A Barnes without a Barnes?

` Oh yes, these guys again...

` Here's some more Voobaha stuff, in case anyone is even close to being interested. You see... it would appear that these two goofy-looking Lumanians (yes, this is quite an old picture), may actually not be continuing with their goofy-sounding band.
` Or... it is just a silly drama? To manipulate us Barnes and Barnes enthusiasts? I'm sure it is... but ignoring that...
` So, is it the end?
` Are the Barneses losing cohesion? Well, currently, Artie seems to be pretty enthusiastic about things. Even questions!


` I just listened to Ah-A for the first time (yes, I do live under a rock) and I realized something... that flute sound is from a Korg, is it not Art/Artie?
` KORGS RAWK!
` I know because I have a Korg M1+1. [It's Phil's, okay?]
` I've always wondered - how competent are either of you at playing a keyboard?

Spoony Quine

` Perhaps I should have rephrased that... oh well. What I didn't expect here was when, only about two minutes later, I noticed this:

I think that sound is made by our Oberheim ob-8. We are both keyboard wizards....

R.T.


` GASP! Omniscient-looking instantaneous e-mail response! You're apparently also an e-mail-answering wizard! I feel warm and fuzzy now. You're just good. Of course you are - you're frickin' Artie Barnes!!

` Well, I guess that doesn't show much as far as enthusiasm, but it's all I have right now, and I like my posts to go in kind of a little story-fashion. Telling a story, I shall have to ask you to play along...
` As for Mr. Mumy, he went and did something musical all by hisself not too long ago...

Art Barnes writes:

By the way, I hear that Billy Mummy is playing a solo set of music at Genghis Cohen, on Fairfax and Melrose tomorrow night at 9:15. That Billy Mummy's pretty good. He wrote that song, "Talking". I liked that song. He's not so bad. Maybe we should all go to Genghis Cohen. Or not. Who cares? Hard business...

` See? He's enthusiastic, music-wise, even when he knows lots of people get his name wrong! One of his loyal fans wrote:

I'd like to go see that. Can someone charter that famous multi-colored bus?

` But then, when people were wondering about when Barnes and Barnes would make some new songs...

I WANNA make some new music! but Art seems too busy lately. Art,come on, boy! I wanna record "My Bad". A new song i started....

RT-


Nah. I've lost the pep. I used to have the pep, but it's gone now. It's just too hard a business. I'm thinkin' about quitting the music business. It's too depressing. I gotta go... I'll seeya.
` You know, I don't really think Artie's trying to kill me, but I think that he knows or at least he might know, who IS... then again, maybe I'll get back into show business.
` I'm probably the greatest talent on the face of this earth. I'm probably so good I'm too good. This world's not ready for me. That's the way I feel about it. But I could make a come back. You never know. Then again, it's just too hard a business. Would you agree with that?
` Do you blame me for quitting? Yeah. It's a hard business! Think I'll go to Disneyland... Hello? Hello? I gotta go. Give me a ride down the hill... toomp

yeah


` WAAAAAH! But [we] love you, Mr. Lennier-Man! Don't DIE ON US!!!! I love the hippie-red-long-hair Barnes. Without Art Barnes, Barnes and Barnes would be just... Barnes! Think of the children!

` (Wait, what children?)

` Snifflily yours,

S E E Quine

` However, one loyal fan made this astute observation:

Dear All

Something smells fishy here! (no pun intended). Not so many months ago Mr Mumy was saying I want to record again and Mr Haimer was saying NO.

But now, Mr Haimer says he wants to start recording again and Mr Mumy is saying NO!

This sounds like a conspiracy. I think they're taking it in turns to Yes and No to recording new material, just to tease us and keep us hanging around. Damn fiendish stuff. I can just see them talking to each other "whose turn is it to say they want to start recording
again? Tee Hee Hee!"

YOU WILL BE DAMNED TO A WORLD WITH OUT CHEESE AND BEER IN THE NEXT LIFE.

Get off your butts and save us from a world of shite sampled-segment "popular" music that clutters the charts and airways and has no merit to it whatsoever.

` But then... in a message titled;
` An ejaculation of new songs and ideas in my silly little pee pee head!

` No, really, it was...:

I WANT to record again! But Art doesn't love me anymore. Convince him to work with me again, and we can give new and glorious music to the demented world! I (we?) have lotsa ideas. I'm brimming over with new and unexpressed songs!! I need to ejaculate them on to you guys, our loyal following. I want to spray them all over your little heads!

RT Barnes----------


` Um... and I know how much I like to be... *ejaculated* upon... ah... well, how about we pluck his beautiful, long red hair out, strand by strand. I know how unpleasant this sensation is from personal experience; after about a half hour I started crying.
` Like a little girl.
` That should work quite efficiently. ^^

` But if we want to be 'ethically able' and all, we could just talk to him. Perhaps we could discuss it like human beings and encourage him to keep going.
` Believe me, I go through bouts of this all the time. That's why I turned to psychiatric medicine.

S E E Quine

` (FYI, I was going to keep writing, possibly even something about how he'll wind up as insane as Tom Cruise, but I didn't have time to continue, due to something that was going on at that moment.)

Okay. nope. I've lost the pep. I don't wanna record new trivial silly novelty songs. I wanted to make a great new artistic barnes and barnes album. a really bold, non compromised, non "commercial" one of a kind record.
` I bugged pizmo haimer for TEN YEARS to do it. I wrote dozens and dozens of lyrics for it. "Our Dead Dads", "Middle Aged Men", etc... TEN YEARS I carried that flag into battle to no avail. Anyway, he still doesn't want to do it.
` He wants to record "poopy daddy" and stuff like that now. At least he wants to make music now. I probably should just agree to it and consider it a warm up for the "real" deal, right? Okay. Maybe that's what I'll do. If I find the pep. Has anyone out there seen my pep? It seems to have gone to the cornfield...

yeah


Well. I think that the solution, obviously...

...is some kind of two-disc anthology album!

I'm just sayin'.

` The Swill Man wrote:

You mean two-disc rarity album! THAT's what we all want!

` And a few minutes ago, I added:

` Actually, I looked and haven't found it in the cornfield. But I'm afraid one of these days I'm going to find Artie in there...

` Not a pretty sight.

S E E Quine

` Hey, wait a minute... what's this?

maybe you'll find me in the corn hole...... RT-

"Barnes & Barnes- The greatest secret in show business"!!!


` !!!! HOW DO YOU REPLY SO FAST LIKE THAT!!?!?!?!??!!? Do Lumanians have magical powers?

` Oh well. And... I don't think I wanna know about this cornhole business. I do, however, want to know something... ANYTHING about your demented ideas.

` Don't make me come over and dance scantily clad in flying squirrels on your lawn!!!!

` Dementedly yours,

S E E Quine

` P.S. I finally ordered one of your CDs today. ;)

` And... he did it again!... 'An ejaculation of grand designs' (that's what it was called!) popped into my inbox..

I reply quickly to emails because I have no life. I live to serve my large fan base. It is plain to see, no? Back to Jerry Springer show now. Later-
RT-

` So, just now, I wrote back, all melodramatically-like...

D'you really think Art is going to quit Barnes and Barnes? Or even showbusiness altogether? WHAT WILL BECOME OF YOU BOTH?! I can't bear to think!!!
` But if you could, you'd tell me, right?

` Aaaaannnddd... here we go!

Art loves my ass. He will never leave me. He needs me. He needs lots of hugs, too. He is nothing without me. I AM Barnes & Barnes and he knows it. Soon we will make new music. Scarier than before. For I AM RT BARNES------------------

` Ahhh. ^^ That makes me want to dance around your lawn wearing only flying squirrels stitched to my bare flesh! (In happiness, this time, instead of disgruntlement.)
` I'll just have to be careful that your music doesn't cause the squirrels to become alarmed enough to tear themselves free.
` Or... on second thought, I could just ask to come in and watch Jerry Springer or something with you. (Honestly, I didn't know they had him in Lumania!)

You may visit me in your underwear. Thank you......

` Ooh!! I'm a-gettin' awl vapory!!!

` Of course, as this is a public conversation...

Lemme just butt in here...any news on the DVD concert release? Or a rarities release? Huh? I WANT IT!!!


` Anyhow, I suppose Artie's ejaculations of grand designs can be left up to the imagination for now, no matter how much Art helps him out. (And when I phrase it like that, it sounds like something that would be better imagined. Or not imagined at all.)
` Will they go on? Or are they just being nitwits? Only time will tell! And I do hope I'm not getting any 'tabloid points' for all this.

` P.S.; Phil just came home and it blows his mind that I've ever communicated indirectly with the guy who played Lennier. Of course, It's been mostly Robby. He apparently has a lot more time for this kind of thing.

` By the way, I was the one who wrote that on that .jpg waayy back when the only art program I had was cruddy ol' MS Paint.
` Y'know, my handwriting sure looks weird when I'm using a mouse on carpeting...
` ...And you'd know that if EdgeWalker had taken a picture of that crazy comic I drew.
` Like he said he was going to.
` But no, apparently, something called a 'flash' is needed for decent pictures of my sketchbook!