Friday, September 23, 2005

Darn you, Doctor D.!

` Ever since I listened to a fairly recent episode of The Doctor Demento Show, I've had this really, really hyper Danny Elfman song from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory going through my head. It's the one called "Mike Teavee", the kid who as I recall from the older movie, was obsessed with television and wound up getting himself shrunk to the size of a naked mole rat.
` These are the lyrics (as far as I can tell) that may give you an idea as to what's been going through my brain all this time, slowly and deliciously driving me a happy little shade of crazy:
` (By the way, the style strongly reminds me of The Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, which is another song I've memorized out of insanity...)

(A fast beat, rhythmic, hyperventilating noises, strings, and electric guitar.)

The most important thing,
That we've ever learned,
The most important thing we've learned
As far as children are concerned,
Is never, never let them near,
(Never, never let them!)
The television set!
(Never, never let them!)
Or better still, just don't install
The idiotic things at all!

Aa-ah aa-ah, (Never, never let them!)
Aa-ah aa-ah, (Never, never let them!)
Aa-ah aa-ah, aa-ah aa-ah, aa-ah aa-ah, aa-ah aa-ah,
Aa-ah! Aa-ah! Aa-ah! Aa-ah!
(Never, never let them!)
(Never, never let them!)

It rots the senses in the head!
It keeps imagination dead!
It clogs and clutters up the mind!
It makes a child so dull and blind!
(So dull! And blind! So dull! And blind!)
He can no longer understand
A fairy tale of fairy-land!
(Of fairy-land! Of fairy-land!)
His brain becomes as soft as cheese,
His thinking powers rust and freeze,
He cannot think, he only seeeeees!
(He only sees! He only sees!)
(Electric guitar riff, then the music abruptly slows:)

Regarding little Mike Teavee,
We very much regret that we
(Regret that we...)
(Music speeds up again:)
Shall simply have to wait and see!
(Wait! And see! Wait! And see!
Wait! And see! Wait! And see! Wait! And see!)
We very much regret that we
Shall simply have to wait and see
If we can get him back his height,
But if we can't, (Caa-aa-aa-aan't!)
It serves him right!

` Yay! Madness! That's Danny Elfman for you. He and that Tim Burton fellow, I tell ya, they're an unstoppable duo of creepiness and... quirkiness, I guess.
` Seriously, wasn't Charlie and the Chocolate Factory rated PG, partly for 'quirky situations'? That's an actual ratings criterium?
` I suppose if I'd watched that movie, I would understand...

` I'm working on a really big, rather skepticy post, by the way. Hope you like spiders!


Galtron said...

Them TV's. Hey, I've heard part of that song somewhere...

irish/turkish chic said...

interesting. passed couple days north eastern ohio feels seattle, wa. i never been there but u know what i mean light rain.

cassie d said...

i wonder what the definition of "quirky situations" is in the Rating Dictionary.

do they have a rating for the first movie "undenialy creepy midgets painted orange"? That should've made it PG-13.

cassie d said...

and did you hear that the guy who played all the oompa loompas claimed to have been in the first movie, only to be proven wrong on an interview with the actual remaining oompa loompas? They said they never even saw him before.
What a weirdo! Why would you say that when it's so easy to be proven wrong?!
Not the brightest crayon in the box....

S E E Quine said...

` !!! Heehee! So, only the new Oompa-Loompas were also Creepedy-Gordeepedies? You know, I remember seeing/hearing that Gordeep was in the first Chocolate Factory movie, and I was wondering why that wasn't in his filmography - though he HAS been in a lot of other things! In fact, it looks like he was also the man who was clobbered in the head while puppeteering Jabba the Hutt's tail! (I wonder if little short people get hit on the head a lot? Maybe that's it?)
` 'Cause, if HE REALLY SAID he was in the first Willy Wonka movie... well, you know what they say about people who once worked inside of giant, evil alien's butts who go on to play a thousand clones of themselves, lip-synching to Danny Elfman's singing...

Galtron said...

Yeah, they're a bit strange. But according to this web page, the guy in the Hutt's butt was Mike Edmonds.

Roka Preliumtarn said...


S E E Quine said...

` Yes, there I go slacking off again, not bothering to look for who was in Jabba's hutt-butt...

` Gah... that just sounds bad.