Crack whores and tweekers and powder in beakers...

` Note: This 'bonus draft' was not written that long ago....

` These are a few of my least fav'rite things! ...Though at least Fuzzyface (the retarded, toothless crackhead), Troglodyte (the mutant alcoholic) and his (now former) girlfriend, Porky (the blubbery prostitute) have been thoroughly evicted.
` More drug-addicts have moved in since then, though at least I don't have to look at the inside of the Gross Couple's pig sty of an apartment every time I come and go, seeing them with the door wide open, acting like the intoxicated morons they are.
` (I don't know what happened to the Gross Couple, although Fuzzyface is now homeless.)

` Also, our almost-normal-if-she-weren't-bipolar friend, Allo, moved out this spring shortly after our Gravel Road Island camping trip (she said that she was also going camping that very weekend). She was a decent and reputable person, actually, and she and her red-eyed black Persian both liked me. She moved somewhere else, though, and now these meth-addicted girls are living in her former apartment.
` They're not what I'd call disgrusting, although since one of them (let's call her Seneca) has taken a liking to B-rad, he's afraid she might try to break into his apartment and steal his things. In fact, he called me the other day asking to listen for someone breaking into his apartment because she had just called his cell to see if he was home.
` Hell! What is with people? Er... well, drugs that are almost impossible to part from, obviously. But that's not what I mean. Where do these people come from?
` Ever since she graduated from high school, Seneca has been smoking crank, which apparently gives a girl so the ability to have multiple 'gushers' as many times as she wants. (I might be sexually dysfunctional, but I'd still have to say no thanks!) In fact, one morning a knock sounded at the door and it was her looking for B-rad, wearing a translucent cotton dress and no underwear!!
` Whoa.
` And the other night, at about two in the morning, I heard her singing in the front yard and meowing. I don't know why, but I find that funny. In fact, with some of the people in this building we could start the Geekolympics! It would have events such as 'how many white specks can you pick up off the floor in one minute?' and 'how many laps can you walk around the living room?'
` ...You'd pay good money to see that, wouldn't you?

` Joking aside, I think that being seriously messed up is a real tragedy. (I should know, considering my life....) I'm not saying that Seneca and her roommate are necessarily slobs, but they are still unhealthy. In fact, their beautiful hair and teeth will probably wind up falling out.
` Hate to be them!
` I've recently heard of an entire messed-up family from my friend, Book Listener. She went all the way to Oklahoma to visit her boyfriend's relatives - problem is, he seems to be the only one in his family who's a decent person.
` His dad's a really good architect and could find a way to construct anything... except he doesn't because he's a really creepy and mean alcoholic. Also, his house is literally a garbage dump; there are flies and bees and ants everywhere crawling on rotting garbage on the floor. What's worse is that they didn't house-train their dogs, and don't generally clean up after them, so there's dog crap everywhere!!
` Eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
` Book Listener was lucky to get the room in the house she got - it was cluttered, but at least it wasn't filthy.
` And why is the house like that? The sister of Book Listener's boyfriend always dumps her three children on her mother, and each day they destroy the house, so any amount of cleaning is instantly nullified. ...And so, they don't clean at all!!
` And the kids are really messed up, too - though it's because their dad beats them and encourages them to fight and smash and kill things. In fact, when Book Listener was there, there was a momma cat with one kitten. What happened to all the other kittens? The kids strangled and beat them all to death because they don't know how to play with fragile baby animals!
` The last kitten is probably dead now, too.

` So... I may be messed up and our apartment is sometimes kinda gross (though the dishes, I am not responsible for!!), but I spent a lot of time wiping fingerprints off the walls and doors and doorframes and the fridge and cabinets and windows, I scrubbed off the pink stuff that had been growing in the bathtub and sink, I vacuumed up all the potting soil and I even cleaned a lot of burned crap off the stovetop.
` Hooray!! I'm not lazy!!! (And neither is Lou - he does about as much housework as I do!)
` Unfortunately, there's a lot of new fingerprints now... those things are really pesky! And even though the floors are already somehow dirty two days after I vacuum or mop, I don't feel apathetic about it - I just do it again.
` Eventually I'll get it all, I keep telling myself... perhaps I should make Lou take off his shoes, as bad an idea as it usually is after a day of him busting his ass and getting gross.

` Now, the way I live and the way that seriously messed up people live are two different things, and in fact, they make me feel good about myself because they remind me how much I don't suck!
` I actually need that from time to time because my psychotic dad kept telling me how horrible I was and that I'd end up being a seriously messed-up person. I believed him because I thought I was too crazy to understand why.
` Well! All I can say now is that I'm glad I have certain abilities, like the ability to care about things. Despite my dad's intense efforts, I'm starting to get good at that - seven years after I got away from him.

` So, basically this post was written just so that I could compare myself to messed-up people. Yeah... that deserves a pat on the back. Well, off to... care about something!