Must... get... ripped!

` One word describes how I've been feeling (mentally and physically) about my being out of shape for the past few months. But, since I cannot spell that word, here's a different way to express it:

` Yaaaah! Behold my dewlap! You see, I've gotten a tiny bit flabby (gained 20 pounds) while I was on the Square Patch for Mutant Prevention. Not only do many of my pairs of pants not fit; the softness and squishiness of my body is also rather annoying.
` Sure, I haven't gotten any less hot, but I am also unmistakeably soft. And it really bothers me when I'm not wearing pants and my thighs rub together all jiggly-like and it drives me crazy and, rrrrgh, I have to put on pants!

` Don'tcha just hate having to put on pants? ;)

` That's why Lou and I joined the YMCA yesterday and we've dragged Book Listener... I mean... uh... Frog Blood... I mean... Spiffy Spork... or... Cheshire Kitten... something or other! along with us earlier today.
` We are gonna work out 'til we drop, oh yeah! And tomorrow I'm bringing Jake... I mean, Dandruff... I mean, X-Dan, with us!
` I can't wait!!!
` Otherwise, I have been trying to keep myself in shape, I really have. Par exempli, for the past several months my diet has not been particularly fattening:
` Usually for breakfast I have toast and peanut butter or something similar. For lunch I sometimes have a burrito with lots of black beans and fresh veggies, or perhaps a sandwich. Or sometimes I skip lunch and have a few snacks such as bowls of raw green beans, peanut-buttery things with all kindsa things in 'em known as 'food bars', and quite often, something better than yogurt called kefir.
` These things are generally low-sugar and low-fat, though once I tried Water Buffalo yogurt and nearly died from creaminess.
` For dinner, I may eat anything from sushi to grilled fish (yes, I generally don't mind eating cold-blooded creatures nowadays) to monster vegetarian dishes or sometimes just some breaded Gardenburger chik'n patties (tastes - and feels - like chicken!) dipped in mustard or spaghetti sauce.
` Sometimes for dinner I'll make the hugest spinach salads with pickled onions, artichokes, broccoli, yellow peppers and 1/2 fat Feta, and dressing with flax oil added. Because I just happen to have some. Or, sometimes, I'll make us both (and last time, Brad, too) some nice spaghetti with plenty of peppers and Textured Vegetable Protein.
` Yum-E!
` And then, of course I make sure to walk at least two miles every day - or at least jog 1/2 mile - I've taken up 'attempting to lift weights' and I even at least think about doing karate each day.
` ...Yet I've continued to gain weight in the past month!!! I cannot fit into a lot of my pants, and if I can't curb this, I'm going to actually get... fat!
` Thankfully, I have vanquished the Square Patch!

` For those of you who do not perceive me as being at all flabby... well, ya gotta really look. My flab is most apparent when I grab ahold of....

` Er... it's a bit thick here. *Ahem* When I grab ahold of it like so:

` Yeah, baby! And just look at my arm:

` And my extremely sexy, tanned belly....

` Take a good look - no hard surfaces anywhere! (Except possibly in the pants of some guys....) It's so grotesque that the button on my 'fat pants' popped again (remember the fat pants, Dawn?). And for some reason Lou found it amusing to add his hand to the picture:

` ...Okay, the button actually pops off from time to time because I am not talented at sewing it back on.
` You may think I am quite thin - indeed, so do I - but I really hate the soft, squishy feeling of flab. It drives me nuts!!!
` And so, Lou, Cheshire (or whatever) and I went to the Y and burned lots of fun calories while killing ourselves! Unfortunately, Lou could only work out at short intervals because he was trying not to sweat in his cast.
` Of the three of us, I think I exercised the longest. Like my hot workout getup? I think there were some guys staring at my shorts....

` Oh yeah! ...I'll probably induce many a sexual fantasy by going to the Y... and I probably already have. Well, I'll take more pictures as I become hotter and more muscular.