` Wow! I've been saving this gem since August 19!
` This is Cattain Niyu of the ZarrShip Enter Foraprize. If anyone gets this message, they will know that this is a grim day for Lieutenant Myeer and myself. Since we first crashed on this bizarre alien world, we have been becoming more and more certain that we shall never return to our home planet.
` On a side note, I feel more and more each day somehow responsible for the Lieutenant's strong nip habit and allowing her to pilot the shuttlecraft, so it's becoming easier for me to be forgiving.
` We have finally salvaged our survival manual, So, You've Crashed on a Bizarre Alien Planet?, though Myeer reports that she cannot find anything of use.
` I also think it's about time I mentioned that I've long suspected we really aren't alone in this place, that we are being watched by beings unseen. But I can only keep my eyes peeled for so long.
` Myeer promised me that she would keep watch for me at the base of my lookout if I dozed off.
` I took her up on that deal.
` I must admit; surviving on an alien planet saps one's energy more than slammon farming.
` Though I know we are being watched ourselves, I cannot seem to find just what or where the watchers are. Every once in a while, though, I find some sign of civilization. For example, not far from where our shuttle crashed is what appears to be a tapestry with some bizarre symbol embroidered on it.
` I cannot make out what the symbol is, however as I've commented to Myeer, climbing on the object it hangs on seems to be a good way to get high without being seen.
` Myeer thought that was the best joke on this new planet.
` I rephrased that; the tapestry is the perfect way to scale a wall under cover - except for when the tapestry shifts out from over me. In any case, I found that the top of the object makes a good watchtower - so I named it the Watchtower.
` From that vantage point, I discovered a new species we now call 'jribbles'. The one I spotted scuttling behind an oblivious Myeer was an easy target and I alerted her to its presence.
` Soon, we chased it over to our shuttlecraft and cornered it.
` It was no problem to snuff the life from this alien, and as I was about to open it up, I discovered another jribble, so I killed that one, too. I should mention just how easy it was to crush them to death - they didn't even have limbs or teeth to defend themselves with!
` While Myeer was eating the other one, I gave myself a congratulatory scratch on the back.
` As I ate the jribble savagely, I thought to myself; 'that's what we are! We are savages in a new land!'
` I even washed my hands in an uncivilized fashion.
` After we were done devouring the marshmallow-flavored aliens, we stowed our utility collars in the crashed shuttle and found a safe niche in which we are currently lodging in.
` Update: Our situation has now took a strange turn of events. After our nap I found that the light had an eerie, unnatural incandescent quality to it. Sensing that the watchers were now closer, I climbed the Watchtower. I saw nothing, though a strange feeling of playfulness had taken over me for no apparent reason.
` I began chasing my tail and almost fell from the top!
` What strange and malicious magic has possessed me on this planet, I cannot say, but I seem to be progressively affected by Motion Blur Sickness. What is it caused by, I can't tell, and even from the ground Myeer was affected so badly that she exploded into her most violent frenzy of Motion Blur Sickness to date.
` I think she had been trying to tear apart some kind of odd plant and lick her own chest at the same time. She has been simultaneously playing and grooming a lot lately, and frankly, it scares me.
` The ante only upped from there: To my pale-nosed terror, a horrible, greasy pink and brown head appeared below me, looking up with frightening white eyes.
` The face belonged to an enormous, ugly, foul-smelling alien giant, which plucked me from my perch and felled the Watchtower with one stroke. To my great surprise, the alien gingerly set me down upon the ground once more, unscathed.
` "Myeer!" I cried, looking around frantically for the Lieutenant. "Where are you?"
` I heard her answer that she'd found a pillow.
` To my horror, I saw Myeer resting on another alien giant - this one bigger, uglier, pastier and more stinking than the first! The giant itself was lying on the felled Watchtower, which I found was itself was cushion-like as I cautiously crept closer.
` After realizing that the pink giant was unmoving and sluggish, even as I approached its potentially sensitive areas, I decided that it was more a couch than a threat.
` Soon, the other giant joined us and in an instant, the sky was dark. That was when we made our break and tore up and down the landscape, evading further capture. But they gave it up soon and fell asleep for the night.
` The next day broke gradually. The giants stirred and righted the Watchtower, as if nothing had disturbed it. The larger giant left altogether while the other lingered, I sensed, watching us from some distance.
` No longer fearing for my life, I climbed back up to the erected Watchtower and found myself chasing my tail once more.
` Myeer tried to join in my high-altitude romping, but ultimately discovered that she's not much of a climber.
` Nevertheless, she did seem to be possessed by the same urge as I was, so she began chasing her tail on the ground. This came to an abrupt end, however, when she stopped and began swatting behind a nearby rock. Then, a surprised expression took over her face and she began cursing.
` "What's wrong?" I asked.
` "It went behind this rock!" she cried.
` "Your tail is where you left it, Lieutenant!" I reminded her. "It's quite safe!"
` She turned around and to her amazement found that it was. "I thought it had gotten away for good!" she said.
` Maybe it was the newfound playfulness in me, but this remark of utter stupidity made me laugh for once.
` For the first time after the crash, my spirit had truly been lifted. All morning, in fact.
` After all, we survived the night on the alien planet. How many more can we live through? This is Cattain Niyu, signing out.
Friday, September 07, 2007
` Wow! I've been saving this gem since August 19!