Friday, April 27, 2007

Stalked at the Campground!

` I know, it's been very difficult for me to find time to finish this post - I've been working on it for at least twelve days. So, brief recap; first, I want to say that I was only one of many to be linked to terrorism last week, so I'm not really all that special. (Darn!)
` Now, let's go back to the day after I discovered that I have a clone... I did want to see her again, but instead I spontaneously went camping, even though it was a weekday. (The wonders of spring break with no boss to hold you back!)
` So, the superhero and I packed up and headed to Squire Creek. (You may remember an amusing adventure we had there almost a year ago... probably more amusing than this one.) There was some nice scenery along the way, as you can see above the I-5 construction....

` Here's a good one of the Route 2 trestle and a train....

` We saw some ducks swimming in the freshly-treated sewage....

` Gee, I hope that the treated sewage is what's flooding the horse pastures....

` Of course, I can't forget the beautiful colors of trees in full bloom...

` ...and horse trailers painted to look like strange creatures!

` Slowly, we closed in on the mountains. This one seems to be awfully large and thus glacier-covered.

` Still, we went (wended?) our way through the farmlands....

` Heyyy! Here's that ridge I always call Mount Pilchuck, even though it's not even a mountain!

` The reason why I've sworn it was Pilchuck is because I've seen a shiny thing reflected in the light of the setting sun (on more than one occasion), which I assumed was the glass-sided building at the top of Pilchuck. What I didn't realize at the time was the this very ridge is the crash site of one of Willy Wonka's delinquent elevators!
` ...However, I think this mountain distinctly looks like Mount Pilchuck - I remember trudging up that treacherous slope!

` Ironically, Lou and I have been talking about living in a house with a backyard like this! (And perhaps even leave out traps baited with milkshakes, but I won't get into that.)

` We were also talking about getting a cute little lamb and pampering it and playing with it and loving it and feeding it all sorts of wonderful food... and then Lou would blow its head off.
` Then, we'd get a little pig, raise it like our own puppy-dog, teach it to do tricks... and then Lou would blow its head off.
` ...Ooo-kay, I don't think I'll bring any animals onto the property, just to be safe.

` As I was rambling on earlier, this was a camping trip we were going on. And so, upon arrival at the campsite I discovered that neither of us had any money to pay for camping, though after being cheated out of 20$ by an ATM (those filthy, lying automated bastards) we found that the Grand Park Overseer had disappeared in a cloud of Ranger Dust!

` Party time, excellent! ...Unfortunately, there was nobody to get drunk with. Actually, as I recall, we didn't get drunk anyway....

` So, we set up camp in the lot next to the one we had camped in almost a year ago (when I was so distraught about not being mauled by badgers), though I did have Lou take a picture of me standing on the same tree stump as last time.
` ...This time around, however, he wound up snapping a bunch at random moments of me yelping and stumbling in my bare feet as I tried to get down from the sharp, jagged surface, and they all came out so tremendously blurry and stupid-looking that I deleted them.
` I know, I'm a bastard that way.
` And, looking back further on that last post - just as I had wished! - I have actually started pumping iron again! Good for me!! Plus, compared to last time there has been yet another flood so the riverbed has changed a lot once again and was chock-full of cool formations!

` Since we were the first humans to walk upon the new sand, we saw no human footprints, only tracks from raccoons....

` ...And... wait a second! What's that?!

` It looks human enough, but... wonky. I took tons of photos, however, so there's plenty more 'Wonkyfoot' tracks to check out! (They're all here in this spectacular paranormal extravaganza!) While we were snooping around, however, I sensed that something was watching us. So, both Lou and I climbed into a logjam and hid.

` And then I heard something crunching through the undergrowth!! Wonkyfoot! So, I took some brush and tried to disguise myself as best I could.

` Every direction we looked, we could see nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe it was just another woodland creature. And then... we heard these little whining noises all around our ears and before we knew it we were being ferociously attacked by horrible flying, bloodsucking monsters! Lou and I barely escaped with our lives!

` We then decided to check out the Wonkyfoot prints and pursued them to the new course of the river, and found that they just went into the water! (Apparently the wonky-footed creature likes to get people off its trail....)
` Well, that was discouraging.

` Besides wonkyfoot tracks, we also noticed a spot where a raccoon was evidently practicing making its very own Hollywood star.

` Well, if Wonkyfoot was going to disappear on us like that, might as well search around for more spoor, and search we did, to no avail.

` I was somewhat perplexed at why anything would try swimming across the creek - doesn't look safe, what with all those treacherous jagged logs!

` Apparently the raccoon was also willing to take the plunge. Crazy beasts!

` So, in failure of finding any more tracks, we skipped rocks across the creek in frustration.

` But to no avail. So, we went back to the campsite while I took more photos of animal tracks, including this bird. What kind of bird, I don't know.

` Then, there was a long period of time where I took no pictures because we were building a fire, setting up the tent (on the comfy sand!) and reconstituting dehydrated space chow.
` Later on, the moon crept across the sky and for a while it cast the shadow of the pine tree over the campfire. Man, was it ever bright!

` ...But then, oddly, it dimmed. We puzzled over this for a few minutes until we heard this unearthly howling sound!!

` It couldn't have been a coyote because... um... it didn't... sound like one. It was more of a screeching sound. Like an owl. But... not.
` Because I know it was Wonkyfoot because they have the power to make the moon dim with their cries!

` Pretty soon, the only light we had was human-made. Thank goodness for campfires!

` But the sound went away and the moon eventually came back, and my adrenaline finally went down enough for me to start getting up to wacky highjinks and faking UFO landings. Uhhh... never mind.
` Remembering the conundrum I'd had last year with my Crappy Digital Camera, I decided to try taking more Austin Powers- style tent-shadow photos, but to no avail!

` Here's the swinging lantern, though! (Mmmm. Swinging.) ...Also, that's Lou's sexy nose and mouth.

` I actually woke up in the middle of the night, feet still unbearably cold, when a screeching sound erupted from the woods. But, since the moon was shining brightly into my face, I figured it was just an owl. Even though it sounded just like Wonkyfoot! (You see, they're quite avid imitators!)

` In no time, morning had come and we brushed our teeth, packed up and headed back to the car. On our way back, I got to see the sun rise!

` ...Except I guess there were a lot of clouds in the way, so it wasn't all that spectacular.

` Well, I hope you all enjoyed my post. Oh, and before I forget... Lou did not get the part he auditioned for in Oregon. Though the casting people were really satisfied with his performance, they emailed him to tell him that it was a tough decision, but they had decided to go in another direction with the look and feel of the character.
` When Lou actually demonstrated what he had done at the audition, I was amazed! I think he and I should make our own film!! I've really been wanting to do this, too!


Galtron said...

Haaaa! That picture of you 'elaborately camoflaged' is just too funny!

I see how you are! That UFO photo you took was a fake!!! I should have known!!

Kudos for finally telling us about what happened with Lou's audition, because yes, I do care! (I'd like to see him in actor-action myself!)

Gareth said...

That sign is not very fair for the horses! That implies that they get so bored that they turn rigid and just fall over onto the ground. I mean I've heard of cow tipping but horse tipping is a wholeeeeee other sport :P
Perhaps you should have helped that poor person out of the 'drink' (water) when you saw his boot floating past you. There is only so long that someone can hold their breath under water I'll have you know. Shame on you. And then to make matters worse Lou actually started throwing stones at him! Poor fellow, he only went out for a morning swim and ended up getting stoned to death!
Looked like a really nice camping adventure. Hopefully you wont hear any howling in the night now that you are at home. If you do it'll most likely be Lou standing on a loose nail in the floorboards when he gets up to go the to the toilet :)

S E E Quine said...

` Aw, Galtron! I feel loved now!! And yes, the 'UFO' was actually just the camping stove burner.

` Ha ha haaa! Gareth, you're so strange. I stay amused.
` However, I find Beckjord to be even more amusing, just because he actually thought I'd found bigfoot tracks out there. ...But that's only because he's actually crazy. He doesn't have to try. I mean, you can't really beat that!!
` Also, what's sad is that we really do have nails coming out of the floor! Somehow we've learned to avoid them, though. Don't worry; we'll move out eventually. Maybe we'll even move to Ireland! (Well, we have been wanting to get out of the country....)

Galtron said...

You had both a campfire and a stove? Smokey better keep an eye on you!

S E E Quine said...

` ...So that's what I heard trundling through the underbrush!

Lulu (Dan's cat) said...

Gosh I wish I was there with you guys. I love stalking. I would loved chasing after all of those creatures. The hell with footprints, I would have gotten them by the foot (like when I play with Dad) and brought them down. Oh yeah!

Even Bigfoot can't hide from me!

S E E Quine said...

` Yes! And then we could have pulled off its mask and found that it was... *gasp!* Old Man Johnson!
` And he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for that meddling cat!

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