Wednesday, October 18, 2006

A little something to keep you going until I post all the REAL madness!

` Besides running around in a corn field, dressed as the mad scientist I am, the past couple of weeks have been full of insane activities such as using candy to blow up cola and going to a festival of sausages - which I will show my loyal readers evidence of soon!
` But there is plenty more besides: Some of the other oddball things in my recent life include running along a near-vertical surface, being almost carried off by some rowdy young men, and several pirate cakes!
` Yes, pirate cakes, made by Cake Therapist!

` Mm-mmm good!
` I should also probably tell you that I have not stopped destroying calories at the YMCA - in fact, I have even gotten better at it! Finally, I've attained the level of fitness in which the exercise machines with heart rate detectors no longer declare me dead!
` And just for you, here's a lovely blurry Crappy Digital Photo (CDP) of me trying to beat Cheshire Human on the treadmill (look how much blurrier she is than I am!):

` I just can't seem to keep up!! Arrgh!
` I have also begun to lift weights (even so, Cheshire is already ahead of me in arm-strength!), and also X-Dan and I once accidentally discovered this totally retro, banked hardwood running track, which I've since lured Lou and Cheshire to.
` It's actually built on a catwalk above a workout room, so you can see classes going on down below! Don't trip....

` Because I'm a huge geek, I call it the Sonic the Hedgehog track because it's made so that one could run at an angle even without super-sonic speed!

` After chasing me around it for a while, Cheshire eventually wound up collapsing in a heap from exhaustion....

` That's what you get when you give me the runaround... and then I'll collapse on top of you!! Mua ha haaa!

` Let's see... what else has happened in the past few weeks that I did not already have a post planned for? Well, a couple Tuesdays ago, Cheshire and I met TallGuy at Crapplebee's. I mean, Applebee's... whatever.
` I only call it that because I like it.
` Strangely, she managed to find her cat ears, but her socks continued to evade her ten minutes after I had arrived at her residence. Where she was drunk because she didn't have anyone to hang out with at the time. Well! I showed her!!!

` So, in the grainy interior of Crapplebee's strange things happen. Especially to TallGuy, due to his hyperness. In fact, at one point he shot both his arms through one shirt sleeve in the middle of a weirdness fit.

` Also, while I was admiring something on the table, he mysteriously appeared across the table, trying to lick me or some such nonsense. By the time his weirdness fit had begun to wane, he wound up with guacamole all over his face. You can see some on his forehead here....

` Personally, I think he was just trying to show off the fact that his Spontaneous Outlandishness Powers are far more powerful than mine! And just when we thought that things couldn't get any more strange, we converged at his house and wound up laughing at an Anime called Bleach because it was... well... hard to take serious, shall I say?

` And then we watched him roughhouse with his dog, Sugar, and tell her that he was going to throw her to the tigers or something like that. Hooray!

` Cruelty!! (But not as cruel as my friend Artie Barnes!) What's strange is that the next day, I went to Chevron and could not get my credit card to work. And so, I became frustrated and bolted across the street to Safeway... with my gas cap still on top of my trunk! I didn't realize this until I had parked at the pump and got out.
` I voiced my surprise at this to the woman with the white truck who had just pulled up. And then I noticed the that the truck looked familiar, and that she looked an awful lot like TallGuy, and that the dog in the truck was in fact Sugar!
` He's a cross dresser! No, not really. Actually, I said; "You're [TallGuy]'s mom, aren't you?" Indeed, not only was she her, she somehow recognized me through some kind of Outlandish Powers of her own....

` Speaking of cars and mishaps, would you believe that one day, Lou's truck suffered a flat tire in the parking lot due to a large screw. Apparently, the truck became irate and released some of Lou's construction screws right where my car was about to park.
` ...Or not. Actually, we suspect that someone at whatever crack party was going on downstairs the other day was responsible for spilling the screws everywhere. Just as they are responsible for further uglifying our lawn by throwing toilet paper and garbage out the windows....
` Either way, a screw was stuck in my tire the next day!! It was fun to change and get repaired before going to the Y yesterday. Lou was actually going to help me, but he had gone with a co-worker over to the trailer of a former co-worker I'll call 'Danky' who had gone AWOL and totally disappeared from view! He has disconnected his phones, and his girlfriend said she didn't know where he'd gone to!
` Of course, he had not skipped town, neither had he been kidnapped or murdered. In fact, they found him in a perfectly stereotypical trailer trash scene - Danky was wearing a wife-beater and his immense, lump of dough girlfriend was really mouthy. He said it all was quite incredible.
` Since it turns out that Danky not only owes his former boss $500, but has stolen $1,500 worth of construction tools, he is in trouble and is in need of having someone steal it back. In fact, at this moment, the former boss man, a guy with a gun, and a hired goon of some sort are in the process of confronting Danky!
` They might have to beat him up and possibly dodge bullets. If they are successful, however, it will be up to Danky to call the cops - and because he was the one who stole all the tools, he'd be stupid to try!

` Sadly, since I have no amusing pictures that have anything to do with this exciting saga of events, I'll show you this damned blurry Crappy Digital Instamatic Photo I took instead:

` Northern Comfort Maple Syrup - meant to look a great deal like Southern Comfort Whiskey! While a shot of this won't get you drunk, it'll sure give you a sugar high!

` Ha ha ha haaa! That was almost funny! Which reminds me, I made a really bad food-oriented joke the other day when I bought 6oz of cranberry blue cheese. It didn't have a price on it, but when I purchased it, I found that it cost about $5.47! Thaaaat's a bit. So I said; "This better be damn good cheese!" And, would you know? It wasn't! And Lou, being such a cheese conneseur, was so disgusted after one bite that he said I could have all the rest of it!
` So you can take it from me: You get more cheese and better taste for your money if you buy Hellboy on DVD! (A.K.A. Big Red and the Cornball Family Meet the Squid-Puppies.)
` Oh my god, I just discovered a blog by this guy who is working on the animated Hellboy! Finally, a suitable format! Either that or a waste of money....

` By now I realize, I am rambling on about nothing and should really get back to spackling - my new favorite pasttime!


Anonymous said...

I think tallguy was distracted by something on the left of the opposite seat, since he appears to be averting his eyes to his left.

cassie d said...

i dig the banked running track!
looks like you might just run around so fast you end up in the center - which is off the side!

those cakes are a great idea for halloween! i might have to try and recreate one!

- so Northern Comfort? I think that will be my Christmas gifts this year! That's so HIlarIouS!

S E E Quine said...

` Indeed... so he wasn't checking out my crotch....

` Yeah, you have to make sure you don't run too fast....

Anonymous said...

Living in the fast lane, I see.

Aaron said...

Occasionally I see canuks in the bars around here pounding down the maple syrup. Most of the time I join in, but I should stay away from that kind of 'hard stuff'.

"These boys get that syrup in 'em, they get all antsy in their pantsy." - What movie is that?

S E E Quine said...

` Super Troopers?

Galtron said...

Cool running track! I wish there was a whole race course with twists and turns like those!
I wonder if anyone has ever made one that goes in a little loop-de-loop, or would people not be able to go that fast? I once saw someone do that on a bike, though.

And you never told us......... did they beat up Danky?

S E E Quine said...

` Not that I know of. But they did 'steal' some of the tools back.

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