Excited to be a Slaverian!

` On Saturday I took off for Snoqualmie Pass to do a shooting for Quadrant 42 (HarWen Productions). As usual, the mountains were refreshingly free of Pro-War Protesters screaming at Anti-War Protesters; "Cheerleaders! You court jesters!"
` I was to be a Slaverian guard, though little did I know, Slaverian guards wear these ridiculously ridiculous uniforms and wigs! I'm sorry, but I don't believe anyone is capable of patrolling in those things.
` Thus, humor!
` To tell you the truth, I showed up at the same time as Har and Wen (after some killer traffic) at a Secret Hotel with Secret Duck Decoy Wallpaper and a Secret Wapiti Antler Chandelier!

` Then they got me a Secret Hotel Room!

` It turns out that there was a girl who had been waiting in her car for half an hour or so (in the rain, no less!), and then another girl arrived. They became my Secret Hotel Roommates!
` I'm gonna call the one on the left Christmas (because that's what her name means) and the tiny little one will be Wroth (because that's what her name sounds like). I know, my pseudonym skills are suffering.

` We talked about all kinds of stuff, which I barely remember because my brain was stuck on Spin Cycle (without even rinsing first!!). All I remember was that those girls were cool and they thought I was cool, too. And funny. Because I apparently have Jim Carrey syndrome. Yeah, I was funny all right. In the head.

` And then, this:

` Opening our Christmas gifts a little early this year, are we? Actually, Christmas was putting on some tanning lotion. And.... I bet a lot of my male readers are jealous of me.

` Oh yes. I hope Christmas doesn't kill me and make my skull into a music box.

` We ate at a cute little conjoined restaurant that night. I wasn't feeling particularly hungry, though I helped the girls with their food. After that I wanted to go to bed, but they kept distracting me with sex-oriented conversation.
` I went along with it for a few hours, but then I started falling asleep, so I turned off the lights and threatened them with making their skulls into ash trays and taking up smoking just so I could use them.
` After about an hour of threatening, I finally got some sleep.

` The thing was, it was hard to sleep because we were expecting strippers at three in the morning. No, it's not like that - we had Christmas, anyway. I remember joking that if any of them were male strippers, they were welcome in my bed - someone else could have my sleeping bag!
` It turns out that the strippers were going to be more Slaverian guards, and ones who really know how to look slutty at that!
` To our huge surprise, they did not show up in our room at all - they had their own room! In fact, I think we were still awake at that point, which was really bad because we had to get up at 5:20!
` We were saved by serendipity, however, when the alarm never went off and we got a knock on the door at seven! Apparently everyone was behind schedule, but that was fine because it was intermittently drizzling and those huge, flamboyant Slaverian guard hats will melt if they get wet.

` This is actually the point at which I learned we'd be wearing miniskirts. And, because that day just had to be laundry day, I was wearing the only black underwear I had left, which didn't have good elastic. Thankfully, Wroth had three pairs of black underwear and she actually gave me one!
` I also didn't have any base makeup, though Christmas was good enough to lend me some of hers. What would I do without these guys? Besides take up smoking?

` There was eventually a meeting in the strippers' Secret Hotel Room and we all got together and discussed what we'd be doing.
` But instead of going through all that boring stuff, please check out this picture of a bunch of people including Har, John and Wen (back row). I forget which princess Wen(dy) plays, but she's hundreds of years old! Still lookin' good!
` Michael Ritz (Yohan the Gay Cook) is the crazy-haired guy in the middle wearing black tape - keep him in mind!

` Anyway, after the stripper who had persuaded the others to come left (she actually wasn't intending on staying, which I thought was funny), the rest of us went out into the parking lot and put things we didn't need into our cars.
` Not a bad view for a parking lot!

` As you can tell, it was pretty misty at the Secret Hotel that shall Remain Nameless....

` We actually didn't leave right then - Christmas and Wroth did a little Price Is Right Fireplace Modeling first....

` Um.... I bet Bob Barker wasn't ever this lucky in all his years.

` The strippers were probably thinking, "Amateurs!" Here's two of them - I think their names were Tiffini and Shannon. (No pseudonyms for them - they're probably better-known by pseudonyms anyway!)

` We eventually arranged ourselves into vehicles and had a caravan to a Mysterious Nearby Park that No One Will Ever Know the Name Of Because I Forgot It.

` It was probably about nine in the morning by this point. Not a big deal, however, because it had started to rain.

` Since Christmas' hair was too big to shove under one of those tiny wigs, she got a cool ray gun and this insane tracker headgear, both made by a very cool artist guy. I keep forgetting his name though, but he was wearing some kind of beret.

` For everyone else, he had made these awesome, shiny staves with bubbly things on either end.

` We spent the morning hanging out in Wen's awesome trailer, chatting, eating bagels and grapes and watching Pirates of the Caribbean on a tiny DVD player. (Until it froze up.)
` Wen was great, by the way. I feel bad for being somewhat scatterbrained and disorganized while she was quite the opposite.
` Anyway, she made us up and Tiffini got into this wonderful catsuit, thigh-high boots and orange wig (the main part of the commander costume).
` The rest of us would have gotten into our costumes as well, but it turns out that a very sleep-deprived John had left them at his house. He did bring the giant guard hats, at least! Plus, the halting of the rain was a promising sign.

` No uniforms? Well, no big deal - we'd get them sooner or later, so the rest of us continued being made up. That's when I finally got the platinum blond wig!
` I should probably mention that there won't be any pictures of us in our wigs or anything because that would be wrong and scandalous! (At least, scandalous until the movie comes out.)

` Since Michael (Yohan) was on his way, he was sent to pick the uniforms up. No worries. At least the rain didn't look like it was coming back!

` As it turns out, Michael had gotten to John's house and found that the door was open. He didn't know what was going on, so he just came to the set (a 45 minute drive) and got lost for about three hours.
` By that time, the day was hot, the mist was gone, and the park was full of visitors which were staring at us for being a bunch of blond clones and a girl in a catsuit.
` (I bet the adults thought we were shooting a porn, but had to come up with something else when their small children asked them what was going on.)
` Meanwhile, poor John went to get the costumes himself. He got there by about four or so and discovered that someone had broken into his house!!
` Luckily, I think Michael scared them off with his hair... which took three tries to get right, by the way!

` He makes a good Wolverine, doesn't he?

` Anyway, the weather was lovely and I was dying for lack of exercise, so I just had to take a power walk in my platinum blond wig with a couple of the other clones. Lots of people stared. Well who cares? Besides, look at the view!

` After that, I started hanging out with Michael a lot. Why? Because I was bored out of my mind and he was providing me with the energy I needed to stay awake (besides power walking). Just look at the Michaelness pouring out of him... or is that a symptom of Jim Carrey syndrome?

` Just after that picture was taken, he went into the trailer to get into his... slave costume, which as you have probably seen, is mainly made of silicon tape.
` By the way, you can see him wearing the silicon tape in the Quadrant 42 trailer (after the words 'And A Girl And A Gay Cook', as well as at the very end).

` Isn't that soooo adorable? I could die!
` I didn't just type that. No, of course not.
` What's great is that, if by some miracle I had gotten the part of Princess Alfeelya, I would have not only gotten to dress in the tape, but be hung up above a bunch of lava like so! (Also in the trailer.) Alas, I really screwed up my audition anyway, so I don't know if I had any chance or not.

` I was really starting to wake up again when I went kind-of running with the taped-up Michael to see where the shoot may have been planned. ...He was wearing a robe, though people still stared more than ever.
` I think the only people who were brave enough to actually say anything to us were these two hikers who returned to find their truck broken into. Despite being so close by, I don't think anyone actually saw anything until after it happened!

` As for actually getting around to filming... that's the thing: John got pulled over by a cop because of his sleep deprivedness - this was after five, and he had been on the job since last night, I think - so it turned into a big 'screw this'! Let's reschedule!

` I know!!! Who would have thought that something so seemingly minor could be compounded by so many crazy coincidences?
` What's even more ironic is that they were not even stopped by a forest fire once - but one misplaced bag brought the entire thing down this time!

` Oh well. If you're interested, this is the only thing I really know about the whole plot and setup of the movie. For official behind the scenes stuff, this should eventually fill up. Probably after the movie is already out. I don't imagine that I'll be in there, though!

` As for me actually being in the movie... well, shooting is going on for the next several months. I'll keep you updated.

` And thanks again for the underwear, Wroth!