Friday, December 07, 2007

Slowly inching my way back to internetland... (Also, Lou's shocking new look!)

` I won't lie. I grew up in Ohio and I hate snow. Especially last Saturday, which is when I got to school too early in the morning and was told that the time I had chosen to go on the field trip has once again been postponed - this time, until after finals (which are next Thursday).
` Later on, I had gone to the YMCA and when I came out, the snow was driving so badly so that I could barely walk to a restaurant (as I had used up all my food at home) and then drive back home. I thought the roads might not be as bad as the sidewalk, but my new car almost slid into the curb because I apparently don't know how to stop properly with a stick shift in such conditions.
` Here's when it started to snow the next day, I believe. It wasn't as bad, but I was still too scared to drive to the YMCA.

` Luckily, it's long since melted and it's nice and sunny today. In fact, when the snow first melted it was not only sunny but very warm, and I discovered that both of my furry aliens love to run around on leashes! Maybe I'll do some more of that today or this weekend....
` I know I haven't been here for a while. I've been very sick - and very busy with finals. As you may know, on summer finals, my new kitten - alien, I mean - Violet had been deathly ill. (BTW, I'm working on more 'alien explorer' stories. I might have some up on my website soon.)

` So, Violet (Cattain Niyu) was sick - and so was I - last quarter. This time, it's only me. Why am I so under the weather? I think it's my stupid hormones. Last time I was trying to stand up to leave the classroom and collapsed from pain and was very embarrassed. Then, an ambulance came for me. That was even more humiliating. Then, something else medical happened, which was yet more damaging to what little ego I've reserved for myself.
` This month, my digestive system is even worse - not only have I been dealing with water pouring out of my ass, but I'm nauseous as well! (Though, it is a lot more tolerable than things I could barely put up with in the past, before I saw a doctor about this whole thing.)
` This is why I would prefer to be a man - their worst hormonal problems seem to involve an irresistible urge to hump anything that moves. I would much prefer this to being in pain, being dehydrated and weak and falling asleep at school, constantly hungry because I can barely eat, running to the bathroom all the time thought it's hard for me to move around a lot, etc.
` I'd go to a doctor, but my current one is a condescending jerk and should not be allowed to practice medicine. ...Not that I've been to him, but I was switched to him and it turns out that this used to be Superhero Rockstar Lou Ryan's doctor who generated many horror stories and much rage from Lou. (There was a very large difference between the way he pronounced the doctor's name and the way the insurance company lady did on the phone, so I didn't realize it was the same guy.)

` Okay, okay! Ranting is over!! Surely there's more things to life than ranting, right? Well, Last weekend (before I discovered my field trip was not happening), Lou went off to produce/act in a movie in Portland. (Another Nathan Lee film, this one is called The Ripple Effect. BTW, The Rat is being reshot, but the trailer is still here. There are also pikshers of Nathan and Lou jumping around and wielding deadly weapons here.)
` This is what Lou Ryan looked like before he left. (Except not so blurry.)

` He came back on Sunday, looking suspiciously like a hit man....

` That's friggin' creepy, ain't it? Speaking of Lou, anyone remember this from my last post?

...[F]or the past several days [Lou] had been banned from the YMCA - and just when his physical therapy was really helping!
` But why? He didn't do anything wrong, and there's nothing wrong with his account. He just got this phone call for him to come in and 'have a conversation' with the account-type person, who would not tell him why.
` Since he works when they're in the office, he set up times for the relevant people to call him, but they never did, and didn't even answer their phones when he called them in his impatience - then one of them left town!
` Because they were being such freakin' flakes, a Y employee finally let him in - it was really getting ridiculous! His muscles were so happy!
` What was that all about, you ask? You might also recall this from October, when we were Haunting the Giant Bickford:
...[A]s for Lou, there was this one girl who works at the Y as a lifeguard who was completely hitting on him! [At the time, I couldn't remember if she was groping him or just trying to, but it turns out she actually was!] He tried to subtly hint that he knew where she worked by saying "one day when you're at work, I'll drown you!", which is creepy, but she didn't seem to notice. So, as she was walking off, he called; "See you at the Y, Laura!" Her reaction was priceless.
` As I already had known, Little Miss Horny really seemed to have the hots for Lou and had already been avoiding him for some time. Why? Because she had said something about Lou's wife (presumably another Laura he doesn't know) and he said, "Oh, I'm not married."
` Though obviously secretly attracted to him (and wearing a Promise Ring, a sign of repressed lust), she felt so threatened by his being more available to her that she became very quiet and didn't speak to him again.
` So later, while she was drunk and in a corn maze, started groping Lou (who had bloody-looking appliances on half of his face) and asking him to make out with her and have sex with her, etc. Being a professional actor, Lou did his best to ward her off by trying to scare her, but this only turned her on even more.
` Then, he revealed that he knew her. Though it did freak her out most comically, it was a bad move in retrospect because Laura is apparently more immature than Lou had bargained for. She was then able to find out who it was and probably felt so guilty that she'd revealed herself to this guy she probably wanted to have sex with anyway, and couldn't take responsibility for her actions.
` Not that Lou ever saw her at the Y after that, but she was apparently so terrified that she'd see him again that she made up this ridiculous story about how he was hitting on her at the Y and got another lifeguard (who was probably hot for her) to back her up and complain to the manager that Lou was being disgusting and had said to the other lifeguard "I would fuck her so hard her ring would pop off!"
` It is to laugh. But who's the vice-director going to believe? Cute little super-chaste Christian girl (who apparently isn't so chaste when she doesn't realize she's being watched), or tough-looking white guy (now with shaven head), not to mention me and the people working at the corn maze who saw her hands reaching for his crotch.
` Exactly. It doesn't matter how many people back Lou up; he's a man, so he's not credible. But, I guess that's just as well because rumors now abound at the Y that Lou is a creepy predator. All because Laura is in denial and can't manage her feelings.
` So, now we go to Gold's Gym. That's the gym I used to walk by and laugh at the people through the open garage door because they were doing an open-air cycling class when they could be riding a real bike in the open air. They don't have a hot tub (or a pool, for that matter) but at least they have good weights. Though it's vastly smaller than the Y, it's still the same price. Darn! Oh well, at least it hasn't changed much for me.

` Though I have a few other things to do this weekend, I will update my other blogs soon. That is a promise I will not break. This time, anyway.


Galtron said...

Ha! First comment! Good to see you again, Spoony! I take it you're still unexploded? Maybe with some tasty treats at hand?
That is really crazy about how they didn't believe the corn maze story. You know, considering that I read about it in your post from Halloween, I don't think he could have possibly made that up just to counter Laura's accusations.
Good luck with the new gym!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Good to see you posting and I'm glad you're OK. Watch that snow and ice. Drivin' ain't simple on it!

S E E Quine said...

` Amen, Nick! Especially not here, where there's no car-devouring salt on the roads!
` Good luck over there in the cold, bitter harshness of Kentucky! Whatever you do, don't slip on the ice!!!

` Indeed, Galtron, I do have some tasty treats. And indeed, I guess I do have a lot of witnesses to back me up on this one.
` The guy, Ted so-and-so, didn't care one iota. He just kept saying "Why would those lifeguards lie?" Lou said, "Because he's attracted to her." And he said, "Why do you suspect that?" And Lou said, "Because she by far has the most attractive figure." And then he's like, "How dare you insult the lifeguards!" And Lou said; "I'm not, because it's a fact."
` Well, he wanted to know.... Yeah, well, good riddance.

J Morgetron said...


Laura was grabbin' for the wrong crotch, wasn't she?

Lou maybe should've waited on the head-shaving thing until this blows over --- oh well! Too late now!

I will say though -- now that he has creepy predator credentials, he should probably get a tattoo on his scalp.

A wise woman once said, "If you're going to go ... go balls out!"

That wise woman was ... me.



S E E Quine said...

` Yeah, well, Lou was suffering horribly for not being able to work out for weeks - because no one would tell him what was going on like they said they would! - so he had to get out of it some way or another.
` And that's a big "NO" on the tattoo.