Wednesday, March 29, 2006

An evening in the life of me

` We never have had anything like this before, have we? I have both a short narrative from my Human Flesh-Bound Gilded Notebook (HFBGN), and a bunch of pictures from my Crappy Digital Camera, lovingly de-red-eyed with Microsoft "Crappy" Paint and otherwise altered in Microsoft "Crappy" Photo Editor.
` Well! Despite all the crappiness, I would guess that those of you who are out of touch with my life might find this at least a bit interesting.

` This story starts last night, when I first got over to Nympho's house. As she had left to pick up her mother, and the only person in the living room, Adorable Gay Hottie, answered the door. After about a minute of chatting, he told me; “Sorry if it smells funny in here. [Xenophon] and I had sex on the couch.”
` I said; “Oh, that sounds tasty.”
` Which I imagine it was… for Xenophon.
` Soon after, he went out back to smoke a delicious-smelling Black Cigarette of Deadly Cloves, where we talked about all kinds of wonderful and/or perverted things. Here is Adorable Gay Hottie with his Black Cigarette and Nympho’s cat, Phoenix, who had temporarily escaped to prowl around the yard.

` The shirt is a 'trophy' from a straight guy! Anyway, soon after Nympho returned with her mother, we joked around for a while, being all crazy with Hats that Take Over One’s Mind. This one has red, fuzzy balls:

` This type of thing may explain why Xenophon has such am odd and variable voice, especially when talking about gaming scenarios and other things: It gets really crazy when he goes into Demonic Mode.

` After it was clear that Nympho was not going to leave the side of Dead Fetus Guy for whatever Stoic reason, Adorable, Xenophon and I decided to set out for Jesus’ house – Xeno making all kinds of crazy Tasmanian devil-type noises along the way. There was much walking and insanity involved, and thankfully, this was the point.

` Once we got to the Abode of Jesus, we met his mom, ‘Mary’ Margaret, and she gave us some Evil Packaged Cookies (EPCs)! (Evil, you see, because they are packaged.)
` This picture was taken not far from our departure from there – by the Gas Station of Despair - and as you can see, Xeno is currently in Demonic Possession of the EPCs.

` The Evil Packaged Cookies cannot escape the Grasp of Xenophon!

` And you, dear readers, cannot escape the Grip of my Hypnotic Gaze!

` No, no! I was kidding! Come back! (Behold my HFBGN!)

` It wasn’t long before Xeno found a small Metal Rod of some sort and began making sparks with it on the street. Whee!

` Here, Adorable Gay Hottie is beholding Xenophon’s Rod, while doing a good job of Demonically Possessing the EPCs.

` It’s not at all clear how this came up, but I’d written down; ‘Santa is my home boy’. I’m willing to bet that it was one of Jesus’ crazy quotes.
` That crazy Jesus…. I appear to be puzzled by something he’s said in this photo.

` Either that, or it had something to do with what Xeno was doing to the Metal Rod… I know it’s a horrible photo, though you can see that the Mists of No Good were creeping up on us somewhere around Tower Street.

` And in case it was not clear enough, Xenophon had somehow Transformed his Metal Rod into an Ampersand of Doom!

` As we approached Nympho’s street, she came out of the Darkness to greet us.

` When we had all filed safely inside, I heard an Ominous Fluttering Noise by my ear. Brushing my hair back in confusion, I felt an Irritating Sting near one of my carpals! I looked down and screamed when I glimpsed some kind of horrible red-eyed creature that appeared to be half-wasp, half-mosquito!
` Unfortunately, the loathsome beast escaped into the depths of the living room, leaving my wrist to remain red for about a half hour. Nymphomaniac promised me she’d avenge my wound, as she was quite shocked that a monster of such form could possibly reside in her dwelling without her knowledge!

` It wasn’t long before all of us had decided to go to Denny’s together. (It’s about the only place open after 19:00 hours in Everett!) At this time, poor, stoic Dead Fetus Guy had dragged himself out of bed, out the door… and right into the path of my camera!
` I know, you can’t see the dead fetus in that picture because his hair is so long and luxurious.

` Just before that photo had been taken, I recall that Xeno was growling and screeching a lot and had fallen down on the lawn, apparently dead except for the fact that he said he’d kick anyone in the face who dared to defile his corpse.
` I mentioned that I was rather surprised he wouldn’t want anyone to defile his corpse, though Nympho pointed out to me that he probably would like to be defiled, though kicking someone in the face is something that he’d rather do even more!
` And this is what my HFBGN suggests as my next CDC photo caption: ‘I am currently in the backseat of a car with Xenophon, Adorable Gay Hottie and Jesus.’ I’d have to add, however, that I happened to be sitting directly in between Xeno’s legs.

` He seemed quite enthralled with this idea. Even Adorable didn’t mind it when I grabbed onto him in order to keep myself from slamming into Xeno’s skull – which Xeno informed me would probably hurt.
` Finally, however, we reached our goal of Denny’s – Where Everyone Knows Your Name at Any Time of Night!

` Says my HFBGN; “Now we’re at Denny’s and Adorable Gay Guy and Xenophon have wandered out of the door, and Dead Fetus Guy is for some reason still standing outside. Too bad they aren’t exhibitionists. Their loss and ours. …Well, I looked around outside for Adorable and Xeno. One thing is for sure: They are not at the Battle of Little Big Stoic Bitch.”
` Thankfully, Adorable and Xeno had eventually returned from wherever the hell they had disappeared off to and we began to order some Not Very Healthy Food.
` According to my HFBGN, yet another crazy Jesus-quote had occurred in relation to not being able to finish a bowl of protein-filled substances: “’My protein requires assistance’… He also mistakenly drank some of my water. It is holy now.”

` What else did I write? “The chicken says ‘No’, but Adorable Gay Hottie says ‘Yes’, and he is the only one who matters, as the chicken is actually dead and cut up into tiny bits.
` As for Dead Fetus Guy, he eventually wandered back into the door for the very last scraps of the sampler platter we had shared. It wasn’t long before it was time to game! Break out the Geeking Records!

` So, the goggle-wearing mad scientist named Cassie ‘Nociceptor’ Nova was reborn with the added characteristics of being an undead creature with extraterrestrial tentacles! Is that geeky and distinctly erotic or what?
` She and this strange-looking creature are now actively plotting world domination, so you’d really better watch out!

` Fortunately for us, Jesus tends to fall asleep in a peaceful and secluded spot, away from the bloodshed and gore, and so he isn’t there stand in our way….

` By about two in the morning, however, most of us were falling asleep. (Thankfully, cappuccino refills are free!) In fact, my next photo happened to be of Dead Fetus Guy, showing most prominently his strange footwear. If you look closely, you can see a portion of his dead fetus hanging down from below his hand!

` In addition, the HFBGN reads: “We are so loved…. In Denny’s. On a side-note, Jesus’ body rejected the hat with the fuzzy balls.”
` Luckily, by the time the excitement (and strange voices issuing from Xeno) had abated, Nympho wasn’t too tired to drive us home, and so she drove us back to her house – except for Jesus, who had been in the middle of washing dishes when Xeno, Adorable and I had previously abducted him.

` Upon arriving home, Nympho detected and vanquished the half-wasp, half-mosquito monster using only a broom and the ceiling. Soon enough, though, it was time for Xeno and Adorable Gay Hottie to get some sleep (wink, wink), and so Nympho, Dead Fetus Guy and I retired to Nympho’s room, which has not been redecorated since she was six years old.
` In this Chamber of Grade School Art and Unspeakable Horrors of the Flesh, we spent hours doing nothing but sitting around Nympho’s bed, attempting to hypnotize one another with mixed results.
` It was really cool! Somehow, I got Dead Fetus Guy to see dinosaurs with weird, two-dimensional faces that continually changed expression at light speed.
` A strange and alienating vision indeed!

` At some point or another, Xeno came by the door, and I remember him reporting something really hot and tasty he and Adorable were doing. Then much later on, after the sun had risen, both of them came into the room to ”kill” as Xeno had put it, (on the PS2 or whatever the hell it was), until Nympho’s mom had left for work.
` Then, it was back to whatever the hell they had been doing before.
` Only after that did we fall asleep. Or did we….?

` Er… ah… I… uhhhh… I’ll leave it up to your imaginations. The more perverted of my readers will probably come up with some exceptionally interesting stories of which I may never experience the likes of.
` On a side note, when we got up today, Phoenix the cat was still curled up on a cardboard box just outside the bedroom door as he had been all night long!
` Weird!

` And terribly mundane, is it not?

` Well, anyway, Lou Ryan just called, and so I must go and get beer for him (he will pay me back, of course) and load this document and these refined pictures back into my digital camera so that I can upload it all onto BradUnitt’s PC.


Galtron said...

Oh! Let me guess what happened! You... [censored] with [censored]? That's what you did, isn't it?

Also, I think it's awesome that you can say "I'm not Christian, but I do know Jesus fairly well."

Also-also... can you take a picture of the dead fetus and perhaps get it to smile for the camera or something really scary like that?

Aaron said...

Yes Spoony! I didn't know you hung out with Jesus.

Hey, what are you girls doing in that last picture? Did you have the video camera running?

Amber said...

Uh, one of those people in the last picture is NOT a girl....

Denny said...

eh eh eh i believe i will keep this comment to myself

S E E Quine said...

` Right you are, Amber... the last picture is actually of me with Nympho and Dead Fetus Guy (without his glasses) in Nympho's bed.

` Even so, I don't think that Aaron would really care.

` We weren't doing anything that involved being naked or videotaped.

Galtron said...

Awww... so you didn't [censored]?

J. Bongwater said...

Ah yes... Denny's in Everett.

Such sweet memories of lost youth.

Anyway, I am disappointed in the lack of visiting this weekend. But to show that I forgive, here is a lovely picture of... er, Nympho. At Denny's even!


cassie d said...

i loved this post! i love seeing pics of all your peeps!

but i especially liked your story with pictures. unfortunately, those are the only books i read.

like when i read Moby Dick in college, and i bought the illustrated version instead!


S E E Quine said...

` Yes!! I wish all books had pictures in them! Then, perhaps, I would read more important literary works!

` And Ril... I mean... J. Bongwater... how did you take such a decent picture of Nympho? You can barely see the mouth-foam!!
` As she doesn't normally photograph well, I think she would really be thrilled to see this if she hasn't already!

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