My New Ride - pre-pimped and everything!
` Remember my Chevrolet Burgundy Rectangle? (Just smile and nod.) Remember how my former crazy neighbor smashed one of its taillights out with a baseball bat?
` Gee, that was a while ago. Let me catch you up on the Burgundy Rectangle; last September, shortly after I was stood up by my Slaverian Guard uniform, Lou and I went down to Pull-A-Part and pulled this for about thirteen bucks! (It's a taillight, in case you can't tell.)
` To review, this was the old taillight - after stripping the protective red tape off:
` There! You would never know our crazy former neighbor was so fond of blunt objects and hating me!
` Since I had been fearful of washing the car, lest I destroy its electronics, it had gotten pretty dirty. So, I set aside some time a couple days later to hose it off. Ahh, shiny car rear end!
` So, that was a while ago - in fact, it was just before my amazing, spectacular trip to Greider Lake with Superhero Lou Ryan! (Later on, it got really muddy - inside and out - at the giant Bickford, thereby negating my washing efforts.)
` Fast-forward to this month; I had been car-shopping at the Chevy dealership with Lou because there were more things wrong with the Rectangle that couldn't be fixed for less than its resale value.
` I really wanted this one super-shiny car, but the price was a bit too steep. So, Lou had this brilliant idea of employing the 'we don't want it' technique by not coming back the next day. Plus, because we had been so busy haunting the Giant Bickford and other time-consuming projects and crises, we didn't even get back to them at all anyway; the Chevy guys called back again and again - and finally they put forth an offer we couldn't refuse at all:
` No money down, $334 a month. Eleven thousand smackerels for a vehicle that had originally been priced at seventeen thousand. We were taking it. We would swap out the Burgundy Rectangle on Thursday.
` The suspense builds.
` Just before the time-change (when the mornings were still frosty) was the last time I expected to drive the Burgundy Rectangle to school before trading it in, so I took a picture before walking the rest of the way to the college. (Yes, parking is that bad - I don't even park anywhere near that place!)
` Well, we went to the car dealership three times and were also turned away three times because the new car wasn't fixed, which was inconvenient because we were very busy and had lots of plans - Lou even delayed his trip to Portland because he thought he was going to drive it over instead of the Burgundy Rectangle. Why the hell didn't they just call us? They sure liked calling before we bought it!
` Well, as long as we got the car, right? And as long as they got the Run-Down Rectangle, which is probably a lot worse off than they ever realized. So, after the nonsense was over (five days later), I drove to school at the wheel of this baby (after the time change):
` What's that, you ask? Not a Chevy - it's a 2003 Volkswagen Jetta, Wolfsburg Edition! I think it really classes up our ghetto 'parking lot'. Don't you think? (I just hope nobody tries to steal the CD/tape player before I get a chance to find CDs and tapes....)
` I never close the sun roof (unless it's too bright!) and I've even figured out how to parallel park it on a hill - and it's a manual! I've never driven a stick before! The Swill Man was right - automatics are for pussies!
` Anecdote: I was attempting to drive it at first and I about gave Lou a heart attack because it was in third gear instead of first like I thought it was. What a relief to finally figure out that it's not really your fault (I guess) after someone is yelling at you to do exactly what you are doing. After figuring that out, driving it has been a breeze.
` You know what's really sad? I never thought I would ever even drive a nice car, let alone purchase one! I thought all my cars would be clunk-mobiles, more suited to the Everott ghetto environment. So happy to be wrong about that.
` Gee, makes me wonder if we'll ever move out of this godforsaken apartment? I mean, we tried to last month, but the landlord said we'd have to wait a couple days before he came up to give us the key - and by then, someone else had already moved in!
` What I mean is, will we ever escape this building? Well, I suppose we'll have to when it's demolished in the next few years. Okay, so what I really mean is, will we ever get out of the ghetto?
` Well, I guess our living here is the whole reason why we can afford anything nice - only $450 a month! (Yeah, and $450 for the bigger one we wanted to move into.) I guess we'll take it step by step.
` Oh, that reminds me, our back-to-normal B-Dizzle is living here once again - downstairs, this time, and he just got a very nice pit bull. He named her Bitch. That just figures! Unfortunately, I don't think our fuzzballs like her very much.
` That reminds me again - remember our little aliens? (Just smile and nod again.) They're gigantic (around seven pounds as opposed to one and a half) and I am slowly-but-steadily uploading more 'Cattain's Log' series online. There's quite a few more. They'll be on my website.
` Okay, I'm getting really tired and as you may be able to tell, my brain has been going for the past several paragraphs. Last night I stayed up later than this at the Castle Nightclub (no drag queens, unfortunately) and almost died. But at least the zucchini made me vaguely happy. Regrettably, I was so tired I forgot to pay for it!
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14 comments:
Loving the new wheels dude! (that means the entire car not just the wheels lol) and you got a good deal for it too. Lucky you.
You look as if all your christmases have come all at the same time in the first pic
You should get one of those car alarms that deals people to step away from the vehicle or else they'll be fried with 12,000 volts of electricity. You're a mad scientist so you should be able to rig that up in a matter of a few hours and now that I know your licence plate number I'll know to stay well away from it. See, there's already one person on the planet whom your new radio is safe from :-P
And your Castle Nightclub link isn't working but I think I can figure it out anyways ;-)
Neato post. Thanks for sharing it. Now go get some sleep.
Congratulations on the Jetta. It sounds as if you and it—did I miss that you have given it a name?—are getting along well. I think you’ll enjoy the manual transmission; I find I don’t really experience driving unless I have one (and I’ve had manuals ever since 1967).
Wow! You picked a winner! I've seen lots of Jettas, but none as lovely (or shiny) as that one! Congrats!
....And let's hope that, if people start vandalizing it like they did your rectangle, you can find matching parts just as easily (from inferior Jettas).
Umm I flicked through this post really quickly to see if there were any new comments and I think I saw the word "stripped" in the post and that got me to thinking lol. Going to check if that was just a figment of my imagination ;-) ....
Ahhhhh it was "stripping". That works just a well for me lol.
` Yes, stripping! Because red tape sucks, tee hee! (Actually, it had faded to light pink tape by that time....)
` All my Christmases look like they have come in the first pic? Well, I guess after some weirdo smashed your taillight in a fit of malice, you'd be pretty happy to find another one for considerably less than a hundred bucks, too!
` As far as a car alarm goes, it has one already - in fact, my little lock blinks red in fiery warning.
` I don't think I want to try to make a security system that fries people, because given my luck, I'd fry myself in the process!
` One annoying thing I forgot to mention; I have a pushbutton key and the electrical parts don't work - and the keys costs about two hundred bucks apiece (and they're probably worth about two)!
` It's also my only key, so I'm planning to get a spare - the cheapest one I can get is a valet key for 60 bucks!
` Oh, and the Castle Nightclub link didn't work when I put it up, but it's their official website. I was hoping maybe it hadn't disappeared....
` Nick, you are correct; I have no name for it yet. I named the Burgundy Rectangle from how it looks from space.
` Since I don't expect to find a Satellite photo of this car, I'll have to come up with some other way of naming it.
` ...Though, the name 'Red Streak' almost sounds good - despite the fact that it reminds me of being ill-prepared for 'that time of month'!
` And I agree about the manual transmission - it actually forces me to pay attention more while I'm driving so I don't fall asleep at the wheel from boredom!
` Yes, Galtron, though if someone steals a mirror, any other mirror will not be as fine as mine, nor the right color.
` Actually - unlike my Lumina, the mirrors fold back in case I hit something with them! Brilliant! And, they are both adjustable and have a defrost feature for icy days!
` (Also, there is a seat-warmer, too, so my butt doesn't freeze off!)
Well done for commenting. I would give you a cookie but I just ate the last one. Sorry. Teehee ;-)
` That's okay. Got any bathtub monsters?
` O_o
*gulp* :O
HA! I may have :D
yo, it's ilovetwo. Interesting info. Don't worry about paying that guy, I guess nobody got paid more than once aside from tips. So they worked for free for nearly 9 months.
Steve's actually in a bit of tax trouble from what I hear (the owner).
Merit badges? I think I tried that once. It's a step towards removing all differences. The buddhist teachings on witnessing instead of action, I'm actually starting to understand.
Anyway, I'm getting Lou's page done. It seems it'll require some coding even though my software allows full layouts without it.
What I didn't tell him was that dynamically changing a website without code is almost impossible, normally. The reason I didn't tell him is because I'll just write a special ftp uploader using a label as a marker and actually make it possible.
Anyway, I hope you can see merit badges on people without gathering info. It's kinda backwards, but you should have the ability at this point.
see ya.
Silly atheist, science is for reality. hehe
` Mmmm. That was a really tasty bathtub monster. I think I'll be okay for the next twenty minutes.
` I think Jake (I mean, X-Dan) paid for my zucchini. Meaning, I must pay him.
` That's great about the website. Hey, Lou just came home - he has a box of business cards! He says, "What, does he think I don't understand this stuff? I just don't want to do it!"
` As far as merit badges... you know, they're actually more like rings. It's as if people have rings along the edges of themselves - like hoop earrings. Weird, huh?
` Strangely, I do see them on people; they're just wrong half the time. Me and my overactive halluci - I mean, imagination!
About those rings, next time you see them, calm down. With a blank mind you can usually let their interpretation come to you.
There are two ways to use every single tool presented. One is for purposes of the ego, or the self your body is. The other is for your larger Ego, or rather, your true self.
I didn't understand this until I realized, I could use my psychic studies and abilities to go the self-glorification route (sylvia brown), or I could, and have, used them to understand reality and enlighten myself instead. The problem was I never even thought self-glorification was a good route, so I had nothing to compare it to.
Perhaps if Lou understands, I could just make a big "TYPE YOUR STUFF HERE" in the html to spare the time it'll take to write the ftp program. Or if you can use ftp, I'll just write a site modifier, which I am actually experienced in already b/c of my encryption code I've done.
Oh yeah, one last thing. Instead of thinking of yourself as a body, try thinking of yourself as the consciousness that formed the world. Like the mind in a dream, before the dream. Consider this world, and your body, part of an idea that came out of your consciousness. This removes the "little self" and explains a lot behind "give everything away" religious teachings. Why identify with small stuff when you made all of it?
Giving doesn't "earn your place in the afterlife", instead, it makes your brain start thinking "I am infinite" instead of "I am a small fragile thing". It trains you to become enlightenment, and it's just that simple.
See ya, -2
holy cow! what an awesomemobil!
i haven´t been to yr blog in a while (sorry) but i checked it out today and i LOVE all your photos!
yeah! i just got a warm fuzzy looking at yr halloween horror section!
heavy sigh!
` Blood & gore = warm and fuzzy, huh? So glad!
` And 2; er... ah... you never cease to confound me!
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