Mua ha ha ha ha ha ha haaa! >:D

` I've been meaning to say this for a while, so I'll say it: I'm not really who you may think I am - you see, my alter-ego is this unassuming, attractive early-twentysomething. In fact, my real identity is closer to an evil comic book villain. I've been hiding it from everyone because it's so pathetic I can't stand it.

` In other words, I've been a Calculating Evil Closet Case all this time.

` Today I just thought I'd come clean, just so you all know what's happened to me if I suddenly seem to go insane.
` You see, my arch-nemesis is literally a mad doctor who - a couple years back - tortured me with a bone saw, ultimately twisting my mind, causing me to become this way, no matter what I do. It seems, the better my post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms are getting, the more strong are my urges to somehow... destroy the man who made me... more awful than I used to think I was beforehand!
` He has the daunting name of... Dr. Benninger!

` I don't much remember what he looks like anymore - as I have blocked it out of my memory - however, this picture oddly reminds me of him...
` You'd laugh if you'd met him... Trust me.
` Now, I do have the conviction that I'm really a very good person, even though, no matter what I do, I wake up screaming in terror each night (or at least hyperventilating) and my only solace is that I have the mind not to accidentally strangle Phil in his sleep. (You see, I'd tried to strangle Benninger once, only I was too weak to do anything more than scream expletives, writhe in agony, and cough up blood.)
` But instead of smashing random objects in anger, I fantasize profusely about doing such horrible acts as castrating Benninger with a hammer.
` Knowing him and other people who have encountered him, I figure that I cannot be the only one.
` I'd love to see him in jail, really, though unfortunately the legal system's glitches would almost certainly allow him to slip through, according to several lawyers. Depending on how good my evidence is, anyway.

` It is because of him that I've lost most of the feeling in my body - particularly in and around all of my bodily orifices - and it is because of him that I was sent to a mental hospital... well, him and some know-nothing who apparently told someone in the ER that I might have schizophrenia, 'because that couldn't have possibly happened to anyone'.
` The basis for this assessment? 'That guy wouldn't do that! I've met him!' Therefore, I'm automatically delusional about who did what to me! Just another example of the incompetence of Medina, Ohio's medical system (and its non-skeptical logic) right there...

` Not only that, but I... still... hate... my... body! It repulses me. I hate having it. I feel like I'm covered in... filth of some kind, all the time.
` Trying to wash it off somehow makes it seem worse...
` Part of it's because I don't like touching any part of me - it reminds me that I am indeed corporeal, which is very unpleasant for me. Thinking about the way I was so violently violated reminds me of the feeling I get from this highly disturbing comic strip.
` Hopefully, no more explanation is neccesary for my personal feelings. And don't worry, your eyes will eventually stop bleeding. Your mind, on the other hand, may require bleach. Tumble dry on low.

` Anyway, just thought I'd inform anyone who cares that now I am facing my emotions, the more twisted and demented I'm getting. Considering that this man is still out there and is perfectly capable of torturing someone else.
` It won't be long until I'm building Killer Death Rays and cloning Voracious Giant Shrew Minions! Or worse... doing just what Negaspork eventually succeeded in doing, and being just as shallow in personality!!


` I mean, what would everyone do if I actually attempted to destroy a large object such as the earth? How could I live with myself? It's a pretty horrible thing to ponder.
` I just can't think of what I could do to prevent myself from ruthlessly hurting people - especially ones who apparently deserve it. Ideologically, I prefer to be nonviolent, and I think that cutting open someone's abdominal cavity to eat their liver as they scream at the top of their lungs is just plain wrong!
` Even if livers can regenerate!
` What will I do? Will I become evil and... stuff? So far, I've discovered that procrastination works pretty well. Instead of muttering; "I will destroy him," to myself in the darkness, I now say; "I will destroy him... later!"
` As long as it's always 'later', I will probably not bother plotting to torture this horrible, horrible man. Or any of his descendents.

` Or preventing him from having any descendents by going back in time and bursting his testicles like large, hairy grapes.

` Any suggestions?