Wednesday, August 30, 2006

How each -ism relates to 'shit'

` This post is very old, and it simply begins with these... um... sloagans I found in an internet document that was titled:

RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD (And then some!)

Taoism: Shit Happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens Rama Rama Ding Ding.
Hinduism: This Shit Happened Before.
Islam: If Shit Happens, Take A Hostage. (!?)
Zen: What Is The Sound Of Shit Happening?
Buddhism: When Shit Happens, Is It Really Shit?
Confucianism: Confucius Say, "Shit Happens."
7th Day Adventist: Shit Happens On Saturdays.
Protestanism: Shit Won't Happen If I Work Harder.
Catholicism: If Shit Happens, I Deserve It.
Jehovah's Witness: Knock, Knock, "Shit Happens."
Unitarian: What Is This Shit?
Mormon: Shit Happens Again & Again & Again.
Judaism: Why Does This Shit Always Happen To Us?
Rastafarianism: Let's Smoke This Shit.
Southern Baptist: Send Us Money And Shit Won't Happen.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Hedonism: There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Moon Children: Would You Like To Buy Some Shit?
Stoicism: This Shit is Good For Me.
Zoroastrianism: Shit only happens half the time.
Christian Science: Shit is in Your Mind.
Environmentalism: You produce shit, so you have to eat it.
Socialism: Sorry, we are out of shit today.

` I have since compiled another list for your amusement:

NON-RELIGIONS OF THE WORLD

Skepticism: The shit that happens is more important than the shit people want to believe.
Agnosticism/Atheism: When shit happens, the existence of God is not important.
Humanism: Shit happens, and we can handle it ourselves.

Frisbeetarianism: Shit happens, then you're stuck on a roof.
Pastafarianism: The Flying Spaghetti Monster makes it look like shit happened in the past.
IPU: An Invisible Pink Unicorn (may her hooves never be shod) is responsible for all shit, and we cannot prove it.

New Age Magical Thinking: All shit happens because you created it.

Raƫlians: Aliens will protect us from shit happenings.
Scientology: Shit won't happen if we exterminate the aliens.
Heaven's Gate: Shit will happen until you rid yourself of mind and body.
People's Temple: Shit is happening to us; everybody kill each other!
Aum Shinri Kyo: Shit is happening to us; kill everybody else!
The Family: Shit is happening to the environment: We must end the world!
Branch Davidians: Shit is happening because we must end the world!
Solar Temple: Shit is happening; let us escape by burning to death!

` ...Hmm. It's kinda sad how that's deteriorated. Nevertheless, I think it's kinda funny. ...But perhaps that is because it's late and I'm delirious.

4 comments:

Galtron said...

Well I think it's funny. Then again, I'm highly caffeinated.

S E E Quine said...

` That just figures.

cassie d said...

ahhh...
how i love Pasafarianism!!!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.