Monday, January 08, 2007

Last Year's Resolution: 2.0 Megapixels - a December photo post

` Clearly, my Fab Cam (Mega Shichi-chobo-ichi) has more than surpassed the Crappy Digital Camera in performance. But that does not mean that I don't have a surplus of photos.
` In fact, I actually took many between Superheromodeling and Cephalopodmas, notably my scenic excursion to Seattle.

` Conveniently, it all takes place during the removal of the meth-heads. As you can see, here's their stuff stacked outside their door... rather meticulously. Because they're meth-heads.

` Shortly after that, I went out on my first round of Mini-Wicked Witch exterminations....

` Unspeakable, no? Don't worry, I shall never speak of this again!

` Then, after I was safely back at my apartment house, I got to know our new downstairs neighbors a little better.
` One, unfortunately, appears to be a meth-head. Damn. And here I thought we were getting rid of them for good! I should have known... Someone who has a remote control this big....

` Wait, what does that have to do with anything? [Insert your own logic here.]

` In fact, due to a crack party going on here after Lou's photoshoot, we could not park in our parking lot, so we pulled up to the business next door and asked a security guard guy if we could park there. He said 'sure' because we woudn't get towed during the weekend.
` He also said that he was 'sort of' with the police, consultant to our landlord, and was keeping an eye on the last meth-heads.
Apparently, there used to be a meth-lab in the basement for several years, and in fact the whole place had been swarming with junkies. (Also, the security guy turned out to be full of it.)
` Well, now the place is full of pot smokers (just like most apartments, it would seem), though at least that's not a problem. ...Unless you're TallGuy: I forgot to mention that just before TallGuy and I were to venture into the graveyard, I wanted to tell Lou where we were going. From the outside of the house I could see him in the window jamming with the guy who has the big remote control.
` ...However, TallGuy didn't want to even enter the building because of the marijuana smell inside the door! He told me that he was about to take a drug test the next morning for a new job and didn't want to fail it. Like... usually you have to be on drugs before you start thinking up stuff like that....
` Even so, he will literally run out the door at the slightest danger that he might accidentally inhale a little bit of marijuana smoke. This is unsurprising, however, because the poor guy has this whole avoidance behavior about so many things that Lou and B-Dizzle can't help but crouch down and wiggle their fingers at him threateningly. In fact, he even had a dream the other night where, among other things, Lou and B-Dizzle were chasing him!

` A-ny-way... as for the last of the original slew of meth-heads being expelled, this Crappy Digital photo was taken the big day of the meth-head expulsion - that's B-rizzle (a.k.a. B-dizzle, B-Unitt, B-rad or just plain Brad) helping to dump their stuff on the front lawn.

` According to him, what happened was that instead of spending their saved money on moving out, the meth-heads just bought a big blue rock and smoked it!
` Oh yeah, they were good n' geeked before the po-po came at noon:

` Just before this, however, the guy had made his getaway - nobody knows what his real name is - leaving behind two duffel bags full of drugs and guns (not to mention really explicit sex photos of the girl, who is nasty-looking). The girl, brainless as she is from tweeking, refused to go, even when B-Dizzle went down there and tried to convince her to get moving.
` When the cops showed up, she was busted, and then they opened up the duffel bags in the lobby in front of everybody. Ha ha!
` So, here's B-rizzle's brother, Steve (who recently has frightened TallGuy), also helping with moving the stuff out....

` I was going out on a walk at this time. As I was coming back, I noticed this licence plate - what are the odds?

` Okay, maybe that's not so special. Oh well, I almost tried. By the time I got back, there was yet another pile of stuff on the ground!

` And then, when I went out to Denny's later, there was yet another pile! Jeez!

` How could they fit that much junk in their apartment? Again, the methamphetamine-induced meticulous stacking makes it all too clear!

` Well, once at Denny's, Cheshire, X-Dan and I found that TallGuy was at work, but he was coming to see us. But before that, somehow he got inside the phone! Nooo! We tried for a really long time to get him out!

` After a successful phone extraction, he was too charged to sit near us and instead found an empty booth where he remained preoccupied with Nice Jerk.

` Ooh! I remember now!! I meant to write it long ago, in this post... (he's even in the picture just below the one where Bobert is spinning me around on his shoulders). Nice Jerk - someone who used to 'creatively launder' money - was saying that 'all girls were crazy' and it didn't have anything to do with the time of the month - we were just nuts!
` Because I was a girl, apparently, I got up and started swinging at him. Unfortunately, he knew how to hold me far enough away so I couldn't reach him and continued on with his spiel about girls being crazy as if nothing was going on! By the end of that, I was sitting back down at my booth, hissing and spitting and proving his point.

` There was also this really cute gay guy. I shall call him Jacket Guy because he has a couple of really awesome jackets.

` ...And then Nympho came over with some Dead Baby Sandwiches and we made out.

` Later on, Cheshire, X-Dan and I went on a fun walk where we discovered seasonal bathrooms!

` "Because not everybody has to use the bathroom all year 'round. Like bears, for example...."

` Then, we found a labyrinth nearby. Not nearly as fun as the one in the movie, however... it didn't even have walls!

` But we pretended it was teh r0x0rz anyway, and my eyes glowed white once again....

` Then, I found a bicycle wheel and rolled it at X-Dan. To my amazement, his hidden force field reacted to his eekafiedness and zapped the sucker!

` Whatever you do, don't piss of X-Dan's force field! And here, near the signs that tell you how far you are from cool places ('cause Ever-wet sux0rz), we see that Cheshire is standing in for a seesaw.

` And so, as a piece of playground equipment, she then had the authority to rape the elephants.

` "Who's yer mommy?" After we struggled with her hot and botheredness, we stuck her on a slightly damp plastic slide where she became stuck and pretended that she was having much more fun than when she was violating the poor elephants....

` I forget why I took this next picture - I think it was either to illustrate X-Dan starting us off on a sing-a-thon or perhaps because he was possessed at the time.

` Either way, the raging X-Dan chased us across the street to another playground where I became somehow, I stuck in a time warp between Thursday and Friday!

` After we had all decided to be evil fiends together, we wound up conquering the playground equipment....

` While we were up there, X-Dan totally managed to turn me on!

` I'm not sure what happened after that, though I can tell from this photo that the next morning it was raining and the tarp-covered piles of stuff had yet more added onto them....

` Luckily, some people came along and began the long process of relieving us of the eyesore.... (That's Big Remote Control guy waving to me, incidentally.)

` That's the thing with meth-heads. They collect far more than they sell. We just got ahold of a bunch of stolen computer discs... including Windows 95! Uh, forgot to sell that before it went obsolete, did ya?
` Later, as I was going to Zippy's, the cops were back. Apparently, some of the tweekers were still hanging around.

` Then, at Zippy's, I won because I was - once again! - the only person to write a poem, so I gave my winnings to Cheshire. She was this happy:

` Grah!!! And what was that poem? Well, the topic was Hello and Goodbye. Finally, I was able to write a poem that didn't involve sex for the first time in... perhaps ever!

Goodbye, I want to see you go,
And meet another, say hello,
Even though I know you don't understand,
Why your life didn't go as you planned.
I'm going, I'm going, I'm gone.
So you'll just have to move on,
I'm breaking free and going to
Another place to be just who
I ought to be.
So long.

` I thought it was halfway decent, anyway. For something scribbled in about five minutes on the back of a Zippy's event schedule.
` As I was going home, I noticed that, in addition to the usual white tree lights (which are actually year-round decorations), the infestation had spread to the top of the Colby-Hewett archway!

` It was downright overgrown!

` After having bad dreams about it all night, the next day I found that most of the meth-heads' stuff was gone....

` After the sun had gone down and the rain began to pour as if a million icefish were being slaughtered above, this one tweeker girl who didn't live here showed up and was pacing around the yard, screaming and singing "you bastards, I'm gonna kill you!"

` Say it five times fast with me: "The freaky tweeker with a weak physique geeked and shrieked while a streaked sky of bleak took a leak!" Okay, that's just retarded....

` Also, during my walk that day I saw Santa in a mortgage place. Apparently he has a vacation house here or something.

` So, then what? I went to Cheshire's house to pick her up. While I was there, Dante was looking too cute. And not being annoying. Amazing!

` Then Fang, the Cat That Brings Animate Objects into the House (unlike Tippy, Provider of Inanimate Objects), was also being adorable enough to deserve a photo.

` Then, we went to Nymphomaniac's house, which was full of people besides herself - Jesus, Dead Fetus Guy (now minus the larger fetus!), Adorable Gay Hottie and Jacket Guy.
` While we were waiting, I got a good look at some beautiful crayon-drawn 'KrisMass' cards that were made by the ever-disturbed Xenophon.

` Yes, that second one is probably what you think it is. Here's another look:

` The first one says something like 'Here is your present - a lightning bolt staircase!' The second one, in case you can't read it says 'Today it falls from the sky. Enjoy the fall of rotten fetal-baby rain.'
` Have a 'Menstral KrisMass!'

` I don't know about you, but I think that rotten dead fetuses bring out the true meaning of KrisMass (whatever that is), don't you think?

` Would you know, I wound up driving many of these hooligans to Seattle. On the way there, the view in the misty light of our black sun was just spectacular!

` Then, we picked up Nova (who doesn't have a clever nickname) and her boyfriend, who then found us a four-dollar parking garage. Sweet!
` And we were off... to Westlake Mall, where I saw these buildings! (I pressed the shutter about five times while birds were flying by, but it only took the picture once the birds were gone. That's the fifth time that happened to me! Hope it doesn't happen with the FabCam!)

` Anyway, we all met on the third floor, where Nova's boyfriend attempted to run off with her....

` I was amazed to see that the mall also served as a monorail stop! Wow! I've never even seen it in its working state before!

` Then, we all trickled downstairs and I got a picture of Nympho on the escalator. For a closer look at this hot trickling action, if you clicky you will find the photo is much larger than it would first appear....

` ...Though it still doesn't compare to the FabCam.
` Anyhoo, while we were downstairs in a store I was shocked to find that my water had broken! Noo!

` Sadly, in order to keep that photo (as my camera holds an unpredictable number of pictures), I deleted a picture of the carousel, which is off to the right of this picture:

` Well, you can trust me. It was there. And so, after much confusion, a bracelet whose beads all escaped in the middle of high human traffic, and barely being able to keep our group together, we said goodbye the WestLake mall....

` ...And hello to Pike's Place Public Market!

` Black hole sun, wont'cha come... sorry. Habit. So, we walked along and found some food along the sidewalk. It was good.

` Mmm. Sidewalk food is good indoors or out! I hope this shot looks candid enough.

` Ever see the famous 'fish toss' in a movie, such as Sleepless in Seattle? Neither have I. But indeed, here's the place!

` I did not, however, get a picture of the throwing of a fake fish into the crowd! Now that was entertaining!
` I don't remember much else other than checking out a bunch of shops and discovering that the bathrooms only have half-doors so everyone can see you! Why do they do that?
` There was also a wind-up store. Okay, the store itself didn't wind up, though it had everything from Cold War unicorns, action figures of people like Edgar Allen Poe and a table brimming with wind-up toys of such pointless things as ears and teriyaki. I was kinda scared.
` Oh yes, and we also got to ride on the Pike's Place Giant Piggy Bank. I just can't help wanting to shout "Ride 'em, cowboy!" ...Bad Spoony, bad!

` Eventually, Cheshire and I decided that our time was up for such aimless wandering and we coaxed Nova and her boyfriend (who also had to leave early) into my car, leaving Nympho to wallow in chaos. Then, we laughed like this: "Mua ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa!"

` I hope that was thoroughly long enough for you all to make up my post laziness. As for today's news, now that I have a lot of money I went out and got a belated Cephalopodmas present for B-Dizzle.
` Any way you slice it, I'd really better get going because in the past few weeks, the power has been having a habit of going out just long enough for my computer to shut off. It's really %$#@ing annoying and jarring when I'm in the middle of stuff.
` That's what you get when your wiring is hooked up to a computer, a heater, the neighbor's computer, the neighbor's microwave and who knows what else!! Plus, it's been magically turning itself off and on in quick succession every time I use a virus scanner.
` I wonder if it's my motherboard... I don't know!!


Mr. Riley said...

Holy crap! Were they in my old apartment, number 2?

It doesn't surprise me that the place is infested with methheads, although I don't remember it being so bad when I was there. I never got to see any cracked out naked girls, except Andie. (haha joking)

Ah, nostalgia.

Galtron said...

Is that how you get rid of wicked witches? Just throw computer monitors on them? I've been wondering...

My, that's a lot of junk! You must be relieved to have those people out of your building!

Remind me, also, to never make your friend Cheshire happy nor get her anywhere around elephants.

Oh, and I reccommend that your card making friend gets his own Hallmark line! Never can have to many holiday greetings full of sloughed uterine tissue.

That reminds me, sorry your water had to break so soon!!

Nice view of Seattle, also!

Okay I'm done.

locomocos said...

awww....i want to go back to seattle!

geez those meth heads sure had TONS of stuff! Including an almost new 2 liter of pepsi-cola!

ha! didn't see much stuff other than that worth while!

S E E Quine said...

` Riley: I'm not sure who was in 2. A nice 'Bama boy lives there now.
` Did Andie used to live here or something? I know Ananda did....

` Galtron, that's a great idea: Hallmark 'Just For Freaks' cards!

` Yeah, meth heads sure don't make much money because they have a lot of worthless stuff.
` ...Either that or they sell, say, my X-Box with two games for only $20 when they coulda sold it for at least three times as much! That's a perfect demonstration of the way meth makes all your common sense go bye bye.

Dan said...

According to him, what happened was that instead of spending their saved money on moving out, the meth-heads just bought a big blue rock and smoked it!

Of course they did! They're METH-HEADS! What did anyone else expect them to do with the money? :)

Sounds like your 2007 is off to an exciting start.

Hey! How about some photos of you?

S E E Quine said...

` Yes, as I said, common sense goes bye-bye!
` And pictures of me? I think I can do that.... Just gimme a little while.

Galtron said...

Can you be naked in them?

riley said...

Andie lived in number two with me for a while, back when we were together. I was joking about the crackhead part, not the naked part.

When did Ananda live there?

ps someday i'll tell you how much i hate this word verification thing your blog has. FUCK! I don't have 45 minutes to waste wrestling with some fucked up java applet just to post a comment, srsly.

S E E Quine said...

` Wow, Galtron! How did you guess? I am indeed naked in one of them!

` OMG, Riley! The word verification is still there? I had assumed that it disappeared when I changed Blogger templates! Apparently it just does not appear on my computer anymore!
` Weird.

` I'm not sure, though as I recall she said that when she moved they had to give their kitty cats away to someone else who lived here.
` Small world.

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