More psycho tales from The Journal of Spoony

Now that I have my own computer, I'm going to continue documenting the insanity going down around me.
` Speaking of which, Brad Gangsta's girlfriend Char is now pregnant and off her psycho meds, and last Tuesday she tried to beat him up and then called the cops, hysterically claiming that it was the other way around!

Yes, life is still just that interesting, despite my attempted escape here in wealthy suburb-land!

Luckily, they hauled her off to jail and not Brad. While she was incarcerated, Brad agreed that she's no longer welcome here... until Thursday night, apparently, when she came back here and claimed she didn't even remember doing the things that got her into jail! OH MY GOD! And now she's being a psycho bitch and driving everyone nuts!

At at 6:30 this morning I was woken up by Brad loudly suggesting that Lucas and me leave and that I was psycho, too! This display was apparently so that Char would hear it and think that he was arguing to let her stay. Then he went back and told Char that she'd have to get out today anyway. I hope!

Anyway, before I start feeding my journal archives onto this blog, I'd like to make it clear that my journal entries tend to illustrate things I can't take pictures of - mainly sources of conflict. My pictures are mostly of happy, cheery, shiny, interesting, or funny things, so they balance out the conflict quite nicely. They just ain't here. They'll be on my website, which got screwed up somehow, but not here.

Let's go back to September!


Sep 6, 2009:

Before leaving for the airport, Brad told a tale of insanity and woe from riding the bus. This bum gets on the bus, wiener hanging out of his pants, carrying a rolled-up coat. The other passengers then discovered he had a dead cat, decaying, eyeball hanging out of its head.
` The bum said he tried to do CPR on the rotting cat and then two guys beat him up, so he was taking it to the police station.

The airport was as tame as the bronze fish everywhere. We had a Q-Doba burrito. On the plane, I watched little towns go by here and there. At the Houston airport, I watched the sun rise over the airplanes while waiting for takeoff. (Got a photo!)
` That plane was small -- two seats on one side and one on the other. We were in the 14th row and near the back! It was only 2 hours to get to Jacksonville at 10:39. Mom was so happy to see us!

(There's lots of photos, which will be on my website. All these vacation photos and more are in my September 2009 Flickr set!)


Sep 8, 2009:

The Y is good here in Waycross, though the drinking fountain water tastes like sulfur! I had to buy distilled water it was so bad. Which reminds me, last night before watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (director's cut, just like the one we used to have!), I took a shower with the well water here! Upon entering the bedroom, Lucas asked if I had taken a huge dump because the water smelled so bad!

This morning, Hairy Willy has been less bitey -- until I started taking pictures of the water lilies on Mom's pond. Right now, Lucas is eating waffles with bacon and eggs, and there's real maple syrup! It's crappy maple, but it's real, so it's still better than pancake syrup!

Now we're getting ready to go and Willy is getting a premature lunch.

(Here's where a bunch of photos come to fill in the gap!)

What did we do? We saw wild dolphins, ate shrimp being unloaded 100 feet away at the pier, the awesome driftwood beach, the boat Mom and Tom used to live in, and had dinner at Fox's Pizza Den. I called Ananda on my way back home, thinking it was time for their weekly meeting, but they had switched days. Also, I was three hours premature anyway because I forgot how time zones work.


Sep 9, 2009:

Went to Okefenokee Swamp and took lots of photos and video. Never before have I been at a wetland and seen more alligators than I saw herons! In the little motor boat, we got like 2 feet from Crazy the enormous alligator! Also, I got snakes and an alligator draped on me! I'm all covered in reptile!

Sep 10, 2009:

Let's get some shoes! (As I later put the YouTube video in a blog post.) I originally went to a shoe store in order to get some sandals for my burning hot feet, but they didn't have any! What the hell?
` Just as I was about to leave, the weight-distribution thingy caught my attention. It showed that I leaned to the left, until I brought to everyone's attention that the floor was noticeably tilted to one side underneath it! (I actually tend to lean to the right!)
` In fact, the entire floor in this place was visibly uneven, so I had a hell of a time trying on orthotics. I tied and untied those suckers until I developed blisters, but finally found a solution!

In addition, Lucas and I took turns shooting a gutter on my mom's dock with Tom's gun, and later on, Lucas caught me a bunch of bluegill. Instead of killing them, Tom insisted on just butchering them alive, and I was a bit horrified at the way their disembodied heads flopped around on the grass.
` He's a strange one, that Tom. After a nice meal of bluegill, Tom was going on and on about how Obama's health care plan has death panels who decides if your grandma lives or dies, and said that we should be ashamed for being in favor of it. Lucas, on the other hand, tried to get him to see that a) that's completely made up, and b) if he has one more medical problem, we could be moving in with Mom and Tom because we don't have enough money for both rent and medical bills.
` Tom, on the other hand, said that Fox News never lies ("Don't you know what 'fair and balanced' means?") when actually the fact that it's packed with lies had been demonstrated to death, and he really didn't seem to care about Lucas' struggles with lack of medical insurance, either. It kinda scares me.
` Mom said that he thinks it's okay to make fun of people who want fuel-efficient cars, but that it's not okay to make fun of people who want gas-guzzling cars, because people have the right to buy what they want. Can that even make sense?


Leaving Georgia:

Got transferred to a new flight, so Lucas called Brad to tell him to tell Nat we'd be an hour early at the airport, which he did while Lucas was still on the phone with him. While we were in the air, we were somewhere over BatPig Studios while I was listening to Skepticality, which is recorded there!
` Flew about two hours from Jacksonville to Atlanta, where we were amused to see Obama giving his State of the Union Address, saying that the stuff Tom told Lucas about the 'death panel' is "a lie, plain and simple". I'll say! Then it was another three hours to Sea-Tac. Wish I coulda taken pictures from up there! I don't even remember what I saw!

We actually managed to fly in even earlier than we had told Brad, so as the plane was taxiing up to its spot, Lucas called Brad's phone to check on Nat, who he expected would already have started his hour-long trip to pick us up.
` Instead, Nat was still at home, ignoring Brad's urging to get going already. Brad apparently had been running around frantically for some time, but Nat took no notice.

Fifteen minutes later, Lucas called again and Brad said that Nat was still going to wait an hour before leaving to get us. WHAT? So he got Nat on the phone and explained that we were a little early and that we're at SeaTac and don't exactly want to wait two hours for him to arrive!

This was, incidentally, also the only time I went along with riding an airport escalator during this entire trip. On our way down to the baggage claim, Lucas pulled on the escalator railing and there was a loud buzzing sound, at which I freaked out. He did it again, and the escalator emitted another klaxon-like alarm sound, and I said, "Lucas, what are you doing?"
` He was like, "Nothing!" and proceeded to pull on the railing a third time, at which the escalator both buzzed and stopped moving! So I got to walk the rest of the way down anyway. Well, I guess automated trouble beats trouble with airport security.

By the time we'd gotten our bags... Nat still wasn't on his way! Lucas spelled out to him that we were waiting for him to pick us up, so if he started out right now, he'd get here in an hour! Finally, he did. Meanwhile, Lucas and I watched the other passengers from our flight all be picked up. So, he played the 'waiting at the airport blues' on his guitar.
` He called Nat once again, who proclaimed he'd be there in ten minutes because he just passed Lynnwood, and Lucas proclaimed back that he'd actually be 50 minutes because SeaTac is 50 minutes from Lynnwood. Nat even called back to say he was ten minutes away, when he still wasn't. Then when he had gotten to Boeing in Seattle, he called to say he was at the airport! Sorry bud, but at least you're much closer to ten minutes now!


Back in Washington:

Oh my god! It's 86F outside! While we had been gone, Brad got another fish -- male convict, and it turns out that the convict he did have, Maximus, was a female. Now Maximus (or is it Maxima?) has a boyfriend named Morpheus! (Not that fish know anything about names.)

We watched an entire movie in our gym's Cardio Theater. It was The Simpsons Movie, and we were disappointed because all it was was a slow, drawn-out episode of The Simpsons with added eye candy. Still, the extra-long workout helped me catch up with getting less exercise on this new gym's equipment.

We've had enough of Nat, so we kicked him out. On Lucas' desk, Nat left this really threatening picture with John Goodman pointing a gun and text that reads something like; "When you fuck a guy in the ass, you get shot in the back.' I took a picture of it. It's creepy.


Sep 30, 2009:

Defiled Halal Chickens! That's a photo to remember!


Oct 1, 2009:

So I got up early and got ready to go to the gym -- and boy do I ever need to go to the gym! -- when my car wasn't there! Then I remembered Lucas telling me he was dropping Johnny off at his mom's house, so I called to ask him when he'd be back, which was when he added the detail that Johnny was an hour drive away! That's not his mom's house!
` So, I put away all the clean dishes I had washed from last night's defiled chicken, and washed the huge pile left for me this morning. Then things started to go downhill.... You know, it's really the little things that really matter in making life intolerable.


Oct 2, 2009:

Things are looking up. My warts are getting smaller, as I've torn the dead skin off them. Our neighbor sarah came over to get her cat Mr. Yoboshi off the roof! Unfortunately, I was taking a hot shower when this happened because I was feeling cold. When I emerged, Brad and Lucas were having a chocolate syrup cook-off.

We have a new roommate, Steve.

He's apparently not psychotic like Nat. Hooray!


Oct 20, 2009:

So tired. I can't believe I do 'bicycle' motions on my back holding a huge ball between my legs while adolescent boys stare at my ass. I can't believe the crap I have to go through for kickboxing class, which is held in a cleared-out Rite-Aid. There's constantly construction and all kinds of other noisy stuff going on, and no privacy!

Critical Thinking class, on the other hand, is not a challenge. For the past few days I've been quarantined in my room because I'm so sick. Though I miss out on dinner because nobody comes back to tell me it's ready, I still wash everyone's dishes, then find something to eat for myself.
` Last night, I paused in the middle of dishes to take a photo from the top of the fridge. Steve was 'making me look'. The night before, I think, was band practice. I miss playing my electric piano. It's been a year.
` Luckily, Lucas made some insulation for beneath the piano and then stuffed the unused ventilation ducts with towels so that now when I'm playing (with headphones) there isn't any horrendous banging sounds echoing throughout the house, which is damned annoying to everyone.
` Problem is, after all this time, the headphones have been ruined so they no longer go over my ears! The only way I can use them is to put my hands over them and press them against my ears -- but I can't play piano like that, now, can I?

Sigh. How many more months until I get some headphones? I've been waiting SO LONG!

And Brad's been waiting even longer to have a car -- he just got a little Honda!


Oct 23, 2009:

I am so sick! Why am I still using the same handkerchief since two days ago? I was gonna throw them in with Johnny's whites, when Lucas said, "No, put them in our laundry basket. I'll do wash after Johnny." But he didn't. Instead he let Steve do wash first, and by that time it was too late to start.
` Next day, I was gone all day, and had to use the same hanky. So this morning, laundry time! Right after Violet finishes licking my face!


Nov 2, 2009:

Lucas has my disease and is now too nauseous to go to Leavenworth.


Nov 4, 2009:

Went to Leavenworth! Also, Brad traded in his Honda and Johnny also got a car, but its engine blew.


Nov 5, 2009:

Brad is taking on bill payment so Lucas can avoid Johnny yelling at him, which I don't understand. He says that everyone always gives Lucas $100 less than what they collectively owe him, and demands to know where Lucas is spending that missing hundred. Huh? If he's not being given enough money for rent, then how could he be spending it? He's not actually short a hundred bucks anyway, but if he were, he would have to cover that out of his own pocket!
` It just doesn't make sense.


Nov 13, 2009:

I'm still sick, so after waiting an hour in the dentist's office with a bunch of small children -- one of which was bleeding profusely from the mouth -- I was sent home and all the forms I filled out were shredded. What?
` At least I still have the Claritin.
` Also, the cable guy came over, installed the phone line, plus we got the electrified light fixtures taken care of so we won't be electrocuted when we try to change the bulb.
` Steve's been drunk a lot and lately has been coming home from work shaking due to lack of alcohol. Well, at least we know he's not drinking at work!
` Brad has just got his new car today, which only has a huge dent, and guess what else? Though we've all been sick with nausea, Charolotte has had to go to the ER a couple times because she couldn't stop throwing up. They didn't do a pregnancy test on her, but her doctor did, and found that indeed, she is 'with child'. So did Brad really have a vasectomy? What's going on?


Nov 25, 2009:

` Finally went back to the dentist this morning, as I'm not so noticeably ill -- it's literally been a month since I first came down with whatever flu I have! Good news is, my teeth are great, except for a cavity beneath a filling!
` Now that Brad has his license, Char wants to get a house with Brad, but since that's not yet feasible she seems to prefer the idea of kicking out Lucas, who's the founder of this company, which is what we have the house for. Lucas is on the lease whereas she is a guest who only contributes $100 towards rent.
` While she's been nice to me, she's been terrible to Lucas, and said she wanted to spend Thanksgiving in a restaurant with Brad. Why is she so pissed? part of it is her damn memory problem. She'll forget to turn off the stove and then come back to it and start screaming, "Who left the stove on?"
` The other day, Lucas went to vacuum the carpet, but the vacuum cleaner was completely gunked up with hair and stuff, so he and Johnny made a joint effort to get all that crap out of there, and then vacuumed both the upstairs and downstairs carpets, and cleaned some other stuff.
` Next day, Char was vacuuming as Lucas and I were returning home. As soon as I was out of sight, she started screaming at him for being lazy and never vacuuming or anything! She apparently just doesn't remember! It's nuts!

Philosophy in the Dark is awesome by the way!

Lucas and I picked up Lucas' mom, Charline at the airport last night after school, and now we're sitting at The Flying Pig with Boone and his very cool daughter, Jen. The waitress even took a picture for us!
` We originally seated ourselves at The Irishman, but they outed us because Jen is only 15.

In other news, Johnny's brother Joe, who once stole Johnny's cat Noell (from their mom's house), claimed that the cat was dangerous to their mother and said he has to go, saying, "You're either for Mom or against her." Whatever! He'll take the damn cat!

Right now, Charline is talking on her cell phone with Margarite, the little old lady taking care of her cats. Who is also mystefied by the fact that all the smoke alarms started going off instead of just the one by the kitchen, where apparently something had been burning.

Home again, home again, and Lucas had to fix the sliding glass door after it fell in!


Thanksgiving 2009:

In case you were wondering, Char and Brad were not present at dinner. Now it's time for me to serve dessert (cherry blob with ice cream and cranberry-raspberry syrup). Meanwhile, since Johnny and I also made an alphabetical list of cuss words (from asshole to zima-drinker), he read it aloud, to our amusement, and concluded, "And that's what the holidays are for!"

While Charlene does some kitchen-cleaning, chef Lucas is now sitting on the chair, elevating his burnt arm. Steve has long since weirded out Lucas by repeatedly telling him to stop blowing on his wrist and instead wrap it up with the wraps and silver whatsitcalled cream he'd had for his own burn ordeal.
` The phone rings. Steve says, "If that's my office, hold all my calls." Johnny answers; "Everett Morgue, people are dying to get in! ... Oh, I'm in the Budapest House in Iraq, on the top of the hill...."
` Lucas has retrieved a bag of frozen soybeans, which don't seem very cold, and attached it to his arm, which caused a big ruckus and Johnny wound up saying "I know! Let's burn things!" and set a sterile-pad wrapper on fire. I so wish my camera was right here.
` Hey wait a minute! My camera is right here! Pictures!

` Things are happening too fast to write. Charlene is talking about how she had failed the airport's metal detector this time, and was put in the 'cage'. Then, a sudden shift to the subject of Steve Licking Lucas' butt over the whole frozen soybean thing.
` Luckily, Violet was there to break it up, returning from a piece of turkey I'd fed her. She said, "Meow." here comes Vada, from outside -- time to give her some turkey!
` For the fiftieth time, I hear Steve, "Once a day, Lucas, change the wrappings once a day."
` Lucas retorted: "Hey, how many times a day I'm gonna wrap this up? Hmmm. Once a day!"
` "Sarah, wait for him to say 'Oh, that's nasty,' tomorrow. Seriously."
` "Why are you talking to Sarah and not me?"
` "She's your life partner."
` "Hey, Sarah, when you change my dressings, can you not be gay? That also goes for when I'm old and you're cleaning my butt."
` "I'll just make Steve do it."
` Vada likes the coffee table I moved out of my office -- the one they played on as kittens -- after Charlene bought me the shelf to replace it (and I put it together). She especially likes it when there's a bowl of pie on it. I got pictures of that, as well as 'Norm Squareby' and Johnny laughing like a jackass after throwing something at Lucas.


Black Friday:

I've been so computerless for such a long time! Four blogs and two starving websites! It's a tragedy! But now... we went to Office Depot and saw a sweet Toshiba laptop for under $500. Quickly we checked over at Best Buy, but the name was not accurate that day. Before leaving, I did run into one of the Laptop Mafia at school, who's had at least one heart surgery fiasco and whose hair is falling out because of chemo, and he looks like a very mature twelve-year-old with a combover. You know, if I could just remember his name, I'd call him that.
` Anyway, I alerted him to the better buy at Office Depot and went back. We had Lucas' mom with us, before taking her to the airport, and she bought me a wireless printer-scanner for $40! Sweet!

HOLY SHIT! Char almost set the house on fire! Right under my office where all my home videos and pictures and everything I've written, and my new laptop are! Jesus! She apparently forgot about a pillow she left against the wall, and it was right on top of the wall heater and it caught on fire! Luckily, it set off the fire alarm and when Lucas and Johnny came home, they were on top of that, ASAP!


Dec 1, 2009:

Today while I was at school, and Brad was alone with Char at the house, Char started a fight with him, scratched his face, struggled with him, started screaming out the door, and then called 9-1-1! She said; "My boyfriend just beat the shit out of me and he's trying to get the phone away from me!"
` Meanwhile, Brad was downstairs calling the cops on his own, telling them what was really going down. Several cop cars showed up and when Char saw them coming, she dropped down onto her hands and knees and started wailing and crawling along the road!
` Then when they were questioning her, she couldn't tell the same story more than once, and she was constantly dabbing at the trickle of blood coming out of her nose. There was not a bruise upon her, and there was no evidence that any of her accusations were true.
` Even so, Brad was in cuffs for a half an hour, during which Lucas did his best to convince the cops he didn't do it. That's when he went to get me at kickboxing class, and when he returned, Brad was still here and Char was in jail!

I drove Johnny to band practice through the fog! It was hard to see. He didn't have a ride because his car broke down again!


Dec 4, 2009:

Well, Johnny and Lucas got the Christmas tree up today... and Char is back in our house and being a psycho! Last night, when she got back from her mom's house, she didn't remember ever calling the cops. Even worse, I was standing two feet away when she saw the scratches she had made on Brad's face and looked shocked! She said, "What happened to your face?"
` Even worse, she wants to move her weirdo friend, 'John Galoot' in with us so we can be one big psycho family! She was also offended by the use of that nickname, even though Lucas and Brad have been using it for a year. Guess she forgot that, too.
` Anyway, Lucas didn't say anything concerning John 'Galoot' moving in or not, and still, Char called Brad at work to tell him that Lucas had a problem with John 'Galoot'. Whatever!
` Also, Steve played bass with Lucas and Johnny, which was less cool than yesterday because he was so drunk he peed on his pants! Johnny ditched Steve at the bar after Steve came to play there with Hillary's Bush.
` Later on, I got caught between some bickering between these three, where Steve would turn everything Johnny and Lucas were saying against themselves. Eventually, Johnny couldn't take it and went upstairs.
` Even better, Char just just added her own ornament to our tree, like she's here to stay! She's been starting fights with Steve all day! Jesus!

And as far as December 5 goes... well, go back up to the top! Apparently, Char is gone for today, and will probably only be back to get her stuff. I hope.
` I would also like to add that I went with Lucas to buy a battery-operated amp and a mic stand with him today. And I played a steel drum. Whoo! Also, Steve is staying and instead plans to go to the gym and not drink so much. I know he can!


Anyway, that's what's been going on, and I'll be back with my next update, soon!