Saturday, August 18, 2007

The things I will do for money...

` After finals on Thursday morning I burst from the classroom door into the bright sunlight and said; "Damn, am I hungry all of a sudden!" So I went home and had some fake chicken.
` But that's not the end of the story! I'm also planning to be a famous movie star; therefore, what better way is there to spend the few weeks between Summer and Fall quarters than acting?
` Here's what I have lined up for me so far:

* A character in a space comedy called Quadrant 42, though no one will tell me which one. My guess is that it most likely entails carrying a gun, wearing high heels and not speaking.
` This film is from the creators of Crack Babies in Space. (With a name like that, who could possibly doubt its quality?) I suggest checking out the Quadrant 42 website. I also found the comedic preliminary trailer on Flixya, and I think it looks promising!
` A relevant note here is that the original lead actress (for Princess Alfeelya) had to stop filming, and the object of my audition was to attempt to replace her. Mighty ambitious of me, I know. But apparently they still like me.
` For what? I don't know. Maybe my body?

* Certainly the director of a film called Art vs. Porn chose me for that reason. In this film, I will play a naked, rotten corpse who is dug out of her grave and humped by the contender 'Porn' in this surreal boxing match of wits and powers of abstraction!
` Well there's one thing I gotta say - it better be art!

* I have also agreed to go along with something even less respectable, though I am now thinking better of it. They sent me an email the other day:

We would like to see you in person and are Scheduling Audition on Tuesday August 21st.

We will be making our decision on the spot. If you are selected on that day you will be given the Spray-on tan product, the product is called MistFX, and you will receive a professional teeth whitening kit. (a total value of around $140 retail)

Then on the same day your ["before"] shots will be taken so you will need to be prepared to shoot. We will be sending more information at the end of the week with guide lines and on what to bring for your picture.

` Yes, you read that correctly: 'Spray-on tan product'. This is an infomercial where I would have to give a cheesy testimonial. I honestly don't think I could respect myself if I did that.

` In other news, now that I have no school in the way, I will be increasing my 'postaging' output on all my blogs.
` Stay tuned for the Incredible Shrinking Kitten (I mean, Alien) - though thankfully she is growing once again and won't be the Incredible Dead Kitten.


Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Break a leg!

Hey, if you do do that infomercial for that 'spray-on tan product,' don’t use the damned stuff. A former girl friend of mine, whose skin is already fairly tanned because she’s of Chinese-Native American heritage, once used it and the results were horrible.

J Morgetron said...

I think you should use the spray tan product on your aliens.

Galtron said...

Don't use the tanning stuff, Spoony! It will make your skin turn to beef jerky and you'll look like a corpse!

......Then again, the Art vs Porn guy might appreciate that!

barman said...

Hey maybe you could do the spray on tan with a swimsuit or some other semi reveling clothes on. Then you can reveal the tan lines. I predict they will not be amused but ...

Is it to early to ask for your autograph? Than I can say I knew her before she made it big in films.

S E E Quine said...

` As you may know, I have decided to not do the spray-on infomercial because as I've said, I have too much respect for myself. *snicker!*

` I'm also about to post yet another film experience, and to the utmost irony it involves photographic evidence of one girl rubbing fake tanning stuff on a naked girl in my hotel room.
` Believe it or not, the whole story involves strippers, a guy wearing nothing but black silicon tape, plus a burglar who was the last straw in screwing everything up for us.
` For real!

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