Sunday, May 13, 2007

Triumph against the odds of my short-sightedness! (Or, Filming 'The Rat'.)

` Last week I had been planning to be an extra in a film called 'The Rat' (as in 'the snitch'), directed by the sexy little Nate Johnson, who also plays The Rat himself! My very own Lou Ryan was to play the character Orrin, and I would be one of his lackeys, and we planned to leave for Portland (where it's being filmed) on Friday afternoon.
` Then, Lou was assigned to do a bunch of fight choreography during the day, so he had to leave for Oregon at nine in the morning, taking along goth Dead Fetus Guy and semi-goth (and booby-swordfighter) Nymphomaniac. However, I did not want to miss my exciting psychology class, which as you can see I'm doing good in:

` You know, I really should study prior to my exams because I keep getting 'B's instead of 'A's! (Seriously, I've barely ever read the textbook.) So anyway, on Friday I went to school and... there was a note on the psychology classroom door saying that the teacher was out sick!! Nooooo! My staying behind was meaningless! I felt like such a dumb-head!! And I didn't even bother obtaining any goth clothes! Grrrrrrraaaaahhhhh!
` So, once I got back home I called Cheshire, who was unexpectedly still at school, waiting for me to get out of psychology class before calling me. So, I drove back to school with my black buckle-pants and goth blazer and took her home so we could get on my goth clothings project right away. And boy did she help me out! She even lent me 'Bob' the studded wristband and a white shirt with flibberty-ruffles! (A new word I'm using from now on!)

` Cheshire, I gotta say, you're a lifesaver! (Peppermint flavor, in fact!)

` I was tempted to cancel a doctor's appointment, which had been scheduled next on the agenda, but instead I got there, waited in line for ten minutes just to sign in, then waited an entire hour in the doctor's office for the doctor to get there before turning on my cell phone and seeing that I needed to leave for Portland soon if I was to get there in time.
` I had wasted so much time just sitting there!!! I felt so stupid!! So, I kicked myself over to the Y and worked out for only 20 minutes - instead of 45 as I had intended earlier - to help reduce the agony of sitting in the car for hours at a time, etc. Then it was time to get gas, buy black and white makeup, and then home to shower and get dressed up.
` After more than three hours of driving (and one hour of sitting in Seattle traffic and munching peanut butter sandwiches) I managed to get all the way down to Portland on time and Lou rushed out to meet me, showed me to a parking spot and then to the place Nympho and Dead Fetus Guy were waiting for me at a university building.

` Fast-forwarding to 22:00 (10 p.m.), when we were preparing for shooting deep in the bowels of a parking garage. Some more goth girls showed up, though one actor was missing, so Dead Fetus Guy got to play his character. And was he ever good! I had no idea he could act so well!
` A funny thing also happened; he was supposed to throw this guy against the back of this van, and on the first attempt the guy somehow tripped and fell on top of him! Real blooper reel material!
` Then, us goth girls were supposed to be engaging in some second-hand sadism. I had one leg up on the van, sexually molesting my plastic gun (which Lou broke the plastic silencer off of), while Nympho was standing next to me with a rifle across her shoulders, wearing a gas mask, a kilt and a shelf-boob corset.

` I'm not sure about the others, but all I know is that I was, at first, extremely intent as to what was going on, and then more falling asleep on my feet as the hours stretched past two in the morning. Then we had a break to go get some food (we were starving), so I ran out with Dead Fetus Guy (for protection against any real scary people) to get some food as fast as I could.
` Well, after going to the Cheerful Tortoise bar in my goth getup and being asked if I had Chinese symbols on my face by some foreign guys (goddamn, guys are annoying!!) while enduring really bad karaoke, the waitstaff finally informed me that I had not actually ordered the pizza I had periodically told them I was waiting on throughout the 45 minutes I was hanging around for. (Apparently, no one could hear me talk very clearly because it was too damn loud in there!)
` Needless to say, I was shocked and annoyed, especially considering that the film crew were still waiting on me to get back. In fact, my closeup was about where we had left off! Meanwhile I was about to collapse due to lack of food and my stomach was imploding! Damn to the karaoke!!
` So, I ordered the pizza again and didn't act irate or anything, but somehow I really pissed the waitress off by just sitting there and nodding off from sleep and food deprivation. Maybe my makeup made me look disgruntled? If I really did look annoyed it was because I was trying to tell the guy sitting next to me (over the din) that I didn't want to have anything to do with him.
` Finally, the waitress literally threw the pizza at me, meaning it was done, so Dead Fetus Guy and I ran out really quick to find Lou running up, wondering why the hell it was taking so long. Damn! And I hadn't eaten yet! So I ate one slice, touched up my black, evil lipstick and then continued fondling my gun for the camera.
` Vaguely I remember that, nearing the end of the shoot (close to three in the morning), the naughty goth chicks - who were just about as bad as Nympho and I - toasted "to delerium!" with our guns. Cheers! The other goth girls couldn't wait to get home... we couldn't wait to drive three hours and then get home. Somehow, we had to do it.
` You know, I suppose that drinking a bunch of water and coffee would have helped me out, but as there were no bathrooms available, I didn't in order to avoid having to pee in the grate. In fact, I didn't have much water even before my long trip so I wouldn't have to stop along the way, so needless to say I was somewhat dehydrated.
` Anyway, about the last thing we did was Lou's Orrin scene, which was incredibly badass! I ar jealous!! ...Meanwhile I had to wait with a still-painfully imploded stomach in a crouched position for most of that time, and I couldn't even hear what was going on because the air conditioning was so loud.
` But hey, Nate said he is interested having me as a storyboard artist. Hell yeah! I can do that! And by the way, you know how much I pleased G-man (a.k.a. Galen) with this? He actually sent me this matchbox with his name on it!! (And money, and other stuff....)

` I shall treasure it forever and use it on camping trips! Who knows what rewards I may get for working with Nate?
` Now, I didn't bring my camera to the shoot, though someone was taking plenty of pictures for Nate with the same kind of camera. (I guess because they're so Fab!) Those will be sent to us later on, and yes, I will probably put up a few just to show everyone how cool we looked. Later on I may have a chance to actually put up some other photos that show what was going on in the scene.
` Anyway, it was a long and eventful night and we didn't even get done so we have to go back next week! So everyone cleared out and threw garbage away, we picked up our things (including Nate's unused special-effects melons!), Lou drove his truck down, Dead Fetus jumped in, and Nympho and I jumped in the bed and rode to my car.
` I, with an emergency Ritalin in me, felt quite awake and I drove 3/4 of the way home with Dead Fetus guy while listening to Lou's The Wall tape we found at Lou's Mom's house, and by the time the sun had come up and he had plugged his CD player into my tape deck I was falling asleep. So Dead Fetus took over, and I slept/hallucinated until we were home, then he drove me and Nympho back to their house and then I drove home to Lou, the bed, the rest of the pizza, and other things conducive to sleep.
` Lou, on the other hand, had spent his trip home in constant and stimulating conversation with Nympho, as they were evidently articulate enough to do. Apparently, she is in denial of everything. Okay....
` So, for the rest of the day, I don't know about Nympho and Dead Fetus, but Lou and I were dying of sleep deprivation, so we slept for a couple hours and were then tired and sore a lot. Then, after being in a weird-enough mental state to watch Labyrinth all the way through (whoa, that Jim Henson must have been on acid!), we fell asleep early and were rudely awakened by fighting and gunfire.
` Apparently, two of our neighbors were being jumped on the front porch. Though Lou and I were crouched in the middle of the living room floor, talking to the 911 dispatcher, it's not like the police would actually come unless perhaps someone was killed. Well, that was not the intent, so nothing happened and we went back to sleep.

` Yes, I know, we really must get out of here. That's in the post I've been working on.

` I am also dismayed to see that the sink and counter are once again covered in dishes and garbage. You know, I was really enjoying this cooking thing. On Thursday I actually bought some oysters, which Lou brutally slaughtered with his superhero strength and I breaded and fried.
` Mmmm-mmm good!

` I had also gotten some 'slammon' while I was there. Just look at that shine! And so deep red, too!

` Yes, cooking was quite fun. Better than Denny's in fact, even though there were people talking about the reproduction of creatures that have black holes inside of them, which, it was agreed upon, must pull in random flesh and then shoot out babies.
` Yes, this was indeed Xenophon's idea. I also recall someone saying, after he'd made a very strange sentence structure; "Oh my God, that was less than English! Here is you, here is 'less than'. The crocodile will not eat you!"
` Well, I've wasted enough valuable time (three hours) working on this post and talking to people on the phone. I have more homework to do and I'd better head to the Y. See ya later.


Galtron said...

Oysters! Did you find a pearl?

Filming the movie sounded like a trip (maybe as much as Labirynth?). So glad you got there! I hope you do make some storyboards! When does it come out!?

P.S. I can't believe someone would throw a pizza at you!! (In a box I presume.) Also, congrats on your psycho class!

Denny said...

hiya Spooney, Ive been in Seattle for a few days now and its been fun. I must say this town has the best sushi I have had in a long time but the traffic is HORRID ! I didnt know you were an actress ;)

S E E Quine said...

` Thanks, Galtron! I think the movie comes out in five weeks, though I don't know if it'll 'make it' to mainstream theaters. (If it did, it would probably be shot over again with actual movie cameras, etc.)

` Denny, long time no see! Glad you like this place. Yes, the traffic is horrid, especially since there are rubberneckers: Sometimes, I-5 gets backed up for miles because people stop to look at stuff.
` Enjoy the rest of your stay here! There is excellent food almost everywhere.
` I personally recommend Agua Verde, which is at the end of Brooklyn Avenue on Boat Street. Why? Because it's good, and it's the only place I can remember the name of.
` Some of the worst food is, reputedly, the stuff you have to buy at jacked-up prices to stay at the top of the Space Needle. Most people I know say it's not even worth going up.
` Also, never, never ride the ducks. People will probably shoot at you.
` Really, I haven't done much in Seattle at all. Have you seen the Sci Fi museum or the art museum? Those are things I really want to try, but keep forgetting to.
` Well, gotta get to school!

Galtron said...

If the movie wasn't filmed with real movie cameras, what was it filmed with? Cardboard cutouts of movie cameras?

BTW: Sci Fi museum is awesome!

Dan said...

Holy crap! You're, like, smart of something, aren't you?

The cat's out of the bag. You can't hide it anymore! Hugs for being smart.

S E E Quine said...

` Whuh? Me? Smart?

` And Galtron, silly, the movie was filmed with an itty-bitty video camera. Unfortunately, we have to do it all over again because the background noise and echoes were so freakin' loud that the microphone could barely pick up people talking!
` That's what I'd actually figured the whole time, as I could barely hear anyone while I was there, but I kept my mouth shut.

locomocos said...

so what happened with the gunfight? or was it really just David Bowie 'reminding you of the babe'?


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