Thursday, October 12, 2006

My meager accomplishments....

` I can't believe this! Starting tomorrow - until Halloween - I am going to get paid eight dollars an hour for being the mad scientist, Dr. 'Nociceptor' Nova!
` I'm not kidding.
` I'll be at the Stocker Farms giant corn maze (in the form of a Boeing 787!) and have the ability to scare the hell out of people who want to be scared!
` In further breaking news, I've just gotten a phone bill with my name for Lou's phone number and - horrors! - Phil's name for my number! How in the hell that happened, I have no idea, but apparently those are the names that have been appearing on people's Caller IDs!
` Ha! Thanks to this valuable insight, I was able to change that unsettlingness immediately!

` So, things have certainly been somewhat productive lately. On top of that, the sky has been fairly clear almost constantly for the past few months, and so Winter Depression continues to be delayed!
` Another one of my meager accomplishments occurred after the time Lou deleted a bunch of my photos! Since I had begun wanting to stab things, I managed to put this to practical use: My dead cow skin sandals! (Which have ample room for deformed toe sticky-outieness!)

` You see, my deformed feet are two different sizes, and there are only four 'notches' for adjusting these sandals. The third notch is perfect for my left foot, and in fact the fourth notch is too tight! However, my right foot is so small that even the fourth notch is too loose, so the strap always kept falling under my foot so that I had to keep my foot curled in order to 'grab' the sandal as I walked!
` I was so lopsided that one side of my body was constantly sore, and I couldn't run without the sandal flying off! So, once I was powered with an intense urge to stab, I grabbed many different kinds of sharp, awl-like objects - a useless carving fork, extremely pointy knives, etc. - and over the course of fifteen minutes, managed to drill another notch (while yelling, 'Killlll!').
` Now I can keep my sandal on without curling my foot up! Hooray for ambulatory normalcy! And, just last Friday, I tested my sandal security by kicking Lou's ass!

` As far as other practical work goes, I make over half my daily showers 'Dish Showers', so that our tiny sink actually has a chance not to look like it's owned by slobs. (Not that I'm the one who dirties most of the dishes anyway....)
` Dish showers!TM They have to be done!
` I've also been washing the ugly, painted-over wallpapered walls and spackling the many chunks that are both extra and missing. It seems that I'm putting the 'fab' in 'ghetto-fab'!
` Plus, you might be interested to know - or not! - that last August I tried a new product with the hope of finally taking care of the most daunting task in the household; cleaning the stovetop!
` It's called Method, and I've concluded that it is capable of working somewhat - instead of not - unlike Lou's diluted Windex....

` What else? Oh yeah, my hot 'n sexy workouts at the YMCA have finally enabled me to put on my old pants again! Yay for not having to buy new pants!

` I'm also getting so good at cutting my hair, now that Phil can no longer order me to go to the haircut place because I can't do it 'good enough'. I'm sorry, but a haircut done the way I don't want it done is not worth to me thirty bucks!
` In fact, the last time I cut my hair (August 11, in preparation for hiking/camping), I found that it barely took any time at all! And look how almost-even it was!

` Much to my amazement, it's actually more even this time!
` Anyway, I need to complete my Nociceptor costume by washing some clothes before it's time to go see the hilarious Crash Crandell in the 21st Century and whatnot. In fact, I just said to Lou; "We need to get on that laundry soon!" So he climbed on top of the laundry baskets!
` That silly boy!
` Well, I really gotta get my clothes clean! Ciao and au revoir and hasta la vista, also sionara! Or as they say; So long, farewell, auf weidersehen, goodbye!

` Remember kids, laundromats are your friend - even though those machines can eat your quarters!

` P.S. Cassie, I got your postcard the other day. That's an awesome picture of you! You kick ass!

4 comments:

Winters said...

Miss Quine; I think I might well be be scared if someone dressed as an aeroplane crept up behind me in a corn maze.

I'd think I had gone insane. So, you'll have lots of fun driving innocent people round the twist. Enjoy!

Cutting one's own hair is a quality I greatly admire.

S E E Quine said...

` Thank you, Winters!
` ...I was hoping someone would comment on that grammatical error of mine!

Galtron said...

Also, don't forget Na na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye! (Was that too many 'nas'?)


Congrats on the fun scarer job! And being yourself to boot! I bet you don't even need a costume!

BTW, That's a lot of stove gunk! What kind of concoctions has Nova been cooking up?

I also think your haircut looks fine, especially considering you can't really see the back of your head! (Unless you have a mirorr.) Phil must be crazy!

What else? Oh, I hope you had fun at Crash Crandall!

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