` I haven't been writing about science, wackmobiles or spurious brainchildren lately! How could I?!
` Well, there is a sound explanation: I've been busy hanging out with groovy people and spending the night in groovy places - I just got back from Eastern Washington last night! It's very... Montana-y there.
` Surely you at least deserve to taste a little of what's been going on! Well, there's lots in this post, including plenty of Crappy Digital Photos!
` Where shall I start? Let's see... I forgot to mention last time that Lou Ryan's fingernail, which had been bright blue and green, and then black, from an encounter with a horrible robot (which suffered greatly), is growing back while the black section is detaching itself slowly.
` Whee! His fingernail root lives!
` As for events pertaining to me.... on 28 June (Wednesday), I went on a long walk with Book Listener while having interesting conversations and listening to whales and sea monsters under a bridge. Afterwards, I found that I would give her a back massage for a Klondike Bar. (Not really... I would have done it anyway.)
` Later, I met the crazy G.L.O.B.E. types at Denny's and recorded many of our antics on a piece of receipt paper. They are as follows:
` There were lots of Fruits and Nuts there, including Nympho, Wendizzle, PseudoDyke, Mohawk and Stockings [she was dressed like a Japanese schoolgirl with one white stocking and one black stocking].
` Her stuffed animal, Emo Panda - who has no nose or mouth - was threatening to take over the world while I sat squished up next to Jesus' vibrating thigh and Dandruff's non-vibrating thigh. Apparently, those two are the Fraternal Strangers whom I should write Chronicles for.
` Here's something I'm sure you will be amused by: Xenophon's pastor told his mom that he would either lead thousands of people to heaven or drag an army to hell. When she told him this in the car, he became so excited that she yelled at him and made him get out.
` Also, we had a discussion about how Cookie Monster should eat less cookies and more cities [instead of fruits and vegetables].
` Apparently, Dandruff and I are disgraces to the U.S. Military, according to PseudoDyke. She isn't a lesbian, but she has short hair, works at a hardware store and wants to join the military and go to Iraq.
` Wow. Iraq.
` Stockings put her pink bunny ears on Dead Fetus Guy and he wore them the entire time. They went smashingly with his striped legs! He was quoted as saying: "Shave my ass and call me breakfast!"
` Monkey Kitty Guy had made some wonderful bread at Pavé, and he shared its olivey goodness with us.
` Wendizzle - who has Audrey Hepburn on her boobs - is Treadwellin' out! [I forget what that even referred to... was that the guy who would do absolutely stupid things with wild bears?]
` At one point, I was making out with Nympho (yes, in public!) and called her my cute little minion.
` She said; "I thought you were my minion!"
` I was like; "Excuse me?"
` Tee hee.
` And apparently, Wendizzle's hair once flattened the edges on a boat alternator. Seriously.
` And now there are two heaps of women! I'm at the edge of one!
` Mua ha ha! Stockings and I stole Monkey's tenchology [a cocktail sword] and are using it against him!
` I just learned that a new way to say "I love you" is "I less than three you." Or: I ... 3 you.
` Oh no!!! That 'less than' symbol keeps turning the entire next section of this post into NOTHINGNESS! I've had to exise it from the post. Darn HTML code....
` Time to write it over again!
` Well, two of the strange people there had an entire conversation in Chipmunk language. I couldn't believe how fluent they were!
` Then Stockings was drawing chibi versions of everyone... not as kowai as Shiro's kawaii, and Top Hat Girl was eating all her mistakes. Apparently, she's a papyravore.
` The next day, which was Thursday, 29 June, I met some of the Fruits and Nuts at Zippy's, including Reverend , as he mentioned in one of my post's comments here.
` Indeed, Bongwater did come... and he let us know that we're all Popes! Some of us lucky ones even have an official card from the Church of Jesus H Christ on a Bicycle and everything!
` Following the festivities, a few people including Jesus, Nympho, Dandruff, Adorable Gay Hottie, Bongwater and I went with Nova to her apartment - and I thought she'd moved out already! (Sure wish I'd brought the CDC that time - the sun is much higher this month and the sunset over the ocean and islands was a brilliant fuscia!)
` In addition to her cat, she also has a pet man!
` After much strangeness and raunchiness, the six of us were kicked out of Nova's and so we had more of the same at Denny's. (I think someone else was also with us, but I forget who.) I have no real recollection of it, unfortunately, as I was both overly tired and high on cappucino. I did, however, purchase some 'ness for Dandruff.
` After enough lateness had occurred, we dropped Adorable off at his apartment. Then, we went to this graveyard and walked around extensively. We found Rucker's giant pyramid-tomb.
` It was missing a tree.
` Nympho went up and knocked on the door, but there was no answer. (Darn!) I attempted to climb it, but it was very frightening. We wandered on until we came to a large, featureless black monolith, like the one in 2001, except perfectly cubical, and then another tomb with a very nice door... it almost looked like a house - except it had a boarded-up window.
` Either Jesus or Bongwater thought that it would be so awesome to put a Welcome mat there, just to screw with people's heads. We all agreed that was brilliant.
` Eventually, with the light of our cell phones alone, we found our back to the cars and took off for Dandruff's house. There, we went into 'the shed', where I played the piano and Nympho and Bongwater made out on the massage table while Dandruff was amused and Jesus slept on the couch.
` Jesus continued sleeping while we went out on some crazy walk to listen to all the roosters and watch the sun rise. Bongwater was singing this 'It's Morning Town' song, and saying things like; 'Here's a guy getting into his car, eager to escape the damn robins and crowing roosters from this wretched state of constant sunrise.' Or something like that.
` Then, we had cereal in the driveway (before waking Jesus up) and I went home to tell Lou all about what I'd done... and was planning to do. Sometime after Lou had gone to work, Nympho and Bongwater arrived... and joined me as I drifted off to sleep.
` Except they stayed awake. Amazingly, I did not, considering.
` Eventually, I woke up and got around to examining Bongwater. He has quite hard and muscular legs from walking everywhere. I could kiss them. And so I did.
` I tell you, that Reverand boy is so sweet! And talented - he's written how many plays now? And then acted in them! Later on in the day, after we were rousing into the Real World, he showed us his skills with one of Lou Ryan's guitars!
` Here he is, with a strange, Weird-Al-like facial expression, doing just that.
` Eventually, though, they left and I stayed to doze off until Lou Ryan came home and attacked me with his usual energy. It's so cute. I could kiss him. And so I did.
` I forget what the hell went on the rest of Friday. I must have been recovering.
` On Saturday, 1 July, after my fruitless (but not ice cream-less) walk to the bank for mailing the rent money, Lou and I took off for Eastern Washington. To accomplish this, we had to drive through the mountains. While we were doing so, we observed some rapids, such as these:
` And this is the view just before you get to Leavenworth (Swedish Hell):
` After we passed the snowy peaks, the foothills on the other side were desert land. We saw a dam, as well as four boats tied up together, each with their own cute umbrella.
` After three hours of driving, we came upon a huge, blue lake... Chelan! Then, we drove around one side of it and came up to The Oasis, a nice double-wide trailer which we stayed at with some of Lou's friends.
` None of them were superheroes, though.
` However, the view is super - wouldn't you agree?
` (The locust tree, however, had once been rescued by Lou, because apparently the others weren't super enough.)
` It wasn't long before we went to a beach... unfortunately, it was a very tiny and ugly beach of dead grass that was literally crappy. I think it must have been the Doggie Beach.
` Well, that didn't stop me from slowly submerging myself adjacent to the little concrete wall and floundering around aimlessly.
` Well, I mainly amounted to being a sea monster, and so I tried to stick to being hot with the new bikini that Lou has so thoughtfully bought me. Unfortunately, lying on a concrete wall without the aid of my Borrowed Fluffy Yellow Towel turned out to be a bad idea... though not visually.
` Ha! Behold my very thin layer of belly flab!! (Must get in shape!!)
` Getting fed up with the irritating concrete wall, I decided to go back to my Sea Monster Ways.
` Ach! I hadn't diven in for evar, though apparently that's good form for diving from a sitting position. I guess that wall is good for something....
` Longing for some sand, I went over to the wall and asked it what it had to say for itself, existing and all that. It said;
` Well, fine! So I went off to talk to Mr. Duckie. He was such a good listener.
` Mr Duckie also seemed hindered by the cement thing, as it was difficult for him to jump over it sometimes. That was why he kept swimming along it with no progress.
` In not too long, we went home and had hot dogs of various types... including vegetarian bratwurst. Them's good.
` Despite the fact that I was the only person who was not intoxicated, I could not for the life of me shut off the water when I was done showering... the faucet came loose! Also, a little while later, I tried opening the bedroom door and it did not go over well.
` You see, it appeared to be ajar about two inches, so I pushed it about a foot before I realized that it was stuck on something. But what? I peeked my head around and saw nothing. Then, I managed to squeeze out... and the whole door fell on me!
` Apparently, it opens the other way.
` Somehow, nobody else did anything that dramatic, despite the fact that they were all wasted out of their minds. Despite the fact that Lou had managed to drink fourteen beers, plus some muscle relaxers (which he took due to soreness) and even some Damn Strong Prize Greenery on top of that, he still won our Bocce ball tiebreaker!
` I blame the fact that the lawn is very lumpy and makes the ball trajectories curve in unintended ways, and when your judgement isn't being curved in unintended ways... Oh, whatever!
` The next day, I took another picture of the view - this time from the porch:
` That morning, Lou and I walked down to a restaurant for breakfast, passing a rummage sale in the process. On our way back, we purchased a nice file card box for two dollars, and a really nice pair of roller blades for two dollars per blade! Including the fact that one wheel is nonexistent, this is a really nice deal!
` Then, five of us headed down to an entirely different stretch of beach. In a car. By some miracle, we managed to find a parking spot! I regretted not taking any sort of camera device with me - that beach was nice! In fact, it was kind of like this one, which is also at Lake Chelan:
` ...The one we went to also had a stone wall around much of it, though there was still a sandy beach below it. Above it were big, grassy hills (big enough to have playground equipment on!) and many trees, including a very stubborn apricot tree that refused to give me its ripe fruit.
` Darn apricot trees!
` There were also a lot of people, but amazingly, we'd found a picnic table near the irritating apricot tree, which was shaded by some nice evergreens. While I looked around, I observed what looked a lot like a gray starling with dark circles around its eyes that bobbed its head a lot. I think it may have been a gray catbird that had stayed up all night.
` At one point, some European house finches swooped over it and drove it over to another section of lawn while perching in the trees and keeping an eye on it.
` What else? Well, besides trying to finish an overdue library book on the hammock, I did very little. Eventually, Lou came and stole my hammock and Borrowed Fluffy Yellow Towel, so I photographed his White Flabbiness at a Bad Angle.
` You wouldn't know it, but he has a great deal of muscle mass that is decidedly red and white striped.
` After half the people had left and the rest of us were watching a female robin dig for worms, a male California Quail appeared on the fence - a decent picture would look rather like this:
` About a minute later, a female cautiously walked out from around the corner of the trailer, surrounded by her skittering little brood. I videotaped them as they retreated. Eventually, I went around to the side of the house and saw them. Then, I went through the house and out the back door to watch them go up the hill. Again, I moved to the side porch to get a better view as they disappeared into the grass.
` As the moon got shinier, Lou and I hopped into the car and chased the sunset to Everett. Here's a picture of the scenery when we started out.
` Strangely, we also saw a hill covered with paintings of Route numbers and such. It was odd. I wondered what the hell that was all about. In fact, I still do.
` Later on, as we were going back through Swedish Hell, we saw that the mountain goat had climbed up the enbankment to gain attention from a man and a little girl on the sidewalk who had stopped to look at it (while everyone else ignored it).
` As for today, it was quite... um... interesting and educational, and ach! Who keeps setting off fireworks? Also, I finally have gotten my passport! Now I can go run off to another country! Wheee! ...But which one?
` Maybe Australia!
Monday, July 03, 2006
` I haven't been writing about science, wackmobiles or spurious brainchildren lately! How could I?!