Sunday, June 11, 2006

I straightened my antenna.... and now, Goody Stewart is burning!

` ...And now I'm back online, sponging off of illegitimate internet once again! For a few days there, I thought we were going to have to actually purchase internet service! Wouldn't that be crazy? Turns out the antenna got moved somehow, and most of the time my computer could barely even find the server, so I couldn't even check my email!
` Just now, I moved the antenna slightly and suddenly I got a solid signal!
` Because I'm in such a good mood, I'm playing Roy Zimmerman songs. And I just happen to have a draft about one Roy Zimmerman song about how the republicans were blowing Martha Stewart's stock market crime out of proportion.
` Here it is:

` I always did like Ron Zimmerman's song Burn, Goody Stewart, Burn!, though I never did understand what 'Goody' referred to. Apparently, it means uses the term 'Goody' to refer to a convicted witch: In the Salem witch trials, most of the women were low-ranking, referred to as Goody, which meant 'Goodwife'. (For example, Goody Glover, Goody Bishop, Goody Hobbs, Goody Osburn, Goody Proctor, Goody Easty and the very witch-like Goody Good.)
` And with this realization, I post the lyrics of this delightful song. You can find it here... oh, wait, it's been removed, but at least they left 'Chickenhawk'. That's a good one, too!
` As I was saying, here are the lyrics..

We haven't caught Osama
We spoke a bit too rashly
He just released a video
With Mary-Kate and Ashley

He's there in all the tabloids
He's on a box of Wheaties
Yet, in this War on Terror
We have caught a few HVTs
(that's "high value targets")

We're cracking down on cancer-stricken stoners
And insidious independent bookstore owners
Not to mention dangerous ImCloners
And self-reliant women who are Democratic donors

Burn, Goody Stewart, Burn!
Burn, Goody Stewart, Burn!
You know, we love to nail 'em
Just like they did in Salem

The prosecutor knows what a snap it'll be
To prove you are a witch with a capital B
And then he'll spirit you away to your incarceration
Where you'll be privy to the latest inside information

We're sure when you unloaded all that stock you meant
To crumple each incriminating document
But a person of your gender
Might just as well surrender
And throw her reputation and career right in the blender

Burn, Goody Stewart, Burn!
Burn, Goody Stewart, Burn!
We know which witch is which in
The oven in hell's kitchen

Oh, yes, you're under a curse
A curse that only witchcraft could reverse
'Cause every single one of us could be charged with something worse
If you neuter us
Be-hooter us
And give us each a uterus and a purse

And yours is just another case of bait-and-switch
Until we catch the one who's really Satan's witch
We'd like to build a fire
On a pyre even higher
And put away the shrillest voice in all the shrewish choir

Burn, Goody Clinton, Burn!
(It's really Hillary)
Burn, Goody Clinton, Burn!
(We'd like to pillory)
The leader of the coven
We'd shove into the oven
And then we'll throw Heinz Kerry in
'Cause she ain't no librarian
Burn! Burn! Burn!

` It's pretty funny. Well, I'm going to spend some time writing some non-blog material, so hang in there!


Wed-nes-dau said...

So, am I to assume you are now 'wi-fi'? And what about the new mic? Does this mean you can talk on AOL IM now?
Keep me I know you're ok.

Hugs from
Wed-nes-day (the other 'goody' ;)

Galtron said...

Doesn't change the fact that Martha is a criminal..... but he's saying that Hillary is the one behind it and if Martha were a man she wouldn't have been treated as bad?

I guess that makes sense. I've tried to follow politics but I'm really tired of trying. It's nearly impossible.

cassie d said...

i was just going to ask about the wi-fi!

that's how i didn't pay for internet for 2 whole years! yipeeee!!!

S E E Quine said...

` That's why wi-fi is my friend!

` ...Amazingly, I hear that Snohomish is supposedly going to have free wi-fi service countywide!
` With all the people running out to get a wireless card, I wonder how that will affect the other ISP businesses?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.