Wednesday, November 02, 2005

I have worms in my ears! Must get them out!

` Yes, my auditory cortex is really acting up today! Currently, this really rabid heavy metal song is going through my mind, now that I've listened to it twice today. Why? 'Cuz it has Brak in it, whom I've written about before.
` Must... use... blog... as outlet!

Space Ghost:
I smell turkey!
Brak:
Tuna fish!
Space Ghost:
Big beef jerky!
Brak:
Potato k-nish!
Space Ghost:
I smell o-nions-ahh!
Zorak:
Pizza too.
Space Ghost:
The dog needs washing!
Zorak:
And so do you.
Space Ghost:
It smells like...
A bunch of other characters:
What does it smell like, Space Ghost?
Space Ghost:
It smells like...
Everyone:
Pork and beans?
Space Ghost:
It smells liiike!
Everyone:
Waaaaaaaaaauuuuugggggghhhhhh!
Space Ghost:
It smells like Cartoon Planet! ...Whoo-whee!
(Electric guitar.)
Space Ghost:
Zorak, prison pod, Brak, Brak,
Zorak:
Barnyard animals,
Brak:
Oink!
Zorak (not thrilled):
Quack.
Space Ghost:
Zorak upside-down!
Zorak:
Sing it, fuzzy.
Brak:
I'm a little teapot, short and stout!
Space Ghost:
It smells like...
Everyone:
Asparagus and cabbage!
Space Ghost:
It smells like...
Everyone:
Boxer shorts!
Space Ghost:
It smells like...
Everyone:
Wwaaaaaaauuuuggghghhaauuu!
Space Ghost:
It smells like Cartoon Planet! (*sniff!*) Ahh!

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` And now back to the random singing that plagues my brain... Hey, it's Henry Phillips with his guitar. He's pretty good, that Henry Phillips! I writed down the notes in case you're curious about them.


E E, E D# C# B, C# B C# (dn)D A G#,
Ancient Philosophy was framed by prodegies,
A A A G# F# E E E D# E,
Aristotle, Plato and Socretes,
E (up)E E E, E D# C# B, B C# B C# (dn)D A G#,
And even though their thoughts were deep, the aristocratic voice,
D A A A G# F# E E D# E.
They also had a thing for little boys.
G# F# E F#, G# F# E C#,
Catherine the Great, so it's been said,
G# F# E F# G# A, B C# D# E, D# C#,
Needed large animals to be fulfilled in bed.
C# C# B A B B, E E E D# E D# C#,
From historic rulers, to the ancient Greeks!
(dn)G# B A A, G# F# E E D# E.
We're standing on the shoulders of freaks!


` Hey, wait a minute! That's historically inaccurate! I must escape this madness! (Everyone around here knows Catherine the Great wasn't killed by an uncontrollable lust for stallions! Of course, she died of a stroke! On the toilet!)
` Quickly, someone else get a guitar out! Art! Artie! Those guys'll help me out...


E F G, F E F, G,
There's a penis in my butt,
E C A, E C A, F C G#
Hurting me, hurting me, hurting me...


` Um... that is a dilly of an earworm from the Barneses' Homophobic Dream #22! It's not the kind of thing I'd normally sing (overtly) in public, but it's just so darn catchy!
` Surely I have more favorite songs than that... hey, what's that strange sound? Who's that giggling? Wow, it's Doc Cox... or is that Ivor Biggun? And he has something to tell us all:


When Mum locked me in the coal shed,
After the incident, with the chainsaw and the latex rabbit,
And the girl guides and the tent,
She fed me poundcakes under the door,
She gave me a radio!
I drool and smile and swivel that dial to the Doctor Demento Show!
I've stayed tuned in for twenty years,
But now it's plain as plain,
Oh, come on, Mum, and let me out!
Compared to 'im, I'm sane!

(Singing:)
Well, bless my little pointed head, I'm howling at the moon,
I'm nutty as a fruitcake when the Doctor plays my tune!
Dementions and Dementites from Saint Lou to Sacramento,
Know the weirdo with the beardo that the kids all call Demento!
Listen each week, and ya might just freak, and your senses will grow dim!
You'll hit that crackpot jackpot, and end up just like him!
Calling all the funny farms, it's crazy time again,
Bring out the beer, the doctor's here to scramble up your brain!
Oh-oh-oh-oh, he's the guy, the reason why your funnybone was invented,
If you're inclined to lose your mind, well, let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee auu! Doctor Dementauu!

He's the chap that Norman Bates would take home to 'is mum!
With songs about dead puppies, and fish heads, *eat up, yumm!*
Crazy words and Crazy Tunes, Spike Jones and a little bit of Punk Bear,
He don't give a $#%@ about Middle of the Road unless there's a dead skunk there!
Flo and Eddie, Cheech and Chong, and discs that won't go Platinum,
Sung by folks that they keep locked up so other folks can't get attythem!
Calling all the crazy houses, every padded cell!
I've run amok, I'm Donald Duck, *Napoleon, as well!*
My-my-my radio brings me that show that keeps me so contented!
I'm King of the Zulus, I've got a screw loose, let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee auu! Doctor Dementauu!

Exacaly A to Zackaly, it's Barnes and Barnes the goons,
Steve Martin, Shaving Foam and National Lampoon!
*They're coming to take me away, ha ha!* a geek with a neck like a pencil!
Monty Python, Loudon Wainwright, Gumby, Ogden Edsl.
Zappa and Elvira, and Weird Al Yankovic(h),
It goes to show that Demento is one weird son of a %*$#!
Callin' all around the world, it's time to get Delerious!
Try Dr. D! And then you'll see! *You cannot be serious!*
If you complain that he's insane, 'e'd be so complimented!
Don't touch that dial, go hogwild! Let's all get Demented!
Dee ee em ee en tee auu! Doctor Dementauu!


` What a special little boy that Ivor Biggun is. I'm glad he didn't sing any crazy wanking songs this time. And yet, even this is sticking in my brain!
` Alas, for the good old days, when Mr. Yankovic was the only person I knew who sang crazy songs...



Do you remember sweet Michelle?
She was my high school romance.
She was fun to talk to and nice to smell,
So I took her to the homecoming dance.

Then I tied her to a chair and shaved off all her hair,
And I left her in the desert all alone.
Well, sometimes in my dreams I can still hear the screams,
Oh, I wonder if she ever made it home?

I tell ya, those were the good old days!
Those were the good old days,
The years go by, but the memory stays,
And those were the good old days.
Lemme tell ya buddy...


` Um, yeah. Keep that 'Weird Al' psycho away from me! Anyway, I've got a psychiatrist appointment to walk to, so I don't wind up like him. Catch ya later!

2 comments:

Galtron said...

Hey, I've been looking for a decent Calcium Assay... I say, calcium must be controlled, before it kills us all!

S E E Quine said...

` Oh, Galtron, that's just people with Lou Gherig's disease, not 'us all'.

` Unless you know something I don't...