A Night of Mad Scientistness

` As you may recall, I have a job at the Field of Screams in Snohomish and, thanks to Lou's spot-on directions, I managed to get within view of it by six. However, there was a lot of traffic right next to the place, and I took a wrong turn, so it took a while to get in from there! (It was really cool when an airplane came in for a landing just over my windshield though!)

` Thankfully, though the director was consulting the pig butcher guy, the director's daughter saw me coming and recognized me as the one who needed the lab coat she was holding! She was so awesome and had such lovely boots that I took a picture of her with a hot air balloon in the background and made it all pretty and blue for everyone!

` I was soon in costume, exploring the maze and meeting up with the other people, such as Bruce the chainsaw maniac, Jimmy the Ghoul, the Corn Man (who looks like more corn, until...), Shotgun-Weilding Insane Farmer guy, Wolf Girl, the Pig Butcher Guy who gave me some of his fake blood, and Joe the 'Crow, who is disguised as just another scarecrow... that follows you when you look away!!
` As for what happened after that point, I won't need to spend a lot of time typing that now - I already did that because the director emailed us and asked us how things went. Well, you know me... I gave her a handful!

` It was a long and varied 4 1/2 hours.... And so, being all scientist-like I present to you my extended analysis:

` At first, I tried to scare people in the lines, but they couldn't hear me yelling at them, and those that could stared at me and tried to make out what I was saying.
` "Have I seen who?"
` "Jimmy!"
` "Jimmy who? What does he look like?"
` "He's yay tall and gave me all this pretty blood! He needs his medication."
` "What? I can't hear you! Who is this?"

` OKAY!!!

` Well, perhaps I could have been talking to myself and gesticulating as well, but everyone was so preoccupied to talking to each other, they were just annoyed with me. In fact, anyone who did pay attention to me and could hear me rolled their eyes. (Which took away from my enthusiasm and made me even less scary.)
` One guy just looked at me like he was having trouble figuring out what was going on, adjusted his glasses and said 'Are you supposed to be some kind of mad doctor or something?'
` I was like; 'Yes, a very pathetic one. (Thinking about myself.) You see, some of my creatures have escaped....'
` It was very awkward, and a lot of people rolled my eyes and went 'yyyeah' and told me to go away because I was bothering them. So, I went into the maze for a while, but most of the kids recognized me already. They were all like; 'Yeah, you keep working on that.' and some of them even tried to scare me!
` Worst of all, this one girl - who looked maybe twelve - got this really sour expression after I surprised her family and said; 'Oh, it's just you!' Like really exageratedly bitch-like, and I thought 'what did I ever do to you?'. So I was all like; 'I'll have to take care of this one.'
` And then the one kid in camouflage who could not stop talking about getting scary contacts and YouTube and Deviant Art retrieved me and told me to go up to the line under the pavillion. There were so many people, I could not get their attention, so I got through the line with the only response being a disinterested 'Whaaat?' and was feeling so frustrated that I hid in the parking lot for a few minutes to recover from frustration, hoping to scare new people as more lined up.
` But that didn't work very well, so, I jumped over the orange fence and ran through the corn back toward maze and, surprise, surprise, scared a few people walking towards it without even trying because I was coming up behind them and weren't expecting it! This one girl just screamed and backed away really fast! I said 'I didn't mean to frighten you! I was just looking for Jimmy. He's been bleeding profusely and I really need to help him!'
` And then I walked up towards the line by the maze really slowly and some kids were like 'Oh my god, what's that!??!' and they all backed away, so that was cool.
` In fact, once I climbed up from under the exit tarp by the line and a bunch of people were like 'What the hell?' and freaked out and even screamed, I think! I was like; "Have any of your kids seen Jimmy.... I just reanimated him, and he's already on the loose!"

` Apparently, people are highly annoyed when they're being approached by creatures - at least, me - unless they totally weren't expecting it and didn't already see me!

` After being spotted many times due to whiteness, I tried many techniques to misdirect people's attentions. For example, upon finding dropped glow sticks (which leaked glowy stuff on me) I put them right by where I was hiding and people were like 'That's a good sign!'
` However, they kept taking them, so I eventually found a spot by the first mattress, where most of the people were really surprised; "What the... It's gooey! I think I have crap on my shoes now! Gross" While they were preoccupied there, I popped out, saying various things such as 'Next!' or 'Volunteers, anyone?' and when they said 'No!' I whined shrilly and maniacally, 'But I want to play with your insides! Come back!! Aw, you're no fun!!'
` Whenever I heard someone say that a person squeezed their hand too tight and it hurt, or said they were going to have a heart attack, or die of fright, I said; 'D'you need a doctor?'
` Some visitors halfway tripped on the mattress or lost their shoe or something, and while they were retrieving it, I sprang out and said; 'Watch your step!'
` A few people actually got so scared that they ran, and I chased them around the corner saying stuff like; 'Care to donate any organs today? It's for a good cause!' In fact, once, I chased some people around three corners! On my way back, the next people saw me, so I started screaming ' It's loose! Run for your lives!'

` In general, I seemed to have two main problems in the corn maze; my goggles were constantly foggy, so it was hard to see where the middle of a group was! I was also a bit distracted by the kid in the camo who kept coming over and talking to me - I forget who he was - and with the combined factors I kept losing my focus and element of surprise.
` Lucky me, I halfway managed to save face by acting silly like I was irritated I couldn't kidnap them, and the kid in the camo actually have me a good idea; 'have you seen the new periodic table? It has this element called 'surprise' and I'm looking for it.'
` He also did by scaring people, and when someone was acting obnoxious toward me, I told him to go off and stalk them, so he did.
` Still, I managed to scare lots of people and chase them around and make them mow over cornstalks. I think at least two people fell over - no, that's right, two more fell over at once! (Bruce made 56 or so fall!)
` At one point, there were a bunch of teenage girls crowded around this one man - their dad or someone - screaming insanely as I followed them menacingly. He was laughing and walking slowly, and they were stuck to him instead of running off, so it was easy - I was even acting all goofy and they were still freaking out and screaming! I said 'Are you quite sure you don't want to volunteer? I think you would be quite suitable! Call me!'
` It was so funny! And this one girl I didn't scare that much said; 'You look like a chicken nugget!' And I said, 'Really? ... It worked!!' and ran back into the corn excitedly. It was so hilarious!

` All in all, once I got the hang of surprising people, I managed to freak them out. The whole getting in line thing didn't work so well - at least for me - though perhaps popping out of some place near the line when nobody is looking might actually be effective.

` P.S. Cool lab coat! I still have it with me, bloodied and not terribly muddy and ready to go, sitting on the chair next to me. I may not actually wash it unless it gets really gross.

` So, yes, I kept the lab coat with me... in fact, I showed it off to the people at Nympho's birthday party!

` Apparently, Nova and Cheshire were out with Nympho whilst she purchased some beer, so I had to wait a few minutes in a daze until I could greet them. Luckily, X-Dan, TallGuy, Flinch and others were there to keep me distracted from my tiredness and foot pain.

` Finally, they did get back, so I at least got to say 'Hi' before I left.

` It was too bad I was about to leave... they had planned an orgy later. In fact, when I was going out the door, Nympho was arranging some cloves in a lovely spiral design on this very blurry orange. Apparently, they were going to play this game where you pull the cloves out with various bodily parts and are kissed on them if you succeed. And if you swallow it, they have to go down after it!

` Alas, I missed the orgies because I was way too tired!! And I must go now, if I am to get everything done in time for night two of the Field of Screams!

` Quick Update: The director has just written me back:

Sounds like you tried different things, and found out some really good methods! THAT is how it is supposed to work!
I will see you this evening.
Thank you for being creative and LOOKING for the best way to do things!!
Yay, creativity!!!

` Awesomeness and shininess!