Friday, March 31, 2006

Poetry and Perversion

` This is a post that ‘Jonathan’ from Ohio (master of Double Entandres) might appreciate most of all.
` As for those of you who seek new items full of Science and Wackmobiles, I hear that Dr. Nociceptor has been having a lot of that going on lately.

` I, however, have no time for such intellectual things.

` Anyway… yesterday, after shelf-shopping with Nympho, we met up with Phil in his fast Subaru Impreza in order to sort out our Sprint accounts.
` What’s funny is that she wasn’t really interested in Phil, though Phil was asking her if she had a boyfriend and whatnot, though she didn’t hear this from the backseat. Next time he brings up Nympho, I may tell him just how tainted she has been via myself and especially my very good superhero friend, Lou Ryan.
` Then, I am sure, he won’t care to pursue her anymore. In any case, if Nympho and I should simultaneously encounter Phil again, we both had the idea to start making out in front of him just to get the point across.
` Believe it or not, that might actually be a good thing.

` Later on, at poetry reading, my red-hot flaming perverted tendencies became most notable. I read my ‘True DadStory’ song, other people read their poems, most notably Nova (her real name) as she is most awesome at this art!
` After this, we were asked to write a poem about the paintings on the walls of Zippy’s in the space of five minutes.
` In the interim, I shouted to Cheerleader to ‘run’ before several of the poets held her hostage and sang ‘Happy Birthday’, Xenophon using his most lovely metallic voice.
` Now, Xenophon is using that voice to read a most insane and gory poem, trembling and filled with sound effects. Oddly, it turns out that Lou Ryan has actually encountered Xeno before (at the YMCA) and was greatly horrified by his strange and demented behavior.
` I told Xeno this at one point and he said; “Awesome.”
` And, as I seem to be the only other person finished with a poem, I shall read it for everyone:

Who are you strange, distorted folk?
They almost make me want to choke.
Perhaps you are charming bloke?
Even though you may be broke.
Up and down the street I prance.
I have my own country, it’s in my pants.
Does anyone have such fascination
With visiting my foreign nation?
Wow! How did this poem get so perverted?
Alas, apparently I’ve been converted
To join the strange faces of the geeks
And become one of them, one of the freaks.

` Sad but true. And now, this one half-Japanese guy is freestyling about the painting over my couch, called ‘Girl of Nothingness’. Whoa! He is so good at that!
` Who else has a poem to read? “Buehler… Buehler…” Well, maybe not him, though now Cheerleader is timidly approaching the microphone despite its metal-phallicness. Next up is Xeno and The Greyhound and his hyper girlfriend - yes, he has one of those, too! They are reciting a duet poem about blood, clowns, flying monkeys, hypochondriacs and other freaky things.
` And did I mention that Nova rawks? Here she is at it again! Wow, she is amazing!!! I must get to know her much better. I’m still trying to come up with a good nickname for her… hmm. What’s funny is that she looks a lot like a certain sarcastic cartoon character!
` Right now, I am joking with Dandruff (a guy whose shoulders were lightly dusted) about blemishes. He says that one day I will find meaning in my moles. Also, he has a really great idea: As Lou Ryan sleeps sitting on the couch for part of the night due to muscle pain, he has developed a really bad case of acne on his gluteal area. So, while Lou Ryan is asleep on his stomach, we shall break into his apartment, pull down his pants, and play ‘Connect the Pimples! I’ve always wondered what design might emerge from that….

` Awww, now, after all of this fun, Nympho, Dandruff, Some Tall Guy, and I converged outside, at which time Dandruff noticed a prowling police officer whose small (but not tiny) penis he had once glimpsed at the Y.
` Shortly afterwards, we all linked elbows and skipped all the way down the block and across the street before losing cohesion in front of the Everett Event Center (where an Everett Event was evidently going on, which is why I had to leave my car at home).
` The Tall Guy had to catch a bus, so the rest of us stopped by my place. I gave Dandruff the grand tour of my 7x12 closet (which he had pretended to demand) and then we took off with my Human Flesh Bound Gilded Notebook and a CD by my Lumanian friends, Art and Artie Barnes.
` (As some of you may recall, Artie once told me that I might visit him in my underwear.)
` Good times! Unfortunately, as an Intimidating Beast was hulking around in the living room, we jaunted off outside and took a really long walk.
` I didn’t bring my HFBGN to write down the many events that went on, though I thought of an even more fun way to document them:

` A game called ‘Double-Entendre Memory!’

` From the beginning, we Disseminated a Dandelion * orally violated an Inhaling Apparatus * Straddled a Creepy-Crawly Crustacean * were unexpectedly interrogated by the Aforementioned Naked Police Officer with a Small Penis * Saw a Rat being orificicated * Heard the ravenous cries of Horny Toads * a signpost was ‘FRIENDLY’ to us * fellated a Phallic Robot * Rain splashed over us and came in our eyes * rubbed up against one another * a Little Star told us to use our heads (I still have it!) * we broke the law by playing with Children’s Equipment * slid headfirst down a Wet, Wiggly Tube * were thrown left and right and Our Pants became wet at the same time * rode on a Moaning, Groaning, Vibrating Device (while Dandruff threw apart his legs, hung on for dear life, yelling ‘Oh, [Spoony]! Faster! Oh, faster!’) * we mounted a Slicked Up, Snarling Green Beast (at both the head and the rear) * swung both ways on Alternately Soft and Hard Surfaces * became very close in a Small Car * took a spin on a Large, White Pole, thrusting from between a Man’s Legs, after which he squirted us in the face * watched through a Window * fondled a Long, Hard Red Thing in my pocket that squirts fluid * went down under the Administrators * penetrated a College * witnessed Gushing Liquid * saw a Small Girl grasping at sexual organs * and then purposely came in the Back Door.

` …All without so much as groping one another or seeing anything that was in any way sexual! Although now I must say, Dandruff is now bent double in front of Nympho while she massages him - though, this does not technically count as groping. It’s therapeutic. No, really! It is!
` And yes, the police officer wasn’t actually naked; this time he merely pulled his car up, got out, and asked us if Dandruff was a runaway. That was good news, because I thought we were in for a jaywalking warning!
` Well, I know that ‘Mad’ Dr. Nociceptor has had a lot of fun things on her blog to make up for my lack of intellectual content, so do not despair in the absence of such things on this blog! (I’m just really busy, you know?)
` In closing… I think I’m someday going to get this shirt [wait - that's not the Perv Shirt!] (as worn by Jack the Plaid)! Also, I may play the piano tonight at Wired and Unplugged, so… hooray for me!

` Garr! There are people talking and babies crying around me and I must finish this post later on.

` There. Finished. Well, got to get back to another strange and perverted weirdo, and at about 19:15, I'm going to be playing the piano! Ah, how I love exposing my... musical talents!

` UPDATE: I rawked! This woman even came up to me and told me about the fact that I have the 'beginnings of stage presence'. Cool! So that's what that is?


Galtron said...

I liked your other 'diary-type' post a lot!!!
...Word of advice: Try to keep your HFBGN writing style the same as it was last time!

S E E Quine said...

` Uh... I know that quality (and style) does vary depending on how well I can organize my thoughts.
` Please keep in mind, however, that I have severe time-constraints nowadays, and that being careful is not always possible.

` Perhaps I shall slack off on writing my blog and spend more time writing other things that do not lead to the Great Goal of Instant Gratification?

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