Monday, July 02, 2007

Jokes, for a change...

` ...While I have plenty of planned blog material, that would actually take some time to make into a finished product. But, there's this 'fast and cheap' way of taking pre-fabbed material from emails and putting it up.
` For once, I actually thought that some recent 'Joke of the Day' material was good enough to share with other people, so I thought I'd show my loyal readers! And of what sort are they? First off, I have some proposed lesser-known scientific laws of sorts!
` Please tell me if any of them sound amusing to you!!

Light travels faster than sound...
...this is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

When you go into court...
...you are putting yourself In the hands of 12 people...
...who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Change is inevitable...
...except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword...
...get shot by those who don't.

The things that come to those who wait...
...will be the things left by those who got there first.

Flashlight:
A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

If a deaf child swears...
...does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself...
...is it considered a hostage situation?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?

How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

If you try to fail...
...and succeed...
...which have you done?

Why is it called 'tourist season' if we can't shoot at them?

` ...Yeah, that's something I'm thinking now that it's tourist season! Anyway, as a bonus at no cost to you I have something even cooler; have you ever wondered what your state motto was? Not long ago, I was disturbed to find Washington's State Motto: "Say WA!"
` What the hell kind of state motto is that!?
` Anyway, here's a list of more palatable state mottoes, which actually become progressively more and more funny as you go along - that means, keep reading until you find one that really makes you laugh!


Alabama: Heck Yes, We Have Electricity
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Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
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Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
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Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything [No offense, Bill!]
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California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother [Unless You're A Cowboy]
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Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunken Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians [Or, No, Maybe That's Washington]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest [My vote is; Marijuana Is Our State Flower!]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Prostitutes and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
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New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets
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New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent; You Have The Right To an Attorney
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North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
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Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
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Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
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Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner...
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Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn’t Actually Surrender
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South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
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Tennessee: The Educashun State
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Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
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Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
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Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slack jaw Yokels Don't Mix?
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Washington: Help! Nerds And Slackers Overrun Us!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
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West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
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Wyoming: Where Men Are Men ... and The Sheep Are Scared


` Well, as Lou Ryan is home and cute and adorable, I am now motivated to strike up conversation, so I'll see you dupes later!
` Oh, and I'll be back with either a science post or a photo post!

10 comments:

Galtron said...

Wow! I must say that some of that actually was funny! And now I'm wondering, what was the best thing before sliced bread?

Those are really great state mottos, even though they largely have to do with stereotypes, I said, surrounded by slackers and nerds.

Denny said...

good stuff i actually had a haha moment !

S E E Quine said...

` Aha! Triumph!

` Of some kind.

Denny said...

ok spooney Im coming back to your fair city in couple of weeks. Ill keep you updated

S E E Quine said...

` Kewl! To think I may actually come into some kind of not internet-based contact with Denny, a.k.a. apparent fan of urinals! (Well, they are useful!)

Denny said...

im not sure but i can never get the stupid pink soap to lather up in the sinks in public bathrooms. I must be doing it wrong?

S E E Quine said...

` Eh, I personally think it doesn't lather up because it's so cheap and full of non-soap that it can barely be called soap at all!

Denny said...

wait. maybe its a mint ?

S E E Quine said...

` It could also be a cake... hmmm. The only way to know is to take a bite....

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