, the five of us settled down for a nice, rowdy game of Apples to Apples, which is where you take turns drawing a card with an adjective while the others match one of their noun cards to it in the most straightforward and/or creative way they can think of. I know, that sounds boring, but it actually resulted in our laughing our asses off.
` I later found mine under the couch....
` Somewheres in the middle of all this, Dandruff received a call and got down from his dad's decorative antique wheelchair to talk, so when he said; "Oh, the party's going just fine," he was just close enough for me to shout "we're having an orgy!"... and when he informed me; "That was my grandfather!" I just about died of mortification and suffocation from laughing.
` (Later on, Dandruff found that his grandfather hadn't heard me, and that he thought it was pretty hilarious when he found out.)

` Well, I'm back from fetching Lou and running my errands, though I think I'll continue for a wee bit before going on to Book Listener's house....

` As I was saying; there was a lot of spontaneous strangeness that had been stirred up by this most malevolent game.... In fact, when it was Sarizzle's turn while she was out of the room (pilfering ice cream), Wendizzle began stabbing at the place she had been sitting and shouted; "You'd better come save your essence! I'm stabbing it!"
` However, the rounds of Apples to Apples finally stopped dead when the resident raccoons showed up!


` They're actually pretty used to people, and some of them were even courageous enough to brave Dandruff's sparkly force field for some marshmallows!


` Here are two closer-up photos of the human-habituated wildlife:


` I think the one on the left is the mother of the other ones. Whichever one is largest:


` It was in the middle of raccoon-viewing that a guy named Grayson - whom I'll call MiniFonzi - to join us in raccoonery and being naughty with the paddle-balls.


` The paddle-balls sort of scared the raccoons, but they gradually ventured back.


` Meanwhile, the paddles had gotten into a threesome, which resulted in each of them being strung up by their balls and eventually neutered....


` And then, Dead Fetus surprised us all by disappearing into the other room for a few minutes and emerging with....


` ...Madonna party-hat-boobs! Which he subsequently used to stab us with.
` BTW, none of our behavior was elicited by the use of any substances (besides sugar): The bottles on the table are actually cream soda and whatnot.

` As far as MiniFonzi goes, he was very strange. And so was I, as I can't help but think about sex. A lot. Despite the fact that I'm sexually dysfunctional, and on hormones that make it more pronounced. (Or maybe it's because of it....)
` But that didn't stop me from asking him; "So, would you have sex with me at some point?" and he said; "Sure!" (And he meant it, too! Holy crabcakes!) So, I said I'd abduct him later and haul him off to my lab, which he very much agreed to.
` Of course I didn't - though I did drive Dead Fetus Guy partway home... to my driveway! From there, he had to walk two miles home. I'd have driven him further but I had to get to bed, and besides, he really didn't mind walking, nor staying up late.
` He's weird.
` He's also really funny - he made a few cracks in the car I wished I could have remembered. And speaking of partying, at Dandruff's last party, when I mentioned that Dead Fetus Guy wasn't attacked by Giant Beach Fleas? Turns out that he wound up being eaten alive by Small, Transparent Sand Fleas that hop along the beach when you lay by the surf.
` Whereas I was driven out of the water to avoid my attackers, he was driven into the water to avoid his!
` Well, anyway, it has been frickin' sunny lately - so sunny that the purple trees look brown! I even thought I saw a ghost car at one point....


` So anyway, Dead Fetus Guy and I have taken advantage of this in recent days by *gasp!* going to another beach! (This one was mercifully flea-free!)
` I remember that while I was driving us down there, I said something depressing (but in a way so as not to make it depressing) and he said in his low monotone; "Joy! Cartwheel." I halfway laughed my ass off. Then I said something even more depressing and he said; "Cartwheel and a half.... I'm not sure where that leaves me. I think I'm doing a handstand."
` While he was waiting on me to get into my swimsuit, two little kids happened by and noticed his black, zippered kilt. One said; "Look! He has a skirt! That man's a lady!"
` Haa haa haaaaa!
` A little later, while we were frolicking in the surf, which was hazardous because the further out I swam, the more disoriented I became. Sure, no crustaceans attempted to rob us of blood, though the water was trying to rock Dead Fetus Guy to sleep so that he would drown - or so he's said.
` That sea! Always trying to take us shore creatures! In fact, he even told me; "Remind me not to duck my head into the water, because my glasses will go away."
` Apparently, seas are notorious for luring away the hard-won glasses of ordinary citizens.
` Oddly, when we were coming back, we overheard some guy pointing to one of the sides of the beach, saying; "...and that beach over there is freshwater."
` Right... due to the magical powers of a section of the shore, the water loses its salt! Pssh!

` Right at this point in my writing, I left the apartment and started over to Book Listener's house, which began with a left turn past three lanes that was greatly delayed because my engine stalled! I managed to start my car again, but then I had to brake quickly when a bicycle built for two whizzed past....
` By then, I could see cars coming, and as my car choked and sputtered, they were forced to go around me. Then, as I began to continue, a motorbike passed me by going right in front of me, but luckily my car didn't stall and I was able to get into the turning lane before anyone plowed into me.
` Don't you hate it when that happens? Luckily, after my car stalled a few more times, I managed to get to Book Listener's house where I spent the night. We had groovy food, watched some movies, and I fended off her attempts of seduction and much tickling, as she really likes the way I squeal like a pig.
` I guess I am quite good at squealing, aren't I?
` I eventually extricated myself the next morning, after some lovely breakfast, and went to a nonexistant job interview. At this very moment, there is a strange man in the shower... by the name of B-rad (whose shower doesn't like him right now), and he is washing two days' worth of absolutely disgusting fiberglass insulation off of his bad gangsta self.
` By the way, since he has a bunch of musical talent, he has a Music Myspace. However, despite the fact that he can actually sing really well and wants to go into that, most of what he's already done is rap. (And most of his stuff is apparently original - he has quite an aptitude for this stuff!) Still, I like the fourth song he's put up - which is obviously a parody - "Sometimes I feel like... somebody's hatin' on me!"

` So, what was I saying? Oh yeah, funny things that people say. Well! Last Denny's night, I had been so struck by Xenophon's habit of saying things oddly (such as; "I know that human!"), I decided to write down a couple of really bizarre things that he'd said:
` "We're going to make a belly collar out of frozen Vic's Vapo Rub!"
` Wherever the hell that came from, I'll probably never know.... Also:
` "Wow! Camping! I could climb up trees and fall on people's tents (suddenly, someone put a spoon over his eye), oh, wow, you just took away my ability to see! That was so cool! It was like sunglasses, but they didn't let any light through!"
` Okay.... As you can tell, he's close to being neurotic.
` Also, someone at my table made this gyring, gimbling thing by attaching two forks to one another using a quarter (Nevada's, to be specific), and balancing them on the top of a salt shaker!
` Wish I'd had my camera. I also could have photographed R.C., the crazy gay guy who had met Lou last time who told me that he could tell Lou has a huge cock, and even conned a hug out of him in the parking lot!

` Oh yes, and I had also been talking about parties... well, I went to this dessert party which involved a teleconference with Al Franken and Barack Obama, several desserts, and me squeezing into some really tight pants.
` I didn't get to talk to Mr. Franken, although there were a lot of weird people who were at least physically present. The party itself was hosted by a somewhat interesting couple, and was populated by about eight other interesting people.
` One was Sign Guy, who has at his disposal much technology in the way of signs... in fact, he is the one who's been going around, sticking the words "practice safe" on Jeff Sax promotional signs! (Because Sax is kind of crazy.) Ye-ah!!
` Here's a picture of him, along with Left-Out Puppy. My only problem with this CDP is that....


` ...I had been attempting to photograph his electronic scrolling nametag as well, and it was behind a chair! How could I have overlooked that? So, I took another:


` Well, that was blurry and horrible, but what can I do? That vague form on the left, BTW, would be one of our hosts, Cheryl, who is a journalist and has even written a book on sugar-free desserts.
` Another interesting person who was there would be - and I thought there was something odd about him! - Ben Franklin Himself!! (Also known as 'Robin'.) And yes, I did get a picture of him, albeit a blurry one because I happened to be indoors....

` He's available for speaking as (for?) Ben Franklin at various political occasions if anyone should want to hire him.... In fact, he'd told me that his next stop was Texas... and oh!! He just sent me an e-mail that says:
Hiya, saw your comment on my Weblog about Ben Franklin, and wanted to
say thanks. Texas was great (three performances and much discussion
and sightseeing). Planning on going back when we can fit it in... WA
DC in the works as well.

Be well, Robin.
` You know, I think it's great how well the early leaders of this country have adapted to modern technology. Well, I hope he has a groovy time in Presidentland!
` And of course, how could anyone forget the ever-present Left-Out Puppy?

` That would be his 'See how cute I am? Please pay attention to me!' look. Well, anyway, the party was interesting, we listened to Al and Barack - not that I can remember at this point much of what they had said - and ate some varied and bizarre desserts, including a vegan cheesecake. Dandruff (who had in his possession a homemade chocolate peanut-butter tofu pie) almost joined us, though he said he was too tired because he had gotten up at six thirty in the morning.
` Well, I had gotten up at five-thirty... though I probably's had more sleep than he did. Anyway, too bad he missed out on the weird people and desserts. I think he would have liked it.

` Now it is later in the day. Lucas was so worn out from working too hard that not only did he keep dropping insulation during construction today, he left his wallet at Safeway and whoever found it apparently took thirty dollars out of it! Well, at least he got everything else in his wallet back....
` Plus, it's not like that's the most money in the world! In contrast, the crackheads downstairs are going crazy because they apparently displaced $200 worth of methamphetamines.
` I won't say anything else other than the fact that it's fun to mess with drug addicts!

` And now for something completely different - a Straight Dope!

Dear Cecil:

What's the origin of the word "buck," meaning a dollar? --Anonymous, Denver, Colorado

Cecil replies:

Lots of speculation, no firm conclusions. Next time we start a language we have to keep better notes. The leading theory at the moment is that buck comes from an old practice in poker. Evidently in the 19th century frontier card players were so thick they couldn't remember whose turn it was to deal from one hand to the next. So they placed a counter or token in front of the dealer du jour. This token was called a buck, since it was commonly a buck knife, whose handle was made of buck horn. When the time came for the dealer to surrender the job to someone new, he (you saw this coming) "passed the buck" to the new guy. Uh-huh.

A more plausible theory is that buck is short for buckskin, a common medium of exchange in trading with the Indians. As early as 1748 we have people writing, "Every cask of Whiskey shall be sold to you [Indians] for 5 Bucks." The transition to dollars seems only natural.

Curiously, "sawbuck," a ten-dollar bill, appears to be only indirectly related to buck. It got its name because some old ten-spots were denominated with Roman numeral Xs. The Xs looked like the X-shaped arms of the benches sawyers used to hold up logs for cutting. (Pictogrammic depiction: X-X.) The benches, which were vaguely similar to today's sawhorses, were called sawbucks.

--CECIL ADAMS

` Good ol' Cecil. Well, it's now the next morning and I've neglected to post this because I hadn't done anything for my bonus post. Well, that is what I shall do shortly:

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Friendly Health Expert or One Sick Swindler?

` I don't ask this often, but today I seek the counsel of bloggy friends. I'm a bit freaked about Lou. It's not his demeanor or anything. Nothing is different about the way he acts. Unfortunately, it is more clear than ever the nature of his paranoia about doctors. I've always thought, Lou's attitudes towards medicine seem an awful lot like this crazy informercial health-nut-fraud guy who's been exposed numerous times.
` The guy's name is Kevin Trudeau - whom he mentioned today in agreement with his views. So that's where he gets all this crap from... I'm scared.
` To give you all an idea of what this creep is up to (Trudeau), how about a pretty representative and well-written article by someone else's hand. (What, you don't expect anything from me personally now that I'm too busy to be at my computer much, do you?)

Wait, There's More

Kevin Trudeau's 'Natural Cures,' Swallowed by Millions Without A Prescription

By Libby Copeland
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, October 23, 2005; Page D01

NEW YORK

On this, our lucky day, Kevin Trudeau is introducing us to his personal electromagnetic chaos eliminator.

Trudeau, who has sold millions of books by touting the curative properties of things such as magnetic toe rings and crocodile protein peptide, believes the sole thing keeping his brain from being "microwaved from the inside out" by cell phones and radio waves is this electromagnetic whatever. We are intrigued.

"Would you like to see this magical device?"

Boy, would we!


A fixture on infomercials before a run-in with the FTC, Kevin Trudeau has a best-selling book,
A fixture on infomercials before a run-in with the FTC, Kevin Trudeau has a best-selling book, "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About." (By Helayne Seidman For The Washington Post)

On a publicity tour in the suite of a midtown hotel room, Trudeau unbuttons his fine white dress shirt.

This seems like a good time to note how extremely well-dressed Kevin Trudeau is, in the fine tradition of TV salesmen and televangelists. Over the dress shirt is a butter-colored tie that precisely matches the pocket square tucked into his luxury Brioni suit. He wears alligator shoes. On his left wrist is a Rolex Masterpiece dripping with diamonds, and on his right ring finger is a rock so big a child could choke on it.

Over the years, Trudeau, an ex-con who never went to college or medical school, has been remarkably successful doing infomercials for everything from how to achieve a photographic memory to how to cure your addictions to how to beat cancer by ingesting a particular type of calcium that, as fate would have it, he also happened to sell.

Now he sells the most popular nonfiction book in the country, according to Publishers Weekly. In "Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About," Trudeau explains how a massive cabal formed of the federal government, pharmaceutical companies and the media is keeping Americans from living well past 100. He advises everybody to get off prescription drugs, even if they have serious problems like diabetes or blood clots; he reveals how multiple sclerosis can be cured by magnetic mattress pads.

He says sunscreen doesn't prevent skin cancer. Instead (wait for it), sunscreen causes skin cancer.

But back to the microwaved-brain problem. Trudeau parts his shirt and reveals a necklace with a disk of metal hanging on it. Glory of glories! So flimsy, yet so powerful. This is the vaunted electromagnetic chaos eliminator. It is called a Q-Link, and for a while lots of celebrities were supposedly into it, before they joined the Kabbalah bracelet craze.

Beneath the Q-Link is another necklace with a black triangle pendant. This is yet another electromagnetic chaos eliminator, and we stop Trudeau as he's closing his shirt and ask him about it. Trudeau says he's not sure exactly what it's made of or what it does; supposedly it offers some sort of balancing "vibration." He's just trying it out to see if it works, he says, sounding a little sheepish.

Trudeau's publishing company -- which he happens to have founded -- says he's sold 4 million copies of "Natural Cures," many of them through phone orders. While those numbers can't be verified, his sales through traditional outlets have been astonishing -- so far he's spent 16 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list.

For those who want to save their $29.95, here are the secrets to health the government is keeping from you, according to Trudeau:

Get an electromagnetic chaos eliminator. Do some "bioenergetic synchronization." Give yourself some enemas, and then give yourself some more enemas. Wear white, for positive energy. Don't use a microwave or an electric tumble dryer or fluorescent lights or artificial sweeteners; don't dry-clean your clothes or use swimming pools or eat pork. Don't use deodorant (causes cancer) or nonstick cookware (causes cancer) or watch the news (stress alters your body's pH, which can make you get cancer). Remove the metal fillings from your mouth, and you're all set!

Trudeau's "Natural Cures" also references several helpful Web sites. One claims that if you stare into the sun every day while barefoot, you won't need food anymore. Another sells an instrument that looks rather like an index card but which promises to open a "temporal and spatial gate" that "enables an individual's entire etheric system to interface with a very large, complicated, partially automated, predefined healing process."

Lastly, if you have depression, Trudeau writes, stop taking your medication and by all means stop seeing doctors, who can't be trusted. Rather, go for a long stroll outside every day and "look far away as you walk."

If that fails, the book advises you to try Scientology. [For those of you who are not familiar with Scientology, or for that matter are beginning Scientologists, I recommend the hilarious 'Scientology Illustrated'.]

From Kirstie to Mikhail

Trudeau is a remarkable American success story in the grand tradition of traveling salesmen with cure-all potions. He could sell you your own shirt and leave you grateful for the bargain.

When he talks, his hazel eyes get big and he taps his listener on the knee. He claims he knows important people in important places. He says he was just on the phone with Kirstie Alley. He says he met Mikhail Gorbachev, "fascinating guy."

He's a victim. He's a martyr. He's just trying to help his fellow man. He hasn't been sick in 25 years and he's going to stay healthy till 150 and he might run for president one day because "there's 25 million people that would probably vote for me."

He is like a magician; you're watching his hands and all of a sudden there's some confetti and a woman in a bathing suit and when you look back, lo and behold, there's a dove. When you ask Trudeau over and over for proof of his "natural cures," he says his studies are unpublished; he says he doesn't believe in studies; he says the studies are in the book -- but they're not there. They're never there.

Watch the hands.

He does an infomercial with Tammy Faye Bakker Messner and manages to seem utterly reasonable.

He makes the credit-card fraud and larceny he committed in his twenties sound like no big deal.

Trudeau, who now lives in Ojai, Calif., east of Santa Barbara, grew up near Boston. He says his dad was a welder and his mom a housewife. He went to his first Amway meeting at 15, and there learned he wanted to be "financially free." He started a mail-order business, which he says netted him a $1 million profit by the time he was 18.

After high school he sold cars, then joined the seminar circuit, offering techniques to help people improve their memories. It was during this period that he says he got caught up in the fast life and making money. In 1990, he pleaded guilty to depositing $80,000 in worthless checks. In the sentencing memorandum, prosecutors said he impersonated a doctor when he met with bank officials. Trudeau says he served fewer than 30 days.

In 1991, he pleaded guilty to obtaining and fraudulently using 11 credit cards and served close to two years in federal prison.

Trudeau, now 42, has several explanations for his crimes: They were youthful indiscretions and not as bad as they sound, and besides, both were partly the fault of other people, and besides, he has changed. The larceny he explains as a series of math errors compounded by the "mistake" of a bank official. As for why the bank thought he was a doctor, that was just a simple misunderstanding, because he jokingly referred to himself as a "doctor in memory."

He still can't quite believe he was prosecuted. "Give me a break," he says.

The fraud he says he committed because he paid a bill late, which led to American Express giving him a bad credit rating, which just wasn't right. After that, no one would give him a credit card, which was "insane," so he had little choice but to apply for cards with fake Social Security numbers.

According to officials at the time, Trudeau also misappropriated for his own use credit card numbers belonging to customers who'd signed up for his memory improvement courses. The man formerly known as "Mr. Mega Memory" says he doesn't think he did that, but adds that was a "very blurry time in my history with all the stress."

He calls that prosecution "outrageous" and says American Express and the prosecutor had it in for him, rather like he believes the federal government has it in for him now.

"It was a sad day because I remember walking into the courtroom and above the courtroom it says these words which are completely untrue: 'Hall of Justice,' " Trudeau says, relaxing in the hotel suite with fresh fruit and magnetic water nearby. "And I thought, 'This is not the Hall of Justice because this is not justice. This should say 'Hall of the Technicalities of the Law.' Where's the justice? Where's King Solomon? But I said, 'Y'know, I've been focused on making money and what I did was wrong -- even though it wasn't a heinous crime and I could justify it nine different ways.' "

In any case, in prison "everything got reprioritized," and Trudeau says he decided to stop focusing on money. He became buddies with a visiting Lubavitch rabbi. He decided to try out being Jewish (he'd gone to Catholic schools) and found out about "corruption in the Department of Justice" when he had difficulty getting kosher food.

He decided his new mission was to help people. (The Jewish thing didn't last.)

'One of the Best Salespeople'

In prison on the West Coast, Trudeau hooked up with a fellow inmate named Jules Leib, who was in for attempted distribution of cocaine. He gave Leib some self-help books. When they got out, they went into business together, making infomercials and selling health products as distributors for an Amway-type multilevel marketing company called Nutrition for Life. Right away the trouble started.

David Bertrand, the former president of Nutrition for Life, remembers Trudeau listening to motivational tapes "incessantly." He says Trudeau was "brilliant" and "one of the best salespeople I've ever known," and recalls that in 1996 the company nearly tripled its sales in large part because of Trudeau. The man could sell because he seemed to really believe in what he was saying, Bertrand says, but he repeatedly took it too far.

Bertrand says he became concerned that Trudeau was making overly optimistic promises to potential distributors about how much profit they could make. "We had a number of conferences where we asked him to cool it," Bertrand says. "It scared us."

At one point, Bertrand says, he learned that Trudeau had promised free trips to entice people to sign up as distributors. The trips never materialized, there were complaints, and Nutrition for Life had to step in, says Bertrand, and fund a weekend cruise for thousands of people.

"At the time he made the promise he fully intended to comply," Bertrand says. "He always intends to but he kind of gets carried away in his exuberance."

In 1996, the state of Illinois sued Trudeau and Leib, accusing them of operating an illegal pyramid scheme. The men wound up settling with Illinois and seven other states after agreeing to change their tactics. Trudeau and Leib split up, though Leib still speaks fondly of the former "life coach" who introduced him to the magic of multilevel marketing.

"He's probably one of the brightest guys you'll ever meet," says Leib. "He gave me Anthony Robbins's 'Awaken the Giant Within.' " (Later, Leib encourages a reporter to try supplements. "I'm on this great liquid," he says.)

In 1998, Trudeau paid half a million dollars to settle a Federal Trade Commission complaint that several infomercials he helped create were false and misleading. The products included a "hair farming system" that -- according to the infomercial -- was supposed to "finally end baldness in the human race," and "a breakthrough that in 60 seconds can eliminate" addictions, purportedly discovered when a certain "Dr. Callahan" was "studying quantum physics."

In 2003, the FTC came after Trudeau again. The complaint and a separate contempt action centered on two products, one of which, Coral Calcium Supreme, was being billed as a cure for cancer, according to the FTC. Trudeau's guest on the infomercial, a man named Robert Barefoot, went so far as to claim that in cultures that consume a lot of calcium, people are so healthy "they don't even have children until they're in their seventies when they're mature enough to handle kids."

This time, said FTC attorney Heather Hippsley, the settlement was "unprecedented" in its scope. In addition to paying $2 million (in part by handing over his $180,000 Mercedes Benz), Trudeau agreed not to do any more infomercials selling products or services. The only thing he would be permitted to sell on-air was "informational publications," and he has greater leeway with what he can say in those because of his right to free speech.

Hence, the book.

Trudeau points out that his settlements were not admissions of wrongdoing. His attorney, David Bradford, suggests that the terms of the most recent settlement weren't terribly punitive -- indeed, this was a direction Trudeau wanted to take anyway.

"Trudeau had made an independent decision that he really wanted to focus on being an author and consumer advocate," Bradford says.

Still, in his book, Trudeau claims repeatedly that he's the victim of censorship. He likens the government to the Gestapo. He compares himself to Rosa Parks and Gandhi. He says because of "this FTC suppression" he can't recommend specific products to cure his readers' illnesses.

However, he says, readers can join his Web site. For just $9.99 a month or $499 for a lifetime, they can gain access to the special members-only section, and there they can e-mail him and he'll reveal his secrets.

'They Know That I Know'

Trudeau says he has considerable proof of the conspiracy working against the health of the citizens of this nation, but the nation will have to take it on faith. He says there are "government agencies" and "entire industries" that are spending "billions of dollars" to keep people sick so they can continue to make money. He says he has Nobel Prize winners as informants.

"I can't mention their names," he says. "There's a lot of insiders that I know, that are friends of mine, but I can't mention their names because one of the reasons why I was capable of writing this book was I have so many insiders that give me the information. . . . And this is why everyone in Washington is frightened to death, and that's why the government is trying to shut me up. Because they know that I know. They know I've been in the meetings. You know what it's like? It's kind of like I've got the black book with everyone's names. And they know: This guy starts naming names, it's going to be out of control."

Readers will have to trust that Trudeau knows of a doctor who found a cure for AIDS, and that another doctor "discovered a serum that virtually made cancer tumors vanish in 90 minutes" but "was completely shut down by the FDA." Trudeau never names these doctors. He says "researchers have concluded that speaking the correct form of words and thinking the correct thoughts actually changes a person's DNA," but he never reveals who these researchers are.

Readers will have to take it on faith that Trudeau will soon be putting proceeds from the book and the Web site into nonprofit groups dedicated to teaching natural remedies and suing the government. They'll have to trust that they don't really need medications their doctors have prescribed and that the supplements they're ordering over the Internet will work.

They'll also have to ignore the places where Trudeau stretches the truth: What appears to be a back cover endorsement from a former FDA commissioner is actually a 35-year-old quote. Quotes inside are purportedly from Bill Gates in a television interview, but Trudeau puts more words in Gates's mouth. ("I paraphrased," Trudeau says.)

Trudeau's book appeals to a nation that has been disillusioned by managed health care, by rushed and impersonal doctors, by diseases that didn't use to be diseases except these days everything has a name and a pill to go with it. Ask your doctor if it's right for you.

Those who report success with Trudeau's book say they're discovering that they've been overmedicated. They've cut down on this or that drug for this or that minor problem and discovered they never needed it. They've tried the book's most conservative recommendations -- eating organic foods, taking supplements, cutting out sodas -- and write in to say they've lost weight. Few appear to be curing their muscular dystrophy, or reporting success with magnetic toe rings.

Some people post angry reviews on Amazon.com, saying they feel "ripped off" and "gullible" for buying "Natural Cures."

Some vacillate.

"It's a scary step to take," says Joyce Nuuhiwa, 61, who lives in Honolulu and has Type 2 diabetes. Nuuhiwa has read Trudeau's book, and she's considering quitting both her medications and trying a combination of herbs that Trudeau advises. (He writes in the book that this diabetes "cure" was discovered at the University of Calgary, but officials there say they've never discovered any such thing.)

Nuuhiwa is disappointed by what her doctor said -- that the disease is progressive, that eventually she'll have to be on insulin. She wants to believe the diabetes is reversible, and frankly, she doesn't trust everything doctors tell her. She suspects, for example, that there's already a cure for cancer, that Trudeau is right about the conspiracy. But she's not sure if he's right about her diabetes.

She says there's something "slick" about him that makes her uneasy.

"If I could be assured that he's totally honest I would be diving into this, but this is my life I'm talking about," she says.

He is slick, but somehow likable, too. He curses and does voice imitations. He is attractive, if not handsome, and people say he's popular with the ladies. He says he has a girlfriend who's almost 20 years younger; she's a student and part-time model.

He says he lives out his healthy living convictions. He says he recently got back from an ashram. He says he carries a shower filter with him wherever he goes, to eliminate the fluoride and chlorine he considers poisonous. After a few hours with Trudeau, you think maybe it's not all just a show. Maybe he really believes he's offering cures. Then he says this about that funny-looking necklace he wears, the electromagnetic chaos eliminator:

"If it doesn't work, what's the harm?"

He reveals that when he was young he used to perform magic tricks at kids' birthday parties.

Watch the hands.

"Kevin wouldn't allow us to have Equal in the office," says Janine Contursi, who briefly dated Trudeau in the 1980s and then worked for him in the '90s. She remembers that once, when she worked for him, she threw out her back, and Trudeau spent "thousands of dollars" to send her to an alternative health clinic. There, she was offered tips on positive thinking.

Her back did get better, she says. But it could have been because of the chiropractors.


` Trudeau seriously makes me cringe. Of course, Lou isn't the type of person who would try to force everything Trudeau says on me, but it's somehow unsettling that such an intelligent person could put so much trust in such a weasely salesman.
` The horror... the horror....

` If you think all this is bad, the book doesn't even have his promised 'cures' in it! For those, you need to access his website and pay to have e-mail containing the cures sent to you! These, he promises, are the only documents that contain them!
` ...And yet, the e-mails merely repeat things from his book! There's nothing new in them! In other words, it's a gyp! (And he has access to people's credit card numbers - scary!)

` Correction/Update: This was true at first, but then he published a second, expanded edition of his book, which does list the 'cures' he claims to have.
` For more information and numerous links to mostly the numerous examples of Kevin Trudeau's untrustworthy nature (lack of qualification, crimes and false endorsements), please see the Wikipedia article.

` If you can stand the horror. Oh, and give me any advice that pops into your head. I'd appreciate it.