Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Scaring People with Lou and other recent events

` Nope, this is not the promised madness - expect that to be up by tomorrow!

` You're not going to believe this, but the other day I got an e-mail from Weird Al, inviting 100 of his MySpace friends and a guest to a December concert in Las Vegas via a free flight and free hotel stay, etc. I was so excited about this potential prospect - because I've never been to any of his concerts - even though my insane dad lives around there somewheres.
` I was about to finalize my decision to get the ticket vouchers, but because I thought about it a minute and realized that it was to take place during my upcoming cruise, I reluctantly passed it up. By the time I told Lou Ryan about it - who told me; "No, the cruise is in January!" - it was too late, as Weird Al has millions of MySpace friends, and the offer probably expired in a half hour!
` I could kick myself!!
` Then again, I'm not terribly enthusiastic about missing even more college.... Did I tell you? I'm going to Everett Community College this winter! After a leave of four years from college! I'm thinking of learning to be a biologist and a writer! ...Maybe a biology writer!

` In other news, Lou and I were working as a team in the corn maze last Friday and Saturday - he gets to be my cute little patient! He is so cute, wearing the fake blood-covered Bellvue hospital gown and a heavy chain, with black makeup and more fake blood caked onto his face!
` Basically, I'm stationed before the fake scarecrow that so many people expect to come alive (after the last one) and while they're distracted by it, I come up behind them and scare them! If the group is too big, I try to rile them up, asking if they would like to be my volunteers because my other patients keep escaping, and then they go off around the bend and get to the next corner where Lou lunges out and starts his cute little agonizing act; "Help me! Pleeeease! Don't leave me with her!!!"
` This, of course, doesn't work if the groups contain more than fifteen or twenty people, because there is not enough space in between either of us for this to work because individually we lose the element of surprise. Perhaps next time, though, if I waited until the last people were going by, he could scare the people at the front at the same time! That would be awesome!
` And though we did frighten most people, interestingly enough a couple of times he saw a couple kids and their parents from when he worked at the Little Gym and got to say 'hi' to one of them, and also saw someone else who recognized him!

` As far as scaring people goes, at least twenty visitors fell down for me as I chased them around, and Lou got several more! (Bruce the chainsaw guy now has well over a hundred for this year already - last year in total he only 'killed' something like 96 people!)
` In fact, once I scared these girls so bad that they ran right past Lou and didn't see him chasing them and yelling at all! Even better, there were a few pants-wetters! And another girl was actually too afraid to go through the train tunnel (which, sadly did not have a working compressed air flashy stobe light thingy to justify such fears, because damn that thing is loud!) and she asked Lou if she could hide with him!
` And speaking of hiding, at one point a couple of kids hid themselves on either side of my hiding placeand didn't even notice me! I should have kept hidden and scared the bajeesus out of them once their friends came by and they jumped out (this happened a lot, actually), but I was irritated that they might expose my hiding spot by knocking down the corn that was concealing me so instead I tried to scare them right away.
` It more than backfired on me: They recognized me from another time I had been pathetic and scaring them, so they started poking and prodding me and pulling my hair because they wanted to know if I was a guy! It was irritating.
` And that reminds me, after I had scared part of a group of twenty or so by popping out and running alongside them, yelling 'It's escaped! It's escaped!', this one girl told me that I wasn't scary now, and I wasn't scary last time I tried to scare her either.
` So what if I was having a lot of trouble my first day? I'm a lot better at it now! Although, if I don't scare people, they tend to have more respect for me and want to hug me, shake my hand, take a picture of me.
` That also reminds me that, strangely, a good many teenage girls called me sexy! Many girls also called Lou sexy and asked if he wanted to go out with them. You know, I wonder how many of them realized that I was not a teenage boy? (It was a common enough misconception!)
` I remember that one evidently, thought that because I asked who wanted to be my next victim - er, patient! - and she said; "No thanks, I don't date anyone under 25!" And then I heard her flirting with Lou!" Ha ha ha haaa!
` In fact, tons of girls really dug him, and one had her boyfriend take a picture of her bent over in front of the corn Lou was holding! Oooh kay. Oh yes, ears of corn: That was another thing - people were throwing them!
` One teenage boy deliberately threw corn at Lou because he scared him so bad. (And once, an old lady threw stones at Shobhit the Corn Man!) Someone also was throwing the hard, unripe corn cobs randomly into the air, which I noticed when I looked up and saw one cob heading directly into my hiding place! What the hell? I actually had to dodge it!
` Why would anyone just throw stuff blindly around in a place that is full of people and not expect to hit someone? Then again, maybe he was just being stupid or drunk or something, and perhaps wasn't concerned about hitting any of the actors, because sometimes customers forget that we're people, too! (He also threw some loose change as Lou because 'he looked like he needed help'.)
` We are actually told to break character when someone starts to get aggressive, because they are somehow under the impression that we are 'not real' - which is sort of the idea, but it can be dangerous! Apparently, this also happens to benevolent Disney World characters.
` Anyway, it was a good run, and I'm starting again on Friday. However, Lou on the other hand is starting Saturday because he has a gig on Friday, so B-Dizzle (right) is filling in for him. Now that should be scary! Eeee heee heee!
` One last thing - Lou accidentaly left his chain in the cornfield, and I didn't even think about it until he told me. Luckily, I told Alexandra and she reported that it... "Was discovered running rampant through the fields, trying to find Alice, to get a reaction, without a melody, competely off, and with the fools."
` She adds, the chain is now in custody. *Phew!*

` Since I have no pictures of my memorable nights in the corn maze - except those taken by people who were not afraid of me - instead, I shall display to you pictures of the time I went on a walk once with Cheshire and Hot Bi Guy.
` Yes, for no discernable reason other than the fact that I CAN!!!!
` It started at Zippy's, where The Overlord watched down upon us:

` Then we walked randomly about. Though Cheshire was also behind me, she was apparently using her ability to turn invisible!

` A while later, she demonstrated another ability - The Power of The Lavendar Shawl! - to tie up poor Hot Bi Guy!

` ...And he's not Emo! Whatever that's all about. He's very cheerful and likes Hello Kitty because it's so cute!
` At one point, we stopped at the used CD store....

` I like the funny, weird things posted on the wall there....

` The stickers on the Lettermen record jacket say; "I'm White Bread!" "I'm Mayonnaise!" "And I'm Milk Toast!" And yes, that is one of those weird drawings of Hunter S. Thompson next to it.
` Well, that's all the time I have to sit in front of the computer for now! I'd better go get the laundry done, try to find a power supply for my new scanner (which I bought used for seven dollars) and call Cheshire because we're going to go to the YMCA early, and then Lou and I are planning to go to Agua Verde!

7 comments:

Galtron said...

Oh Jeebus! You've got a scanner now! What horrors will you expose us to now?

Also, I wish my job was scaring people!! That sounds like fun! And you get paid how much?

crabcake said...

You get to work the corn maze? I am sooo jealous! Take pics. Post them. Please! We must have pics.

I led my merry group through the maze once. My friend Ethel wanted to raise the flag and call for help after a couple hours cause she had to pee but I held her at bay.

Eventually we did find our way out. (we followed a little kid) I could have done it if my people hadn't been distracting me.

Episkopos Bongwater said...

HA! You don't scare me.

S E E Quine said...

` I have tons of old photos I'd like you to see! I'm really hoping this whole scheme works!
` Unfortunately, I once more failed on my attempt to procure a power supply. I was surprised to find that I did not have enough time in the day. And even if I do get a chance to, I'm not sure how I will find one - they all look the same, but only one will fit the outlet!

` I rather enjoy corn mazishness. Unfortunately, I'm now in the 'sleepy' part of my dysfunctional hormonal cycle (when I feel like I've been taking Benadryl all damn day).

` You and your crazy adventures, Crabby! Luckily, the Stocker Farm Field of Screams has been moved out of the real corn maze and into another section that you can't get lost in, reason being that people are hard to scare once they've been circling around a few times. Also, it sucks to get lost for hours.

` Glad I don't scare you Mr. Bongwater! That way you won't flinch if I should attack!

Winters said...

Splendid stories and photographs as always.

For a moment there I thought the overlord was a giraffe. But that would clearly have been absurd.

S E E Quine said...

` Zippy the giraffe... now there's a crazy concept.
` ...Also, I didn't make it to Agua Verde, though Lou did have another stakeout adventure!

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